Tums 2 Mums

Cloak of Protection

2011-12-01T15:38:00.000-08:00

In my previous post I wrote about a useful technique to help protect you from others negativity called the Cloak of Protection.

For pregnant women their beautiful bump can be like a shining beacon for all and sundry, friends, family, colleagues and even strangers to share their horrors and fears of birthing. I tell my clients to politely ask others to not share all this negativity and if they don't to place their fingers in their ears and sing lah lah lah until the offending person stops.

For those who feel my first two suggestions are not suitable there is as I've already mentioned the Cloak of Protection. I've been getting so many fantastic examples of how women are using this technique both from those using my Hypno 4 Birth Home Study Programme and my face-to-face clients that I thought I would offer it as Christmas gift for readers of my blog.

If you are reading this and you are not pregnant you can still use the mp3 to learn the technique but just set the intention beforehand to ignore the references to pregnancy and birth.

Merry Christmas

Perspective!

2011-12-01T10:10:00.000-08:00

"A mental view or outlook"

The other day Jim (my husband for those who don't know) emailed me saying he was feeling rather fed up. The company he works for recently went under and he is one of the few employees remaining that have been asked to help wind down the company. Jim is very diligent and was feeling really frustrated by some of his colleagues who were treating the situation as a free ride and were also being very negative. In his view they were still being paid to do a job and should be doing that job. With regards to the negativity well, no-one is making them stay!

I replied with a little technique that is great for preventing others negativity from impacting on you and that is to imagine a forcefield around you (I usually say cloak of protection but as he is a guy I changed it). Once you've done this you then imagine that any negativity simply bounces off of you. Once you start imagining this it is quite fascinating how you become distanced from the feelings of others and in turn their emotions can't affect you.

I then found myself writing (I say 'found' because I don't always know where these things come from, ideas appear to be stored in my subconscious and just turn up when they feel like it ;-)). Anyway I wrote "See what you want to see, hear what you want to hear and feel what you want to feel". The subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between real or imagined events and if we imagine positive things it believes those things and in turn we feel good.

My mind then wandered off to the recent Derren Brown programme I had watched about creating luck. They had interviewed the local butcher, Wayne who said if there wasn't bad luck he wouldn't have any luck. Derren then wanted to see if his belief was preventing him from being lucky and so a series of lucky 'opportunities' were set up for Wayne:

A fake scratch card through his door that if he'd played he would have won a TV
A woman asking questions about cuts of meat and when passers by got the answer right she gave them £20. Wayne said he'd be back in 10 minutes but despite her being there all day and handing out lots of money he never returned.
They then put a £50 note in his path and he walked straight on by without noticing it.
Eventually, they had an advertising van follow him that said "If your name is Wayne call this number". Finally, after seeing it a number of times he called.

His belief that he was unlucky had filtered out any possibility that he could be lucky and therefore he had missed out on the opportunities.

Later that day I was with a fertility client and she was sharing with me that she'd been away for a weekend and all the conversations were around babies and she felt very left out. Having acknowledged that women do tend to talk about their kids a lot, I told her about Wayne and asked her if perhaps she thought she might have missed out on any opportunities to have different conversations.

It is interesting isn't it? The way we perceive a situation or our very own beliefs can change how we experience our world. Why not give it a try, for one whole day decide what you want to see, what you want to hear and how you want to feel and see what happens.

Never fear mummy is here

2011-11-22T06:38:00.001-08:00

By the time Evan and I left her swimming lesson on Sunday around 6:15 pm, being November it was of course already dark and on this particular evening it was also very foggy. As we approached the car Evan said she was frightened of the tree worried that it could poke her in the eye. I of course reassured her and pointed out that we were too far from the tree for that to happen. Once settled in the car Evan said she was frightened that the tree would follow us and come into her bedroom and hurt her. Once again I sought to reassure her saying that the tree couldn't do this because it was rooted in the ground. We had a further chat about why the tree needed its roots, etc and then Evan fell quiet for a few moment. She then said "I wish I was a mummy and then I wouldn't be frightened any more". This of course made my heart twinge but at the same time I was glad that she believed I was strong.

Little does she know of course that being a mum is often one of the most frightening things and that fear can attack you at every corner if you let it. Particularly, if like me you grew up being fearful of everything and worrying all of the time. I believe that my early life was impacted by the fact that my dad died whilst my mum was 8 months pregnant with me, I strongly believe her strong negative emotions left a lasting imprint on me that has taken many, many years to resolve (well almost).

The first turning point for me was my hypnotherapy / counseling course at 30 when I started to look at the world through different eyes. My training in HypnoBirthing and HypnoFertility taught me more about fear and its impact on the body and from then on I've spent the last couple of years researching emotions which has led me to co-create the Feel good Look good programme.

I always practice what I preach and use the techniques that I teach all of the time in order to ensure that I am living in the now and enjoying life as much as I can.

I hope Evan's fears are just normal small child concerns as she is learning about the world. I teach her kiddy versions of the techniques that I teach to adults which help her to relax and use her imagination positively. She in turns uses them back at me when she sees me getting tense or anxious ;-).

That evening I told her about the Magic Faraway Tree that I used to love reading about when I was a little girl and that I would share great stories with her about the adventures that were had at the top of that tree. She smiled and snuggled down to sleep.

We had moved from fear to understanding to feeling good.

I wish I'd been taught these things earlier but our experiences make us wiser and I know that I have a positive impact on many peoples lives and that makes me feel good.

If you are sitting reading this feeling that you could also benefit from learning more about how to focus on the positive and enjoy life more, you may find that the Feel good Look good programme is for you.

Elf on the Shelf

2011-11-11T02:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was speaking to my good friend Clare and she mentioned that there would be elves visiting her house from the 1st December. Intrigued, I asked to hear more about these special guests and loved what she told me. All those will little ones I think will love it too and so I asked her to write a blog post for me.

Enjoy!

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The word Christmas is usually banned until after my birthday on the 30th November. This year I am so excited that I have been planning some December fun for quite some time now…Elvish fun and the start of a truly magical tradition.

Stolen from my sister in law in the USA – the idea is to have an Elf/Elves visit from Santa to see who is being “naughty or nice”. I actually thought it would be a great way to promote positive behavior and for the Elves to bring lots of fun activities for cold and wet December days. I also want lots of Elf activities to be about giving to others and not just about receiving. One of the planned activities will be to make cookies and take them to the local old people’s home. Not forgetting the Elves will be bringing lots of mischief too.

Some people’s Elves arrive with a note from Santa; along with an advent calendar- this is what one lady did for her children last year:

***Every year, our elves find new ways to show up at our house. We always ask Santa in our letters in November if Fielding and Collette can come to visit. This year we went to a local store and purchased our live Christmas tree, which the store wrapped in the netting to pack on our car. Amazingly, when we got home and cut off the netting, the elves were inside the tree! My son and daughter are still wondering how they knew which tree we would pick. And they look forward to the mischief their elf friends might do each day.

I have already started to sew the seed, I have told my girls, Hannah and Madelaine that really good children get a visit from Elves and they stay until Christmas Eve (when they disappear back to Santa!). Each activity day the elves will leave a note, for example: the day we put up the tree I thought the “ naughty Elves” would be hiding in the tree and put the girls socks on the tree- the girls will have to re decorate.

Other activities:

Snowball fight between toys (using cotton wall balls)

Cooking including finding a shopping list with money to buy the ingredients

Christmas cooking with Christmas aprons de-rigor

Making Christmas decorations

Making Christmas Cards

Bubble bath with snowflakes

Donating old toys to a charity shop

One morning the girls might find a Christmas coloring book another instructions to find a duster to help Mum tidy ;-)

My mum has brought the girls tickets to see an ice skating show- these tickets will be found in the clutches of their elves.

We are also collecting the girls Aunty from the airport on the 21st Dec- I am the only one to know about this in the family so again will have to get the elves involved. This will be a HUGE surprise!!

Decorating the windows with snowflakes

I am also hoping for some real snow for some outdoor elf fun

I am on a budget this year- all the activities have unashamedly come from Poundland the Elves from M & S at £8 -they are very cute (Just need to find some Elf names). Below are some sites where you can grab some adorable Elves and ideas, which are endless!

http://www.elf-magic.com

http://www.elf-magic.com/ideas.htm

http://www.elfontheshelf.com

http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1319261/Looking_for_quot_Elf_Mischief_quot_need_ideas

As for me, roll on December so I pull on my red and white stripy tights and bring on the Elvish fun. Ho Ho Ho!

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Thanks Clare, I am really excited about our little elf visitor now too, though not so sure I will be pulling on any red and white stripy tights ;-)

Is it possible to have a comfortable birth following induction?

2011-11-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

During my HypnoBirthing courses and Hypno 4 Birth sessions I discuss with my clients the benefits of questioning the necessity of being induced should the subject arise. This is important whether induction comes up due to concerns about mums or babies health or just because mum has reached a certain point in her pregnancy that is considered overdue.

The reason it is important to ask questions is so that should you then decide that yes it is the right choice for you and your baby to be induced, that you and your partner have been the ones who have made that decision, you haven't felt like you've just been told that it has to be a certain way.

In turn this is important because by being the ones to make the decisions you maintain control over your baby's birth. When you are in control of a situation you remain much more positive emotionally and this can make all the difference when preparing for labour following induction.

A useful booklet to help with your discussions can be found on the AIMS website 'Induction - Do I really need it?'

So having made the decision that it is right for you to be induced, you will now want to make sure that you give yourself the best possible chance to remain comfortable and continue to maintain that sense of control. There are therefore a number of things that you will want to discuss with your medical provider before induction commences:

Find out what the procedure will be?
Find out how you will be monitored and explain that you will want to be as mobile as possible.
Ask if your partner is able to stay with you? If no questions why not?
If it is not possible then ensure that your partner is on the other end of the phone and call him when you need him. Explain to your medical provider that this is what you will do.
Explain that as soon as your body has taken over that you want artificial support to be stopped.
Ask for understanding and patience with regards to your hypnosis preparation and that you do not want suggestions for pain relief. That you will ask for it should you want it.

The main issue with induction is that the body is jumped to the more intense surges and therefore you do not have the same time in which to prepare physically and emotionally. The endorphins do not then get the same opportunity to build as in a natural progression of labour. You will therefore need to do this BEFORE induction commences.

This is where all of your hypnosis practice will come to the fore. Make sure that you have entered a deep state of relaxation before anything gets started. Focus on your breathing, 54321 relax will help with that to start with. Then use your farourite hypnosis CD/mp3 for entering and maintaining your state of trance. The Tums 2 Mums Glove Relaxation mp3 is particularly useful for this purpose as it is deliberately written to take you into a deep state of trance and to over-stimulate your endorphins. Remember when your endorphins are fully present from the onset of labour and are maintained throughout they will help prevent pain signals from being transmitted to the brain.

The role of advocate and protector of the birth is particularly important when a mum has been induced as often one form of intervention can lead to another. Asking questions should that occur will again ensure that you maintain control over your birthing experience.

I have had hypnomummies choose to be induced and go on to have great births. Taking control by being the ones to decide that induction is right for them and preparation are the key to their success.

Learn Self Hypnosis with free mp3

2011-11-08T03:00:00.000-08:00

It has been a ridiculously long time since I've sat down and wrote a blog entry. I have no excuses. Yes I have been busy, both professionally and personally, but I cannot deny that there would have been periods during which I could have found time to post. However, as I am a big promotor of living in the now, I will not ponder on the lack of commitment to my blog over the past year but will instead talk to you about something more exciting, self hypnosis!

It is wonderful to have sessions with a hypnotherapist who can help facilitate great changes in your life but that change always comes with personal responsibility. Every course of treatment, must include teaching self hypnosis, in order for clients to be able to tap into this wonderful resource without the aid of another person or always having to listen to a hypnosis session on a CD or mp3.

There are many different ways of entering the state of hypnosis but one of my favourites when teaching my clients is simply the "journey to your special place". Now to make it easy for you, I have recorded the session I do with my clients as it is the easiest way to learn, but the intention in the session is to learn how to do it yourself and not to rely on the mp3 in order to reach the state of trance (in fact I don't give my clients the mp3 so mums-the-word ;-)).

When working with the subconscious it becomes the most engaged when we use our senses widely and therefore this technique follows 3 signposts; a relaxing image, a calming sound and a positive feeling. You will then be directed to a wide staircase that will either be going up or d0wn, you will know when you get there. The staircase is an indicator to the subconscious that you are ready to move more deeply into trance. However, don't look for a shift as this will have the opposite effect by engaging the conscious brain and thereby bringing you out of trance. Just know that it will happen on a subconscious level, trust that it will happen. The steps will direct you to your special place and you may by now be wondering what that is.

Your special place is a place that you may have been to before, a place you'd like to go or completely make believe. It is up to you, it is simply a place that you can imagine yourself relaxing and enjoying being there, and you can simply choose to go to your special place just to relax and escape for a while. But, if I left it there then I would be selling hypnosis very short, as once you are in the state of trance you have the ability to make some very profound changes in your life.

The mp3 will therefore guide you to find a door. This is a special door as it always knows where you need to go when you open it and pass through and you will then be given some ideas of how you might use this wonderful state of hypnosis.

And I will leave the blog entry there for now to give you some time to listen to the mp3 and explore some uses of self-hypnosis for yourself. Once you've done that leave me some comments with your thoughts and perhaps what else you may like to learn about utilising the state of trance and I in turn will respond with a further blog entry on using self-hypnosis.

Enjoy!

Fertility Focus Telesummit 2011

2011-03-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

Women who come to me for fertility support are normally completely overwhelmed not only by the difficult emotions they are having to deal with, but also with the different types of help and treatment that are available to them, both medical and complementary. I of course appreciate that I am included within that but at this point they are sitting in my therapy room having already decided that I can help. I am sure however that many of the readers of my blog will still be at that stage of indecision and not quite knowing which route to take and I'm sure in a sense who to trust as well.

Of course everyone will tell you that what they have to offer will improve your chances and it is hard to know where to start and what to do for the best. Every individual is different and therefore what works for one may not work for another, what you may be drawn to another person may simply dismiss. And from a hypnotherapists perspective (well mine anyway) following what feels right is a good barometer for taking a certain route. That feeling, often known as our gut instinct, is amazing at knowing what we want and need (our conscious analytical side of our brain often talks us out of it though, but that's a post for another day) and a useful side effect is that the the more you believe something will work for you the more chances you have that it will.

But it can be so time consuming to research lots of different types of support and as I said earlier completely overwhelming and this is where the Fertility Focus Telesummit 2011 comes in. And the good news is that you can attend this amazing “virtual event” at no cost!

The telesummit will feature fertility experts from around the world sharing their knowledge and insights on a wide range of fertility subjects. You can listen in to all the information-packed presentations either online or over the phone every day of the telesummit, starting on March 21st.

Click here to find out more about the Fertility Focus Telesummit 2011 including details of all the experts who will be covering a different aspect of infertility and offering great advice, ideas and solutions.

If you then decide that this event is a great way to help you move further towards becoming a parent you can book your place if you wish. Remember it won't cost you a penny.

I hope you find this useful and if you know anyone else who is struggling with fertility issues, please send them a link to this blog in case they are interested too.

Free Birth Affirmations mp3

2011-02-13T06:39:00.000-08:00

What you spend time thinking about dictates the choices you make and therefore the actions you take which in turn leads to consequences. Whatever point you are in your life right now is a result of choices you have made in the past. Whatever you get in the future will be the result of choices you make now. Your choices are determined by what you think about therefore you are in control of what happens to you in your life by what you tell yourself your thoughts.

Taking responsibility for what you believe, your thoughts and therefore your actions is a big step forward in achieving the birth that you want (and I would go so far to say the life you want). But there has to be a desire to change. We naturally learn to filter out anything that doesn’t fit with a particular belief so what we expect is what we end up getting. If you are convinced that birth will be difficult and you believe that there is nothing you can do to change that then you may not have the motivation to look for different ways to approach your birth preparations, engaging in horror stories and negative images of birth and dwelling on negative thoughts. My guess however would be that you are at least at a point where you believe that birth does not necessarily have to be that way otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading my blog.

Affirmations provide a structured way to practise new thoughts, and a lovely starting point for helping you transform any negative beliefs about labour and birth, which is why I've decided to give this mp3 away for free.

Daily practice is necessary to become competent but in time positive thoughts about birthing will become your new habits of thinking in turn supporting your chances of achieving the birth you seek.

Taken from the Tums 2 Mums Hypno 4 Birth Programme. If you like to find out more about this programme please click here.

Flip a coin technique

2011-01-29T10:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I am working with a client they find that the cancel technique is not enough to help them move from a place of negativity and worry to one of positive thought. And I can appreciate that when you are really low, it is not always easy to imagine a wonderful event or experience in your life, just because you know that by doing so you are no longer able to focus on all your concerns and worries. It is just too big a leap!

The good news however is that there is another very simple yet powerfully effective way of diluting the worries. I call it the 'flip a coin' technique.

The idea is that your negative and positive thoughts about a particular subject are actually two sides of the same coin.

So you start off on the negative side of the coin and 'ALLOW' yourself to feel all that negativity as much as you do - really experience it in that moment. Then you flip the coin over and whilst on the positive side you IMAGINE the BEST it can possibly be. The absolute BEST in can be - in that moment.

Then flip the coin back over again and notice that you feel different - it may be slight but you DO feel differently.

Then once again, feel whatever negativity there is in the moment - how you feel right now. Then flip the coin back over and once again IMAGINE the BEST it can possibly be. The absolute BEST in can be - in that moment.

Then flip the coin back over and once again notice that you feel different - perhaps noticing a bit more of a difference this time.

Then once again feel whatever negativity there is. Then flip the coin back over and once again IMAGINE the BEST it can possibly be. The absolute BEST it can be - in that moment.

Then flip the coin back over and once again notice that you feel different - by now you will becoming quite amazed at how effective this technique is.

Simply carry on flipping the coin from one side to the next until you have completely watered down the negativity and are feeling positive once again.

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This is one of many ways I support my clients both face-to-face and using Skype. If you would like to know more please visit my website www.tums2mums.com

IVF success rates double when using HypnoFertility

2011-01-25T02:16:00.000-08:00

With permission of the group admins I've just joined the IVF group on www.babycentre.co.uk. I approached them because I love supporting women on the HypnoBirth board and asked if they felt I could be of any help to women going through the IVF process.

I posted with a little introduction to myself and have been amazed at how many women have since sent me a message saying that they would love to know more. So here I am writing a blog post that I hope not only the women on the IVF board will find useful but also anyone else planning on, or in the midst of, IVF treatment.

It is first of all useful to understand what hypnosis is.

Hypnosis (the trance like state) is actually a state we move in and out of all of the time. When we drift off to sleep at night and wake up in the morning we move through the hypnogogic state, whilst daydreaming, lost in a good book or caught up in a great film we are in a state of trance. In fact any time we have our focussed attention on something we are likely to be in the state of hypnosis.

When we are fully conscious and aware we have a critical factor of the brain that acts as a filter. This filter is based on our belief system and causes us to analyse what is the best course of action for us in any one moment. When we move into a state of trance this becomes sidetracked and we therefore become more open to suggestions. This is important to be aware of because both positive and negative suggestions can get through. There is a lot of negative hypnosis about fertility. When a woman is having IVF how those in authority talk to her about what she will experience, how her body will respond and most importantly statistical chances of success can actually have a physical effect on her body.

Your subconscious mind is the part that runs your body (ie all of the functions we don't consciously control). It does this by responding to images that we create from everything we see, hear, read, talk about, think etc (we are not consciously aware we are doing this as it would drive us mad). Those images then evoke a set of emotions that tell the body what it needs to do. The subconscious primary role is to keep us safe and this is useful to be aware of when we are looking at any type of fertility issue because our reproductive processes are not part of our survival. If we have a lot of stress caused by our current life or events from our past (causing blocks that we may not necessarily be aware of) this can be interpreted by our subconscious as a message that we are in danger. In turn it can physically change what is going on in our body and prevent a woman from becoming pregnant. Even when a woman is having IVF treatment we want to ensure that the subconscious understands that she is 'safe' and in turn work with her treatment rather than against it.

So what does it feel like? That is like asking “how long is a piece of string?” Everyone experiences hypnosis in a different way. The most important thing is not to try, the more you try the more you will engage your conscious brain and will be less likely to move into the state of trance. You should simply set the intention to allow yourself to experience trance in a way that is just right for you. Instead of judging how you feel know that it is working for you, in the way that is best for you. Some people feel very heavy, others feel light and tingly and some feel nothing at all but are just aware of my voice or their own inner thoughts as they relax more deeply.

Okay on to some useful things whilst progressing through IVF treatment.

We've seen in the above explanation that your subconscious mind will respond to what you spend time focusing on so it is important prepare yourself emotionally before you commence IVF and have techniques to support you in maintaining a healthy mental attitude throughout. I would say up front though this is not about squashing difficult feelings down and walking around with a 'Polly Anna' smile on your face. This would be completely counterproductive. It is always important to experience difficult emotions but learn ways of not being overwhelmed by then.

Setting yourself a goal

Set a goal for how you want to feel throughout the process. For example 'feeling relaxed in my body and calm in my mind'. This goal will be completely personal to you. Then plot it on a scale.

0 - the worst you could feel. Based on the above example this might be 'experiencing so much tension body it hurts and constantly anxious and on the verge of tears.

10 - the best you can feel. 'Completely relaxed in my body, positive and able to progress through my day with confidence'

Plot on the scale where you are now and what you need in order to move you up the scale and stay there. This will help you maintain focus and track progress.

Practice relaxation

The following 5,4,3,2,1 mp3 gives you both a useful technique to use throughout the day to promote relaxation in the body and also provides a lovely progressive relaxation session to listen to regularly to help de-stress your mind and body.

Maintaining a healthy attitude

I always introduce 'Worry Time' to my clients. Find a 15 mins slot each day when you are allowed to worry. Let's say it is 8pm. Throughout the day if a worry turns up treat it like someone who has turned up early for an appointment. Imagine saying to them "what are you doing here, you are far too early, go away and come back at 8pm when our meeting is planned". This may make you feel a little silly but in turn it will help take the emotion out of the worry and move you past needing to in that moment. You have also acknowledged the feelings and so it will be easier to let it go knowing you can come back to it later. When you get to worry time if you want to have a good worry then do so but ONLY for 15 minutes. Then you need to 'change your state', by which I mean go and put on a fab bit of of music and dance around your front room, or have a cuddle with your partner, or a nice bath with candles - the important thing is to make it a treat and something that will completely change your mood.

Another useful technique is the cancel technique which will help you switch negative thoughts into positive ones.

Positive Imagining

You will find a detailed explanation of what I mean by this when reading about the cancel technique but here I want to specifically introduce the idea that you can use your imagination to enhance and work with your treatment. There is no need to use text book explanations for this remember your subconscious only understands imagery and emotion. All you need to do is use the 5,4,3,2,1 relax technique that you have learnt about previously to take yourself into a nice relaxing state of trance and then imagine that you are tiny enough to be inside your body (just let your imagination bring up whatever it wants - you will be surprised how easy this is). Then imagine how you want things to be. For example when thinking about your eggs imagine the best quality eggs you can. I've had clients say that they were in the supermarket and opening a box of eggs and making sure that they were all completely perfect. Another was painting hers like easter eggs and I've even had one imagine Faberge Eggs. You can imagine your uterus as the most wonderful home possible for your baby to grow. Some imagine a beautiful nursery, others luxurious textiles and colours. I've had clients do some redecoration or carried out a good spring clean. Again just allow your imagination to find things it wants to do. Don't judge what you are doing just follow what feels right.

Prior to egg collection and embryo transfer imagine everything going exactly as you want it to be. Prepare yourself to be as relaxed as you can by using 5,4,3,2,1 or listening to an mp3 if you can when at the clinic.

The two week wait

This can be a challenging and anxious time so think about some useful and enjoyable ways of spending this time. Creative tasks are especially effective for maintaining a healthy focus of attention.

Place a coloured dot on different things - your watch, phone, bathroom mirror, etc with the intention that every time you see one of these coloured dots they will trigger a positive visualisation, for example 'your baby is safe and settling in nicely in your womb'.

Spend time imagining your body accepting the embryos. All the other cells can have a welcoming party or you can see them with arms open wide and making space for them to settle in. Another lovely visualisation is to imagine them being placed in little car seats, safe and secure.

Practice relaxation every day and utilise the Worry Time and Cancel Technique.

Further support

For those of you reading this please feel free to ask me any questions about this both on reading or as you use the techniques I will be very happy to help. You can do these either on the comments section of this blog entry or on the IVF Baby Centre board.

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My plan is to write a complete IVF Support Programme (to be ready by March 2011) that will also include 'Fear and Emotion Release', "'Ego Strengthening' and specific mp3s for the different stages of treatment but I hope for now those embarking on IVF will find this blog post useful.

If I have sparked your curiosity and you would like to know more about HypnoFertility sessions please email me at dany@tums2mums.com. Should you require I offer a free half an hour consultation so that you can meet me and ask any questions you have.

I work successfully with clients both face-to-face and using Skype.

Is it fear or excitement?

2010-12-28T04:20:00.000-08:00

Well maybe it is fear or maybe it is excitement and sometimes it is both.

What on earth are you talking about I hear you cry, but it really is an interesting question because unless we are in real danger (when of course it is absolutely right to feel fear so that we can get ourselves out of trouble) we can change the answer to suit what we want.

Think for a moment how you experience fear in your body.

Ok, now take some time to become aware of how you experience excitement in your body.

They are incredibly similar aren't they and once you realise this you can use it change your perception of something.

Words are very powerful if you say that you are scared about something then you will create images (consciously and/or subconsciously) that represent fear. Because your subconscious runs the body based on the emotions these images evoke it will actually make physiological changes in the body to get you ready for danger. This is only useful if you really are in trouble other than that it causes unnecessary stress on your mind, body and emotional well being.

However, if you say you are excited about something then you will create images that match that and trigger a whole different response within the mind and body.

Your subconscious doesn't know the difference between real or imagined events so the more we focus on the negative the more likely we are to take action that matches that negativity. If we are focussing on the positive it is a natural response to find ourselves responding more positively to what is going on in our lives.

Let's look at this from a birthing perspective. A woman who says she is frightened of her baby's upcoming birth will create images of horror stories she's heard, read about or seen. In turn this will prepare her body for a potentially difficult birth. A woman who perceives the physical sensations within her body as excitement will create images that match that excitement and in turn support her body in working as it should during labour and birth. It doesn't actually matter if at first she doesn't quite believe it because the more she focuses on excitement the law of repetition will ensure that in turn it becomes easier to believe. This is because the more we practice something the easier it becomes and in turn becomes a new way of thinking. Of course if we are thinking differently we create the images that support an easier, comfortable birth.

Change this way is easy the only hard thing is to actually do it. For a pregnant woman you can tap into the desire to have a better birth for you and your baby.

But this of course works for all areas of your life so be more aware from now on whether something is a real or a perceived fear. If it is only perceived tell yourself you are excited instead and notice how different that makes you feel.

Remember it may take practice, but if you tap into the desire that will ensure you want to make a change, the more you focus on excitement the more you will believe it to be true and in turn you will be surprised at the differences that this will make in your every day life.

Christmas Gift

2010-12-14T20:38:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here feeling very smug and happy with myself, there are 10 days to go till Christmas and I have FINISHED all of my Christmas shopping. In fact I had actually completed buying all of my presents last Friday, although this may be due to the fact that I did most of it online so there was not too much dragging a toddler around Bluewater this year. I did however make one trip and for anyone shopping there last Friday I was the poor mum walking around with the giant dalmatian balloon floating just above my head!! Still it kept Evan happy and we just about made it through the day.

I then realised that there was one very important gift that I hadn't done yet and I am now sitting here at 5 in the morning sorting that too.

If you are pregnant I hope you enjoy my Cloak of Protection mp3 and benefit from the powerful yet simple technique it teaches you. If you are not pregnant please share this link with anyone that you know who is. You really will be giving them a fantastic present by letting them know about it.

Taken from the Tums 2 Mums

Hypno 4 Birth Home Study Programme

“Unfortunately for most women as they become pregnant their bump seems to become a glowing bright beacon for all and sundry to approach and share all their most awful and intimate stories about pregnancy, labour, birth and being a parent. The media, films, soaps and birth channels all know that calm, relaxed births are not ‘sensational’ TV and so rarely show good ones. Although ironically to watch a woman labouring calmly is the most sensational thing you could want to see.

I urge you not to get involved in negative conversations about birth, stop people in their tracks when they want to share a horror story and don’t be tempted by the birthing channels (there are plenty of wonderful hypno births to watch on You Tube).

However, as determined as you might be that you will not accommodate any of the above, sometimes you can hear or see something so quickly that you don’t have time to stop it and this is why I have included the ‘Cloak of Protection’ mp3 in this programme.

You will learn whilst listening to this mp3 how to place an invisible cloak of protection around yourself which will shield you from any negativity, causing it to bounce off of you and preventing the messages from becoming absorbed by your subconscious mind."

Please note that the link for this Christmas offer will be removed on the 6th January 2011.

I'd love to know how you enjoy it so please take the time to leave a comment on my blog.

Merry Christmas everyone xxx

Fab email from one of my Hypno 4 Birth Home Study Mums

2010-10-12T14:52:00.001-07:00

This email made my day - I think it speaks for itself.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi Dany,

I just wanted to say Thank you for the wonderful Home Study programme for Hypno-birthing and to tell you about my wonderful birth experience when my son was born on 21st May 2010 at 545am weighing 8lb 4oz.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared of how I would cope as I am terrified of hospitals and needles.

I decided to try the Hypno-birthing to change my fear beliefs.

As you predicted, lots of people wanted to tell me their horror stories of difficult labours, and I just smiled at them, convinced (brain-washed) that Hypno-birthing would make my experience different.

My hospital told me that I was not to go there until my contractions were 3-4minutes apart, so I knew I had to spend alot of the labour at home.

When my surges started, I listened to the Surges with the Sea and Fear Release and Natural Calm MP3s and practised the slow breathing.

After a few hours, the mucus plus came out, and I could feel my baby's head was so low down, that even though my contractions were still 5-6minutes apart, I had to get to the hospital. Although I wasn't in pain, just discomfort, and the contractions were not that strong.

When we arrived at the hospital, the midwife told me I was 7cm dilated! I was so relieved and excited. I was offered an epidural but I knew I would be able to get through without it, so I just had Gas and Air and my son was born 3.5 hours later.

During the last part of my labour, the midwife kept telling my husband how relaxed and calm I was (I was deep in slow-breathing meditation!), and the whole experience was just as I imagined it.

I'm so excited, that I just can't wait to start trying for baby number 2!

Thank you again Dany, your MP3s and affirmations were relaxing and soothing and I'm recommending them to my pregnant friends.

Regards,

Mel x

Feeling sad, frustrated and a little bit angry!

2010-09-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

Considering my last post was driven by similar emotions it would appear, that despite not having much time to blog at the moment, when my feelings get adequately fired the words in my head shout loud enough to force my fingers to the keyboard.

So what has got me so fired up?

The comments made in response to the Mail Online article about a women who reported her labour on Twitter. I've given a taster below with some of my thoughts attached to them (in case you are unsure mine are the ones in italics ;-)):

"What a sad woman . Also it brings out all the mothers on here having to tell there storys, why ?? I bet you lot bore people to tears with your storys I am a Mum myself but don't feel the need of broadcasting my labour storys over the net."

I think any pregnant woman will tell you that sharing birth stories are not limited to those talking about their comfortable birth. It seems to me that a bump is like a homing beacon for all and sundry men and women alike to frighten the poor women with the worse stories possible.

"You are no better if you have drugs or no drugs.... Each to their own depends on the delivery...."

I agree with this and some of my 'mums' find that due to unforeseen circumstances they want drugs and some require assisted deliveries. The amazing difference between theirs and many of their friends stories is they still report their story in a positive light.

"Birth is a painful experience, VERY painful. I thought everyone knew that. So what myths did she dispel exactly?"

But it doesn't have to be and even when a woman does feel discomfort she can remain in control of that and therefore have a positive birth experience.

"I found this article extremely sad,and read it as a woman who needed to be "known". For goodness sake,how long will it be now before someone posts their labour on U-tube. "

Sorry to disappoint you but there already are - lots of great hypnobirths on You Tube which give confidence to many, many, many pregnant women every day.

"Fair play to her for having an easy labour - so did I...twice. despite the hospital's insistence that I deliver there due to mild hypertension, I had no complications whatsoever and minimal pain relief. i didn't assume the world would want to hear about it though.....and its not really fair to say this will dispel the myths of childbirth as everyone is different and shouldn't feel like a failure of their birth experience is not the same as this one and if they couldn't be bothered to tweet about it either!"
A great point is being missed here. She most certainly dispelled the myth that all births are awful which sooooooooooo many women love to share and sadly sooooooooo many women buy in to. It CANNOT be coincidence that the women who attend my HypnoBirthing(R) courses and those who have private Hypno 4 Birth sessions with me or work through my Hypno 4 Birth Home Study programme report back positive stories of birth.
"How could this woman ever dispel any myths just because something didn't happen at her own delivery? Scientists would have to use thousands of women and their experience over years of trials if they were to ever dispel a myth."
Continuing on from my point above i
t also CANNOT be coincidence that on the HypnoBirth Board for which I am co-admin on Baby Centre again the members report back positive story after positive story. No they are not all they same. No they do not all report back pain free births. No their births don't all follow the plan that was hoped for. But they are ALL positive stories of birth.

"My own labour took 67 hours from one end to the other as my son was lying in the posterior position which lengthens labour and makes it very much more painful. Thank the lord for painkilllers, although I still felt a lot of the pain, and ended up with a caesarian section anyway.

I've had clients have 4 day labours (I wouldn't wish it on anyone) however one of them was my best friend and when I saw her 1 hour after her daughter was born she looked as fresh as anyone might look after a normal day at work. She also told me off for not sharing with more women how AMAZING HypnoBirthing(R) is. With regards to the comment about a posterior labour being more difficult I think you only have to read this story on my site to see that this is not necessarily true (NEVER buy into absolutes about birth).

I think I will stop there as the more I read these negative comments the more frustrated I get.

I have taken a moment again to read the original article to check if this poor woman who dared to tweet her labour was doing so with a smug, look at me, I am so amazing tone and all I see is a woman who is desperately trying to share that birth doesn't have to be the scary, awful thing that far too many women fear.

I know the feeling of not being able to share a wonderful birth story. I had an amazing birth with Evan and when I tried to share it at my baby massage class (where we were all sharing our stories) I got that same feeling that the others in the room felt I was showing off. One of the reasons I set up my monthly Mums and Mums-to-be group was so that women could share their positive stories of birth in an environment in which they could enjoy doing so. Again I was getting fed up of my 'mums' telling me that they were also getting negative responses when they were trying to share their stories. WHY? when they were expected to endure everybody else's horror stories when they were pregnant with a smile on their face.

My previous post explains what I believe a perfect birth is and it clear that I do not see any women who wants to use drugs or requires intervention as a failure. I just find it incredibly sad that most women get more and more frightened as their labour approaches rather than feeling excited about the upcoming birth of their baby. And I find it increasingly frustrating that if only others were more open to listening to these wonderful stories that more women could consistently have better births.

It really CANNOT be a coincidence that women who use hypnosis statistically have better births without intervention and I CANNOT repeat that enough!!

Keep sharing your wonderful hypnobirthing stories. Whilst the numbers are still small there are more and more women willing to listen and in turn having great births. And with each great story there is another one waiting to happen.

The Perfect Birth

2010-07-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

What's that then?

There have been quite a few posts and comments recently on the Baby Centre HypnoBirth Board about having or not having a perfect birth. Many of them start out with a post that friends and family believe that because they are planning a HypnoBirth they are setting themselves up for disappointment and they are being unrealistic about their expectations.

Then yesterday I had a client say to me that although she is wanting a natural birth, because she is considered high risk she doesn't want to only focus on having a perfect birth in case it just isn't possible. So we explored together what a perfect birth is because preparing for a HypnoBirth isn't about having a short, calm, comfortable natural labour and birth free of intervention (although of course many achieve this) it is about empowerment. Couples taking control of their birth experience, having the confidence to ask appropriate questions and making decisions based on the answer that are right for them, not anyone else. Not what I would do (or any other practitioner they have attended classes with), nor their doctor, midwives, friend, sister and so on. What is right for them.

The perfect birth is the birth that is right for mum and baby on the day.
The perfect birth is one in which the couple look back upon and know that all decisions were theirs.
The perfect birth is one in which mum and dad felt they were always in control of even if that meant making the decision to hand over to the experts because there were special circumstances.

I don't get 100% feedback that births played out in the way that was desired but I do get 100% feedback that the techniques are useful no matter what and that is the true value of HypnoBirthing.

How can that be setting a woman up for disappointment?

The Law of Attraction and where have I been?

2010-07-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

Before I begin this post I just want to say sorry it has been such a long time coming. It is a shame that I've not had time to post recently but on the positive side that is because I've been incredibly busy supporting couples through Fertility, Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond. I wrote earlier in the year that I wanted harmony in my life and through writing that post came to realise that of course I could have that any time by creating harmony in my life. So I made my peace with not having the time to post on my blog and let it be for a while.

Then recently Jim (my husband) and I have embarked on a journey of abundance through following a workbook on the Law of Attraction. I often say that I always get what I need, when I need it and that I use the Law of Attraction whenever I want more clients (and it works) but when how it worked finally clicked with Jim he decided that I had not been thinking big enough.

So every day we work on abundance - more wealth, more health, more vitality, more love, more time, more energy, more, more more and more.....(you get the idea) and it is working, so here I am with the time to write in my blog.

So whilst I am here let me share with you what got Jim and I all fired up on the wider application of The Law of Attraction and it is a book quite simply named "The Law of Attraction" by Esther and Jerry Hicks

Three words – A MUST READ!

In the foreword we read “I’m telling you that you are holding in your hands the best proof you could ever give yourself that the Law of Attraction is real, is effective, and produces physical outcomes in the real world”. Now I 100% believe in the Law of Attraction and have seen the proof of it myself time and time again but even I had to smile to myself at this because it sounded so clichéd. But I was smiling in a whole different way when I began to read the book and realised that it was all about emotions. I have over the last few months been doing a great deal of research into emotions but had not expected on buying this book that this would be part of that research, so yes it was indeed more proof of the law of attraction for me.

If I’m honest I wasn’t really expecting to read anything new but oh how I was wrong. In an amazingly simple read you really are giving the tools and instructions to make wonderful changes in your life. As a hypnotherapist understanding how being fully engaged in something will sidetrack the conscious, analytical mind making suggestions more easily acceptable, I would go as far as to say that the words on the page were hypnotic because of the emotions that they evoked. I have found that since reading the book I am making changes in my every day life not by trying, not through any hard work but simply because they make sense.

I have created such excitement around the book that not only are Jim and I on this journey of abundance but my sister is now reading it, a friend keeps asking when it will be available for her to read and another friend has bought her own copy. I've now bought two spare copies just so I can give it out to friends when I get them excited about it and I can’t wait to discuss it with them all.

There will be those that are not ready to read this book but to those I would say find something small to test out what you are reading, once you have succeeded with that test out something else and then something else and so on.

There maybe others that might be put off by the idea that the message is channelled through Esther and are in fact the teachings of Abraham. To those I would say let go of where the message has come from and focus on the teachings themselves.

I can’t rave about this book enough. I feel the need to repeat – A MUST READ!

So there it is a short, simple post that I hope you enjoy and take something from. I've got another post brewing in my mind so there won't be quite such a long wait for the next one :-).

Living Fully in the Present Moment

2010-05-04T15:07:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since I've been able to sit down quietly and write a blog entry. I've been so busy running around after Evan (quite literally sometimes), seeing clients, running courses, writing new materials for my online shop, seeing friends, being a wife, a daughter, a mum, etc, etc, etc...... often all at the same time.

But then something stopped me in my tracks and made me really want to write a new blog entry (although I must confess it has taken me over a week to get round to doing it). And what was that something I hear you ask..... Well I was driving home after dropping Evan off at nursery, it is a 30 minutes drive so I often get lost in thoughts of everything that I have to do but as I keep missing my turn offs when I do this (I have a habit of just driving in a straight line when I get too distracted, it must be my subconscious way of keeping me safe) I decided to turn the radio on.

I'm a big Chris Moyles fan so I went straight for Radio 1 but they were about to do the 'car park challenge' which I hate so I switched over and found myself on Radio 2. Now my poor mum has not been able to cope since she lost her cherished Terry Wogan for Chris Evans so I thought I'd stick around for a while and have a listen and find out what she keeps complaining about. I'm not sure whether I caught him on a tame day or he's getting old and just seems tame compared to Moyles but I started enjoying the show (so maybe I'm getting old alongside him).

Anyway back to what stopped me in my tracks. He had a guest on the show talking about how at a recent conference he'd attended he'd noticed how so many people were using their Blackberrys, and Iphones and were texting, emailing and tweeting rather than giving their focussed attention to the speaker. He went on to say that some recent research carried out by neuroscientists in an American University have found that we are not wired up to multi task. That our brains have limited capacity for processing information and it is impossible to focus on 2 things at the same time and be fully responsive to what is going on. Now this is not news to me as a hypnotherapist and one of the first things I teach my clients is that they can't focus on two thoughts at the same time and how the cancel technique uses this to their advantage. The thing that struck me was when he said that he felt that this was very much in line with the ancient wisdom that we should try and live fully in the present moment.

I hate the word should and I hate the word try and this sentence made me fully realise why. Like so many people I am constantly multi-tasking and not really giving enough attention to specific things. This 'should' made me feel guilty and the 'try' made me feel like a failure (which is why I won't let my clients use these words). So once I'd learned what I needed to from these emotions I decided that the next day I would live in the present moment (I had to get my head round it first ;-)).

My biggest sense of guilt came from not being in the present moment when I was with Evan and as it was Tuesday and we always have a morning at home together I started with her. To fully appreciate this I need to take you on a little side story (hopefully you are used to the way I ramble on by now). Evan has been getting quite 'pushy' around other kids, we thought it had stopped so I was very upset to find it had started again. When I got home from dropping her at the nursery I did a search for google "desperate mum kid hitting" - now I realise as I write this I could have got any number of odd results but as often is the case I found exactly what I was looking for, and what I learned very clearly highlighted that I would need to be fully in the present moment to make any of it work. So every time I was with Evan for the next two days I was completely in the moment with her and do you know what, we had sooooooooo much fun. She hadn't suddenly become perfect but I did the things that I'd learned and every time instead of a battle of wills we'd end up laughing. And what's more when I arrived to pick Evan up from nursery on Thursday (she goes on Monday and Thursday mornings) Evan had earned a huge star for playing so nicely and the staff commented on what a change they'd seen in her.

I must confess I've slipped a little and I've seen a change in Evan's behaviour so tomorrow I choose again to be fully in the present moment whenever I am with her. My aim is to keep practicing until it becomes second nature to do this around her and in turn in other areas of my life. I would add at this point that this doesn't mean she has to have 100% of my attention 100% of the time (to learn more about what I've been doing have a read for yourself and watch the video clip at the end).

There is so much distraction in our lives but apart from the wonderful change I saw in Evan I was amazed to find that I didn't get any less done and I had so much more energy. It is bloody tiring multi-tasking and now it has been proving why - we are actually overloading our circuits when we are doing it.

I'd love to read your comments on this - whether you've given this post your full and focussed attention or have been multi-tasking whilst reading let me know your thoughts.

Using Real Nappies

2010-03-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

The title of this blog entry is a little misleading because you might have thought that I was about to tell you all about using them. Sadly it isn't because as much as I thought about it before I had Evan I just never built up enough confidence to give them a go. Sadly I met the lovely Johanna who is going to be heading up the Bexley Real Nappy Network when I was already months into using disposables and with my pressures of running Tums 2 Mums and having a tiny baby I couldn't get my head round making the switch.

My biggest concern was would I be able to keep on top of the washing of them and more importantly the drying of them but chatting with Johanna I found that nappies have come a very, very long way and that some of the brands in particular dry incredibly quickly. My other concern was would I be able to deal with having to wash poopy nappies but another chat with Johanna made me realise that most of it just gets dropped down the toilet. To be honest Evan was so long and skinny that she was always squirting out of her nappies and virtually every day I was having to scrub poop out of her clothes so I didn't escape.

So there you are that is my confession, I wish I had made the switch but I didn't so instead I'm hoping to help at least mums and mums-to-be in reach of Bexley to find out more by attending the event detailed below. If you are not near Bexley though check out your local area because there will be someone, somewhere willing and able to help you find out more.

______________________________________________

Bexley Real Nappy Network (BRNN)

During Real Nappy Week (26th April – 2nd May) The London Borough of Bexley will be launching Bexley Real Nappy Network.

We would like to invite you to attend the launch of Bexley Real Nappy Network.

Bexley Real Nappy Network (BRRN) will launch on:

Wednesday 28th April 10.30am – 1.30pm at Danson Children’s Centre, Brampton Road.

There will be fun nappy events, stalls and tea and cakes.

The aim of the Bexley Real Nappy Network (BRNN) is to promote real nappies and provide support for parents using cloth nappies. We hope this network will give parents a chance to gain practical tips on how to use cloth nappies and share their experience of using different types of cloth nappies. BRNN will also offer a nappy library and second hand nappy exchange. As a member of BRNN you will receive a quarterly newsletter with nappy information and advice.

The BRRN launch will provide you with an opportunity to sign up to the network – there is no cost.

During real nappy week we will also be promoting Real Nappies for London’s voucher scheme by running stalls in the Broadway.

The Mall, in the Broadway Shopping Centre, Bexleyheath:

Monday 26 April 10.30am – 1.30pm

Tuesday 27 April 10.30am – 1.30pm

If you would like more information please contact:

Helen Barclay / Maria Migdal 020 8303 7777 option 1.

Bexley Real Nappy Network: bexleyrealnappynwk@tiscali.co.uk

______________________________________________

I will be there with a little Tums 2 Mums stall so if you do attend please come and say hello :-)

Suspension of home birth and specialist midwifery services in E Sussex

2010-03-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

This is a message that was sent to me by Louise Wilby, Independent Midwives UK that I believe is worth sharing for any of my readers based in this area considering a Home Birth.

_______________________________________________________

Dear All

Excuse the length of this message but the AIMS info is very helpful in telling us what we can do and how to do it.... please pass it on to all those interested in protecting normal birth ( I also have it as a word document if that is useful)

Very best wishes

Louise

ASSOCIATION FOR IMPROVEMENTS IN THE MATERNITY SERVICES

http://www.facebook.com/l/35dad;www.aims.org.uk

Email: Chair@aims.org.uk

Home birth – withdrawal of services

The Association for Improvements in the Maternity Services has been informed that the East Sussex Health Trust has unilaterally decided to revoke the home birth and specialist midwifery service.

This, apparently, is due to ‘staffing levels’ and the Trust has also revoked the ‘specialist midwife roles’ who are required to be ‘put back into the mainstream units’.

In 2000 the Nursing and Midwifery Council issued a statement about home births in which it

States:

‘It is for the individual trust/health board to decide what type of maternity service it will provide. The service is expected to be one which is responsible to local requirements and, as far as home births are concerned, it is understood that a blanket policy of ‘no home births’ would not be acceptable to the maternity services in England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales.’

It further states:

‘While the employed midwife has a contractual duty to her employer, she also has a professional duty to provide midwifery care for women and would not wish to leave a woman in labour at home unattended, thus placing her at risk at a time when competent midwifery care is essential.’

Many Trusts have had staffing problems for a long time and have done little or nothing to resolve it. The Chief Executive, therefore, should be asked to produce the following information:

How many Full-time (FTE) equivalent midwives are required?
How many FTE’s are in post?
How many FTE vacancies are there?

The figures are required for each year from 2005 to 2010.

It is presumed that the Trust’s action has been caused by a midwifery shortage in the hospital. The solution, therefore, is to take steps to recruit more hospital midwives. It is unacceptable to put low risk women who have booked a home birth at additional risk of delivery in large, centralised, obstetric units.

The WHO has stated that there is no health improvement for either mother or baby when the caesarean section rates exceed 10%-15%. In the East Sussex area the caesarean section rates fluctuate from 21.8% to 27.7% more than double the recommended level. Numerous studies have shown that home birth is as safe as hospital birth for selected women. AIMS would argue that home birth is far safer than hospital deliveries as no studies have taken into account depression, infection, breastfeeding or post traumatic stress or the high levels of medical interventions and unnecessary or avoidable caesarean sections. (Young et al 2000; Chamberlain et al, 1997; Northern Region Perinatal Mortality Group, 1996); Weigers et al,1996; Ackermann-Liebrich et al, 1996).

It is unacceptable when faced with staffing problems in an obstetric unit to disband the home birth service, and deprive needy women of the specialist midwifery care that was established to help them. The problems with staffing need to be addressed seriously, and this will only be achieved when a community midwifery service is established by a Primary Care Trust, so that community midwives can focus of supporting normal birth and not be seen as stop-gap measure to be used when the Acute Units have staffing problems.

Any woman who is told that the home birth service has been suspended should write immediately to the Chief Executive, Darren Grayson, at East Sussex Health Trust, 729 The Ridge, St Leonards-on-Sea, TN37 7PT along the following lines:

_______________________________________________________

Dear

I have been informed that you have a shortage of midwives and that the home birth service has been withdrawn, so that I shall, therefore, have to come into hospital. I understand that it is Government policy that the NHS should support women who intend to birth at home. In a House of Commons debate (20 Dec, 2000) Lord Hunt of King's Heath stated: 'The Government want (sic) to ensure that, where it is clinically appropriate, if a woman wishes to have a home birth she should receive the appropriate support from the health service. At the end of the day, it must be the woman's choice'. This statement has received further support in the Government’s current document ‘Maternity Matters’.

Your midwives have been aware of my intention to give birth at home since ...(insert date). I have no intention of taking the additional risk of a hospital birth in order to alleviate your staff shortages, although I am prepared to transfer to hospital should a medical complication arise. I suggest that, if your hospital is short of midwives, you contact the Independent Midwives UK and arrange an extra-contractual referral.

I expect a midwife to attend when I call her in labour. Should a midwife not arrive and any untoward event occur that is related to your failure to respond to my needs and those of my baby, my family will take appropriate action and we shall hold you and the Director of Midwifery personally responsible for this failure and contact the Nursing and Midwifery Council.

It is important that as many people as possible are alerted to this so we suggest that you also write to the following and ask them to take action to ensure that a proper community midwifery service is provided for all women:

Your MP, you can find his address on: http://www.facebook.com/l/35dad;www.writetothem.com

The Chair, Maternity Services Liaison Committee, c/o your local obstetric unit (every maternity unit should have a MSLC and you can check if your unit has one by ringing the Chief Executive and ask for the name of the Chair of the MSLC).

Rt Hon Andy Burnham MP, Secretary of State for Health , Department of Health, Richmond House, 79 Whitehall, London, SW1A 2NS

Christina Mackenzie, Nursing and Midwifery Council, 23 Portland Place, London, W1M 3AF

Cathy Warwick, General Secretary, Royal College of Midwives, 15 Mansfield Street, London, W1G 9NH

Your local County Councillor can be found on http://www.facebook.com/l/35dad;www.eastsussex.gov.uk

If, when you ring for a midwife when you are in labour, you are still told that a midwife cannot attend because they are short staffed, we suggest that you, or your partner, responds as follows:

'What is your name and your status? (Make a note of who it is). 'I have no intention of putting myself or my baby at risk of travelling in labour to the hospital and exposing us to the additional risks of a hospital delivery. If you fail to send a midwife and any untoward event occurs which can be attributed to your failure to provide a midwife you can rest assured that my family will take appropriate action'.

So far, in every case to date that we know of, the Trust has provided a midwife.

It is important that you alert as many people as possible to this problem. Do let AIMS know whether or not you achieved your home birth in the end. Email Chair@aims.org.uk

Valentines Competition

2010-02-14T06:35:00.000-08:00

AND THE WINNERS ARE:

Elie (please email so I can send you your prize)

Joanne Ball

Chloe Chatnoi

@law4mumpreneurs

Marie

NOTE: As a special thank you for those of you who have entered this competition but not been lucky enough to win, I would like to offer you the opportunity of purchasing the programme for the amazing price of £26. If you are interested in this offer please email me at dany@tums2mums.com

Okay so I know that Valentines day is all about love and affection between intimate companions but for many that love culminates in having children so I thought it would be a lovely time to launch this competition. It also happens to coincide with the completion of a very exciting project and so the timing is perfect.

That project was the turning of my Hypnosis for Childbirth mp3s into a complete Hypno 4 Birth Home Study Programme. I have been busy putting together a workbook/manual that helps women understand more about the benefits of using these mp3s during childbirth and I've also done some re-writing/recording and added 2 additional mp3s.

As you work your way through the manual you will learn:

How the muscles of the uterus are designed to work during labour and how fear and anxiety affect them working efficiently.
How to change negative thinking habits and beliefs to positive ones that support your desire to have a calm, comfortable birth experience.
How to tap into your own natural birthing instincts.
What hypnosis is and what it isn't.
The impact the mind and your imagination has upon your body and what you experience.
A variety of techniques to use during your pregnancy to prepare your mind and body for a positive birth experience.
How your birth companion can support you.
How to use the techniques during labour and birth

The manual is supported by 8 mp3s and a relaxation plan to help you structure your practise. You will also be sent an invitation to my private Hyp 'n Happening Google Group where you can post any questions you may have and meet other mums and mums-to-be using hypnosis for their birth preparations.

The mp3s that you will receive are as follows:

5,4,3,2,1, relax which is already available as a free download so that you can find out if you enjoy listening to my voice.
Cloak of Protection to protect you from outside negative influences (a new mp3 currently not available)
Birth Affirmations which provide a structured way to practise new thoughts
Natural Calm Progressive Relaxation.
Glove Relaxation to learn how you can utilise the power of your mind and your imagination to change your experience of sensations within your body (re-written and newly recorded)
Cushion of Comfort to stimulate your endorphins your body's natural pain relief.
Surge with Sea Birth Rehearsal Imagery (a new mp3 currently not available).
Fear and Emotional Release to help let go of any negative thinking and beliefs, to clear the way for your new positive thoughts that will lead to the acceptance that birth can indeed be a calm, comfortable experience that YOU are in control of.

All mp3s are accompanied by beautiful piano music written and recorded especially for me by Paul Herbert.

And the good news is that I have FIVE of these new Hypno Birth Home Study sets to GIVE AWAY. All you have to do is to write about this competition with a link to this page of my blog to let others know it is available. It might be that you are a member of a forum like NetMums, Baby Centre or Mums Like You, a keen Tweeter on Twitter or have your own blog.

Once you've done that comment on this post with the link to wherever you've written about the competition (or email me at dany@tums2mums.com with your link) so that I can add your name into the draw. The more links you place the more entries you will have into the draw (this can include different birth boards on the same forum).

And even if you are not pregnant why not do this for a friend. The opportunity to have a more positive birth experience is the best gift you could give them.

The competition will run for a month starting today (Valentines Day) and closing at midnight on 14th March (my Birthday - how appropriate) . The draw will be made on 15th March and winners names will be placed on the top of this blog entry (if your due date falls within this period and you would still like to benefit from this programme email me separately).

Please help me spread the word that birthing really can be a normal, natural, comfortable event for most women.

Harmony in mind and body

2010-02-09T02:13:00.000-08:00

Regular readers to my blog and in fact anyone who knows me either professionally or personally will know that I strive to create harmony in the mind both for myself and others. In fact when my pal Claire Lancaster set me the task of writing about my Theme Word for 2010 I was drawn to writing about wanting more Harmony in my life.

However, of late I've begun wondering more about feeling harmony within my body. Recently I've had a lot of aches, very tense muscles and feeling bloated and then finally last week I put my back out. This hasn't happened since before I had Evan and was the final straw that made me realise that there is complete disharmony in my body at the moment. Sadly this has begun to leak into how I feel in myself and I've been noticeably more irritable, mainly to my husband and close family cos I hide it well to everyone else, but I'm having to check my mood and working a bit too hard to remain calm and relaxed and so it is time to do something.

This has coincided with the desire to become a bit lighter. I'm pretty much the weight I was before I got pregnant with Evan but I know that I would feel better if I was at least another stone lighter. Which for now will be my goal.

However, I've never done well with diets in fact I'd say I've never really been on one. I'd maybe think about going on a diet and even joined Slimming World once but they are not for me. As I start thinking about structuring foods into 'good and bad' or 'free foods and those with points' it just makes me focus on how much I want the thing that is perceived to be nicer than the good/free stuff. Even if it would never normally be a food I'd think much about. Now don't get me wrong I think weight loss approaches such as Slimming World have come a long way and I believe make it so much easier for many women they just don't work with regards to my attitude to food.

For me I find that if I tap into when I actually need food rather than just wanting it, my emotional attachment to food and how food makes me feel physically that I have more success. I want to do more for my body this year. It works so hard for me I thought I really should give something back. But when I thought about what that meant and the whole "you are what you eat" business it felt a bit overwhelming and I almost stopped at the first hurdle, back to worrying, like diets, it would just make me focus on foods that I 'shouldn't' be eating. But then I read a review of a book (not necessarily a book I'll get but maybe!) and the writer stated that what they loved was the way the book helped you to change gradually and I had one of those light bulb moments. Of course I don't have to make all the changes at once and as I'm not fixated on exactly how much I want to get lighter each week there is no pressure either. So for this week I am going to make two simple changes.

Beyond my first cup of tea, with milk and sugar, of the day (which Jim brings me in bed just before going to work) I am going to go back to how I used to be before I had Evan and not have any more. In fact when I was in a 9-5 job I barely had a cup of tea a month let alone every day just loads and loads of water. Instead I'm going to drink water like I used to and have lovely hot drinks like Camomile and Honey and Lemon and Ginger. Actually on the box of the Lemon and Ginger it says it brings harmony to the body and I'm feeling pretty good as I sit here drinking it. It is most likely my emotional response to the drink rather than it actually bringing harmony to my body at this moment (especially as it is the first one I've drunk) but hey I don't care I'm feeling good and enjoying my drink. That is what I want to have more of from my food and so the other change for this week will be to eat more fruit. Every time I give Evan some fruit I will have some myself also (it is ludicrous that I've not done this up till now).

I will keep you updated on how I'm getting on little steps, little changes each and every week and how I'm feeling both in body and mind.

I wonder what it will be next week?

Advice for first time mums

2010-02-04T10:31:00.000-08:00

My pal Claire Lancaster has put out a request, on behalf of a media friend of hers, for some practical and emotional pearls of wisdom for first time mums that you can’t find in books and you only discover when you’ve had a child.

She had some questions so I thought the easiest way to respond to this request was to answer each one.

How painful IS birth. No *really*.

Well if you are a reader of my blog (and it looks like you are cos your here) you will know by now that if you choose to listen to all the horror stories then quite probably the answer to this question will be “very”. However, it really doesn’t have to be that way. My personal answer following the birth of my daughter Evan is “not at all” and for many of my ‘mums’ who have prepared using HypnoBirthing® they will say the same (even those who have been induced, had 4 day labours or had back to back births). Not all report back that their births were pain free as mine was but, without special circumstance, will say that it was comfortable, that they were calm, relaxed and in control. These women look back on their births (and forward to actually) with a sense of excitement and wanting to shout out to the world that birthing really can be a wonderful experience. Yes *really*.

What do you DO with your newborn baby all day?

This depends on what sort of baby you have. If you get one like my sisters first born you will decorate the house because he slept all day. She HAD to have a rigid routine for feeding (something you would never normally have with a newborn baby) because it was the only way she could make sure he had enough. He NEVER stopped sleeping. If you get one like mine who would NEVER let me put her down you carry them around all day, feed them on demand and watch LOADS of rubbish TV.

The key thing is to be led by the baby and don't expect to get anything else done. That way if you don't you've met your expectations and if you do you've exceeded them. Win:Win.

What’s the best way to avoid losing your marbles with lack of sleep/adult company etc?

Unless you end up with one like my sisters. Sleep when your baby sleeps. It won’t be the uninterrupted nights sleep you are used to but then you didn’t expect that with a new born did you. If you nap you won’t become exhausted. If you find you are not able to nod off just because your little bundle of joy is then listen to a relaxation cd/mp3 as that will also help to restore your energy levels and keep you sane.

Adult company is normally the least of your worries in the first few weeks because everyone descends upon you to see the baby. My advice would be restrict this to very few visitors and ask that they don’t stay for too long (unless it is your best friend and you’ve escaped from everyone else with her). And most importantly DO NOT wait on them. If they want to be there they can bring their own cake and make their own tea.

A few weeks down the line and this is the time to meet up with your new ‘baby’ friends. If you haven’t met any at your antenatal classes then there are plenty of mum and baby groups you can join. Or if you are like me and those places filled you with dread I’d recommend finding a lovely baby massage class and something like baby sensory to start with. Once you start meeting other mums and realise that they are all nervous about meeting other mums then it doesn't seem such a scary thing to do. Or is this just me?

Also, before you’ve had your baby find out which of your friends are around when. Not everyone works 9am – 5pm and so you could possibly meet up with friends around their work and also meet up with friends with older kids who are not working. If you find out beforehand then you know you’ve got people you can call upon when you fancy a catch up.

Can you breastfeed while technically asleep? Like a cowboy sleeping upright with his eyes open etc?

Yes, and I say this without hesitation because I know the answer to this question only to well. My little darling decided she would stop sleeping through the night at 5 months. Quite the shock to my system! Instead she would wake up every hour, on the hour, eventually I would give up and bring her into bed with me where she would help herself to my boob anytime she felt like it.

And on that vein, is there any way to have a drink while breastfeeding?

Yes, you can if you plan it. I couldn’t really be bothered (it was when I reached toddler stage that a little drink at the end of the day started beckoning – but that’s a whole other story). It is easier once they are in a routine as you know when their next feed is ‘roughly’ due. Then you can plan to have a drink allowing enough time for it to move through your system before their next feed.

What will seem like a good idea initially – and what will I quickly realise is a total nightmare?

Having baby number 2 – sorry I promise I’m only joking and not even speaking from experience as we are only having the 1.

My real answer is trying to do everything yourself. Control is hard to let go of for many of us but this isn’t the time to care. Say yes to EVERY offer of help that comes your way.

Am I really going to be forgetting my name and putting the loo roll in the fridge for a few months after birth?

There is a lot of talk going on at the moment that there is no such thing as ‘baby brain’. I have to confess I’ve not read/heard any of the points made but what I would say in response (quite cocky of me really considering I've just admitted to not knowing what's been said) is that it may not specifically be a chemical change that happens because a woman has had a baby or is pregnant but sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason. It messes with the brain! A tired, exhausted woman expecting too much of herself is not going to be performing at her best physically, mentally or emotionally. Also, when one is in a highly emotional state this affects clear thinking and when a new born baby enters your life there are all sorts of extreme emotions that women can go through.

And for me the most likely reason, when your baby is screaming for you to deal with whatever it is screaming about you have a feeling that goes through you that cannot be described. Only another mother can nod her head in understanding. It is like THEIR cry (because another baby's doesn’t affect you in this way) triggers a post-hypnotic suggestion within your brain that says “you cannot focus on any other thing until you come over here, pick me up and fulfil my needs”.

Does a gulf open up between you and your child-free friends? How does it change your relationships?

Only if you let it. I find that I am more of a baby/child bore with my friends who do have kids. We boast and moan and get advice from each other on a subject that we have in common and have experience of. When I get together with my friends without kids or with those that do but we're on our own I aim to talk about anything but. Otherwise it would be like having a holiday and taking your work with you.

Am I going to surprise myself – and if so, how?

You will probably be the most surprised when you look back one day and realise that a new mum is looking to you for advice and suddenly you have become an expert. How, did that happen you ask yourself but it does through good old fashioned experience (often known as trial and error in this house).

What won’t I care about half as much, after I’ve given birth/am a mum?

Changing poopy nappies – I would NEVER change a nappy, poopy or otherwise, before I had Evan. Some used to say “but you will have to when you have your own” and I would reply “yes the salient point being, when I have my own, for now I don’t”. Sorry were you looking for something a bit more profound.

My very own special pearl of wisdom

The BEST advice I can give is find a mum who is at least 4-6 months ahead of you. As great as it is to have other new mums around to say “oh yes, mine is doing that” and “oh yes I’m having that kind of trouble too” is that you don’t always get any answers just reassurance that you are all in the same boat. A mum a few months ahead of you will be that expert you yourself will become in time (you know that thing I mentioned under the “what will surprise me" bit).

I hope this has been useful for both my readers and Claire's media pal.

From one mum to another

2010-02-01T23:44:00.001-08:00

Hi there

I am writing this post for a mum that I've never met before but is part of the wonderful HypnoBirth community that I belong to on Baby Centre. I will leave her to tell you more.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi everyone, I am mummy to Alex, Charlotte and Sophia and I'm now here asking for your help to spread the word about a little boy who is in need of our help.

His name is Jamie Inglis and he is 4 years old, he has just finished his 8th lot of high dose chemo and needs to go to America for further treatment to save his life.

I am going to be jumping out of a plane to try and help the family reach the £250 000 that they need for Jamies treatment, I am Jumper RED 9 and am really strugelling to get sponsors, so I am asking for your help please, there is no minimum sponsor, anything is very much appreciated, together we can help save his life, hes just 4 years old!

If any of you can sponsor me, please can you put in the message that its for RED 9, it is very quick and easy to do.

There is a Jamie Inglis Appeal page on facebook where you can follow Jamies story so far.

And here is the link to the Jump for Jamie sponsor and donations page, please please help by either sponsoring or just spreading the word.

http://www.justgiving.com/JUMP-FOR-JAMIE

Thanks in advance ladies, anything and everything helps :)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

As Alex says absolutely any amount will help however small so if you can donate that would be really great.

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten"

2010-01-27T08:30:00.000-08:00

A fab quote from the great Anthony Robbins that I feel works well as an introduction to a post about 'beliefs'.

Our beliefs are personal to us. I am sure there have been many times in your life when you have met a person who has a completely different opinion on a subject to you. This is often hard to understand. Who is right, who is wrong? Maybe no-one, maybe both!

Our beliefs about our world come from the things that happen to us, what we see, hear and do. As we experience things we notice the outcomes we get and if we get the same result over and over again it becomes 'fact' for us. In turn we start to filter out anything that doesn't fit with our new belief convincing us all the more that what we believe is right. But actually it is just what we 'think' or to be more correct what we 'imagine' is right.

What you believe dictates the choices you make for yourself and the actions that you take. What you think about things therefore affects your behaviour. Every behaviour has a consequence and so you are in control of what happens to you in your life by what you tell yourself - your thoughts.

Taking responsibility for your thoughts (and therefore your actions) is a big step forward in achieving the life that you want.

Step 1 - Recognise which of your beliefs are not working for you. A good indicator is whether something is making you feel bad in some way.

Step 2 - Evaluate the 'truth' of your beliefs. Take the filter off for a while. Deliberately look for information to test whether this particular belief is always true - or NOT!

Step 3 - Replace the negative thoughts with new positive ones that fit with your new understanding gained from step 2.

So 3 simple steps then! But just proving to yourself that what you believe about something isn't true doesn't make the process of change easy. Even something painful can be 'comfortable' because it is familiar and what we know. It is easier to do what we've always done..... You can see where the title of this post came from now can't you ;-)

For your new belief to become comfortable it needs to be practised consciously until it becomes familiar enough so as to become a more deep routed belief at the subconscious level. You don't really have to think about it anymore you just feel that way. Just like when you are learning a new motor skill for example driving a car. At first you are very consciously aware of everything you need to do but with time and practise you get to a point where you barely notice that you are changing gear, stepping on the brake, stopping at a red light. In fact you can sing along to the radio or chat with a friend whilst you are doing it.

With a commitment to succeed the Cancel technique provides a structured way to practise new thought patterns. At first it will take effort but it is worth it. In time you will begin to notice a subtle shift in how you are thinking as your new belief becomes a part of your subconscious programming, in turn the choices you make and the actions you take will reflect this. Remember you are responsible for your thoughts, your thoughts dictate your actions, every action you make has a consequence that impacts on your life. Your head creates your world. You are in control of your life.

And once you have learnt how to make a change in one area of your life you may find other beliefs that no longer work for you and change them too.

If you'd like support exploring the ideas presented on this post you may be interested to learn more about my Happy Mums! programme.

This one is for me

2010-01-25T14:55:00.001-08:00

There is no other way of saying it because I'm posting this pure and simply because I want to win some free jewellery. And not just any old jewellery I might add but a fabulous piece, worth up to £150, of ones own choosing from the Chambers and Beau new collection.

The only problem is that in order to enter I have to tell all of my readers about it and so if you like beautiful jewellery too then you will enter reducing my chances of winning.

So if by some small chance you want to find out how you can enter the big C&B giveaway click here

Appreciating how much you've achieved?

2010-01-24T01:08:00.000-08:00

This little gem comes from my husband Jim.

Last night after he'd spent many hours doing overtime he said "....and I've still got loads more to do tomorrow :-(". I replied "focus on what you've achieved today it will make you feel happier". He thought for a moment and then said but that doesn't really help I'm still not looking forward to all I have to do tomorrow. Another pause "....... however, if I imagine that everything I have done today needs to be done again I can suddenly appreciate how much I've achieved and I feel great :-)"

To illustrate this further he used one of his 'Jimmy analogies'

"imagine you have painted a room today. That job is done but all you can think about is needing to paint another room tomorrow - urgh!! Then someone tells you that you've painted it the wrong colour and you need to start all over again tomorrow - double urgh!! Then as they look they realise that they like the new colour and there is no need for you to paint it all again - yay!!!!! You are now feeling very happy about all that you have achieved today - double yay!!!!!"

(although I must confess he didn't say the urgh's and yay's I added them in for dramatic effect ;-)). Just updating this post because I've been reliably informed that he did say the yay's :-D

So next time you can't see the wood for the trees and are finding it impossible to feel good about what you've already achieved, imagine having to start all over again you will soon be feeling better.

I'm definitely going to be including this in my Happy Mums programme.

Make emotions your friend!

2010-01-19T11:22:00.000-08:00

This blog entry comes from a conversation I had with my husband Jim. We are both hot heads although over the years have learned to 'most of the time' control our outbursts but this very control I believe has affected our relationship with our emotions. Until now :-)

I am in the middle of reading a wonderful book (I would recommend it to any parent) 'The Complete Secrets of Happy Children' by Steve Biddulph. The chapter entitled Kids and Emotions actually starts out with a confession from the author that this title is a little idealistic; "In the adult world, no-one is ever, or would want to be - continually happy. So for our children, such an aim actually would be wrong.............. What we really want is kids who can handle and move along through the many feelings that life brings... Joy is the goal, but being comfortable and experiencing all the emotions life brings is the way to get there most often".

Many adults I meet personally and work with therapeutically have never learned these skills (I know myself my Hypnotherapy and Counselling course changed my world in this respect and I was 30 when I attended it). And it is not really surprising as many of us have grown up in a world of "stiff upper lips", "keep your chin up", "it is not ladylike to get angry", "big boys don't cry", "don't be a big girls blouse", "putting a brave face on things" and I am sure there are many more you can think of. When I am working with people I always say "If it FEELS right it is right" but for so many who have not only learned but been brainwashed into squashing perceived negative emotions this is not always an easy thing to trust.

When our babies are born they are not inhibited and therefore will show their emotions freely and as a result the negative emotions that they have rarely last long. Although of course they do need direction on how to channel these powerful emotions appropriately but this is where it can end up going so so wrong. It is at this point kids need to learn to make friends with their emotions not see some as their enemy. The good news is though if you didn't learn this as a kid you can open your mind to the possibility now and as is often the case in any good relationship it is based on understanding.

We may sometimes wish that we had no feelings, when our heart has been broken, we've lost someone dear to us, someone is treating us badly and so on but ALL of our emotions have a very big role to play, yes even the negative one.

Our emotions range from subtle to very strong in intensity and, put simply, are there to tell the subconscious what it needs to do to run the body and to help us as we move through the different events and experiences of our lives.

There are four basic emotions:

Anger
Fear
Sadness
Joy

All other shades of feelings are a mix of these and there are thousands of combinations possible.

Imagine for a moment that you never felt ANGRY couldn't you so easily become life's doormat? In fact I'm sure we all know at least one person who has been taught that they must not show anger (they may well be feeling it but certainly not showing it) and don't people just walk all over them. ANGER makes us stand up for ourselves - it "keeps us free" (It should be noted that this is not the same as violence. Violence is anger gone wrong).

Think of a time when you looked after a young child, newly crawling and exploring their world, they have NO FEAR. You have to make sure that they don't fall down the stairs, stick their hands in the fire, etc. Now imagine you have no fear of ANYTHING!!!! It doesn't bare thinking about does it, let alone imagining. Fear slows us down, forces us to stop and think and avoid danger - often our gut instinct has even perceived something long before the conscious brain understands what and therefore FEAR "keeps us safe".

SADNESS helps us to heal. When we feel sad the chemical changes that occur help our brain to physically release the pain. People say that time heals everything - in a manner of speaking but the time is needed for the brain to release the pain. For some, depending on the type of hurt, that may mean many years and/or a strong support network. In some circumstances an element of sadness never goes away and that is appropriate too as we want to remember. But properly handled SADNESS helps us to move on to new life, enabling us to let go and make new contact with people and experiences.

All three of these outcomes are central to our happiness and JOY is what we start to experience when these needs are fulfilled.

Understanding how useful our emotions are opens up our minds to the possibility of embracing those feelings, to make emotions our friend. Acknowledge your emotions as you become aware of them think about why you are feeling a certain way, take action if appropriate, use them to learn about your behaviour patterns and make changes if you want to. It may seem a lot to take on but whenever you are unsure as to what to do imagine that you are a small child and your adult self is there to guide you.

Help the angry child wanting to express him/herself use clear lines of communication to ensure they are heard?
Talk to the frighten child about what is scaring them. Help them explore the facts, think it through, seek out help.
Maybe all the sad child needs is a hug and the reassurance of knowing that this is how the body is designed to heal. Acknowledge the pain, express it when it bubbles up and let it rest as it may.
Joy - allow the child in you to run free and have fun whenever the opportunity arises

Obviously as I said before there are many thousands of possible combinations of the four basic emotions but, as it would be impossible and unnecessary for me to list them, I will leave you to contemplate what advice you would give your small child as different emotions arise.

Don't feel the need to squash down the more difficult emotions and 'put a brave face on things' or in fact hide your joy to protect another. It doesn't have to be about 'washing your dirty laundry in public' (there goes another one) or 'rubbing someone's face in it' (and another) just expressing how you are feeling in a clear and honest way to yourself and to others when you are 'happy' or 'sad'.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MAKING EMOTIONS YOUR FRIEND!

If you'd like support exploring the ideas presented on this post you may be interested to learn more about my Happy Mums! programme.

Harmony

2010-01-16T07:49:00.000-08:00

My lovely pal Claire Lancaster recently tagged me with a meme #themewords. It doesn't matter if you don't know what a meme is, actually I haven't a clue why they are called meme's or who started them off, the key point of this particular one is that I've been asked to write about my Theme Word for 2010. A word to describe how I would like my year ahead to be.

Claire writes that allegedly your #themeword can unfold in unexpected ways and then having chosen the word Enjoyment demonstrates this beautifully. Now I must confess my first thought was "well you've gone and picked the best word already haven't you" and grumbled away to myself that I'd felt like I'd been set a piece of unwanted homework. However, that night lying in bed I found myself pondering over what my #themeword would be.

When I started this post my #themeword was balance but as I was putting my thoughts down on paper (well screen) it didn't feel right. As I wrote things like balance between work and family, time for me and time for Evan, time for me and time for Jim and so on it just felt that everything was one big compromise. What I realised I wanted was not balance but Harmony.

It is so easy to get things out of perspective when we've got a lot going on. I didn't have 'enough' time last year and I will not have 'enough' time this year and most probably the years after that to get everything done that I want to do. The things that had to get done were done, as were so many other things, and I am incredibly lucky as everything I have to do I want to do which surely is a great thing (if you read back in my blog you'll see I got rid of my cleaning and ironing chores quite a long time ago and believe me that was a 'life saver').

I love being a wife, a mother, a sister the sort of friend that my friends know they can call at any time and talk for hours about the same thing they called about the week before. I love my work and knowing that my clients gain so much from working with me, that strangers I've helped on sites like Baby Centre and Twitter send me such lovely messages of thanks. I love that Jim and I are both committed to each other to our family and doing the very best for Evan. I love chatting with my Twitter pals and getting lost writing a blog entry, working on a new hypnosis script and recording a new mp3. I love....... you get the point.

There are so many wonderful things in my life - do I remember this all of the time NO! Is life perfect all the time NO and boy wouldn't it be very boring if it was. When I focus on what is great with my world does it make me feel wonderful YES! Do I want more ABSOLUTELY, but it doesn't mean that there isn't Harmony in my life now. Harmony in my life comes from Harmony in my mind. It is already there I just have to notice it.

I'm not sure if this post makes total sense but the statement that your #themeword can unfold in unexpected ways sure is true.

And tomaaaaatoooooo!!!!

2010-01-04T03:31:00.000-08:00

Has she gone mad you ask yourself. The excesses of Christmas addled her brain???

No! There is a very simple explanation for the odd title to this post. For those of your who have heard my free mp3 you will know that it has been designed for you to quickly access a deep state of relaxation by taking a nice deep relaxing breath in and as you breathe out see, sense or imagine the numbers 5,4,3,2,1 reeeeeeeelax!

Recently I've decided to actually say the numbers out loud when I'm practising this as I feel it may help Evan (2.5 years old) calm and relax too. The little comedienne that she is promptly repeats after me 1,2,3,4,5 "pause for comedic effect" tomaaaaatoooooo (why tomato I do not know). She then proceeds to give out a great big belly laugh because she knows she's done something funny.

Either way it works though because laughter stimulates endorphins and makes you feel good and it acts as a useful distraction if she's previously been a little monkey ;-)

It's Competition Time!!!

2009-12-29T02:10:00.000-08:00

I have put together this competition as I am hoping to help a very good friend of mine. Caz Arnold aka @dougggie who happens to be a HypnoBirthing practitioner (although this isn’t relevant here) sadly lost her father very suddenly on Christmas day. The reason I am posting this is that Caz is currently in the middle of raising money for the Dogs Trust Arctic Dogs Sledding Challenge but as I am sure you can imagine this has knocked her sideways and she is currently unable to put much energy in to it.

The prize - 3 lucky entrants will win my complete 5 x Hypnosis for Childbirth mp3s worth £26. If you'd like to find out more about these mp3s click here

To enter - All I ask is that you click on Caz’s fund raising link at the bottom of this page and put a minimum (more if you want) donation of £2. All names will then be entered into a draw. In order for me to be able to contact you if you win please ensure that you put the following information in the comments box when making your donation:

Tums2Mums competition and either your Baby Centre or Twitter ID. If you do not have either of these please leave your name and then tick the box that enables Caz to see your email address and she will then forward your email address to me. Your email address WILL NOT be passed on to anyone other than myself.

The competition will close at midnight on 9th January and the winners will be announced on this blog on the 10th January. Notices will also be placed on the HypnoBirth board of Baby Centre UK and Twitter.

To enter and make your donation please click here http://www.justgiving.com/cazarnold/

Thank you for helping me help my lovely friend help a worthy cause.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T01:01:00.001-08:00

To all my lovely readers and followers of my blog I hope you have

a wonderful day today and a very happy New Year!

x x x x

Birth Companion's Role

2009-12-06T06:45:00.000-08:00

The most important thing for the birth companion to understand is their role on the day and mums you will want to let them know what your expectations are. These are broken down into a number of categories.

Simple Nurturing

Getting water and snacks
Helping mum to change position
Getting a track ready on your ipod (click here for information on my Hypno 4 Birth Home Study programme and individual mp3s)
Reminding mum to go to the loo
Etcetera

Supporting your relaxation

With touch

On the HypnoBirthing course we teach a specific technique for anchoring (linking the dads placement of his hand on the mums shoulder to the mum being in a deeply relaxed state). The aim being that during labour he could simply place his hand on her shoulder and she will move more deeply into a state of relaxation. However, I believe that with most couples that these anchors are already there. As long as your partner is in a relaxed state I'm sure if he placed his hand on your shoulder during labour you would find it reassuring and therefore relaxing.

Light touch massage (gently stroking the back and arms with the fingernails)

Massage (I teach dads how to use massage during labour but if you can't get to a class you may be interested in buying this great little book and massage oil written by Vital Touch)

With words

In the same way that you would find your partners touch reassuring as long as he is calm, similarly if he speaks to you in a calm, relaxed, quiet way during labour, using soothing prompts at appropriate times, this will also help you to feel calm and relaxed. These can be as simple as "you are doing great", "I love you", I'm so proud of you", "our baby is coming, its so exciting".

With your relaxation techniques

Facial relaxation - if there is any tensions in the face dad can remind mum to place the tip of her tongue behind her front upper teeth to enable the lower jaw to recede and relax. In turn this will send relaxation down through the body.

As mum finishes a surge to say "now give me a nice relaxing breath in" - dad to breathe in which will cause mum to follow - and then to breathe out with some sound which will again cause mum to follow. As he is doing that to say "reeee" on the in breath and "laaaaaaaax" on the out breath (I promise this is easier to do than explain in writing). This encourages mum to take a calm, relaxing breath at the end of a surge and ensures she moves more deeply into a state of relaxation.

Should something bring mum out of her state of relaxation/trance a very quick and easy way for her to go back in (if it has been practised) is for dad to say "close your eyes, give me a nice relaxing breath in and as you breathe out 5,4,3,2,1 relax). This is incredibly simple but well worth using as much as you can prior to labour as you will reap the rewards when you are having your baby. Click here for a free mp3 to practise this.

As advocate and protector of the birth experience

Obviously with any Hypnosis for Childbirth programme what you are learning is based on your labour and birth not having any special circumstances (complications). However, sometimes there maybe talk of intervention that is not absolutely necessary and is based on AVOIDING a problem occurring as opposed to there being one at the time (many doctors like to err on the side of caution).

Should this happen it is worth your birth companion asking some simple questions. I should add as a pre-cursor to this that this will be helped if you have done the following:

Written a short and simple birth plan which has laid out your expectations of birth (you can read mine here).

On arrival your birth companion has met with your midwife and taken them through your birth plan and expectations of birth (take extra copies in case there is a shift change and he has to do this again). Mentioning that should there be any talk of intervention he would like to have the opportunity to ask some appropriate questions. Reassuring them that at no time will your birth plan be more important than the health of mum and baby.

The questions that he will want to ask are:

What is the medical indication for suggestion this?

What would happen if we didn't do it?

Would you be prepared to wait for 5, 10, 15 minutes in order for us to do some relaxation work together?

Is my partner or baby in IMMEDIATE danger?

Once your partner has asked these questions he is then able to come and discuss options with you. The thing to remember if they albeit reluctantly give you more time to have confidence in this. When there is a TRUE EMERGENCY they will not give you time.

As I've mentioned throughout it is important for your birth companion to also be in a calm, relaxed state. Adrenalin is catching and therefore any fear or stress within your partner can be passed on to you. Practising the hypnosis techniques together supports this but if you've got a partner who is not able to practise with you (for whatever reason) remember if you put on your relaxation mp3s when they are also relaxing (eg on going to bed) their subconscious will be hearing the positive suggestions too.

Along with going through what I've mentioned in this blog entry I would strongly recommend that the birth companion does a fear release session as this will help them ensure that they are feeling fully confident about their role in supporting you when you are having your baby.

If you have any questions following reading this blog entry please add a comment and I will answer them for you.

Sorry seat and the power of words

2009-11-26T05:12:00.000-08:00

For those who have come across this entry via my "Hypnosis Techniques" section should note that this is not actually a hypnosis technique but it is tapping into how powerfully words affect our behaviour and therefore worthy of its place under this label.

A few weeks ago I had one of those "ding!" moments as I call them. I was scrolling through my tweets on Twitter and came across mention of the "Sorry Seat" from one of my Twitter pals, Natalie from Sophie4Sophie Well of course as a hypnotherapist, who is always teaching people how the words they use/hear (internally or externally) impacts on how they see themselves and in turn what they attract into their lives, it made so much sense. I can't believe I hadn't noticed it before.

When I used to put Evan on the naughty seat she would of course sit there (or not) for the whole time reflecting on the fact that she was naughty. Now reflecting is a big word for a 2.5 year old and to be frankly honest there was less reflecting and more demonstrating of just why she was sat on the naughty seat. However, the very first time I told Evan that she was going to have a Time Out on the Sorry Seat she did in fact sit there quietly for the whole time very obviously thinking about the need to be sorry. How do I know this (apart from the fact that she wasn't continuing to be naughty)? Because after a few moments she said "mummy I'd like to be sorry now". So I went over and she said and signed (this is one sign that hasn't yet been lost which I find very sweet) sorry! And told me why she was sorry.

And no this wasn't a fluke. Every time she has been placed on the Sorry Seat the same thing has happened. And I've taken this a step further. I'd always understood that you don't tell the child it is naughty. That the action was naughty or it was naughty behaviour. However, they are still focussing on being naughty and so now whenever she is doing something I don't want her to I say "Evan if you do not stop doing that you will have a Time Out on the Sorry Seat" and I begin to count from 1 to 3. I very rarely get past 1. This never used to happen I always got to 3 before and then had quite a battle getting her on the naughty seat and keeping her there.

The power of words never ceases to amaze me. Thanks Natalie for teaching me this fab little gem!

Breastfeed in your sleep

2009-11-24T13:51:00.000-08:00

A fun slideshow about co-sleeping and breastfeeding.

Please enjoy this lovely relaxation mp3 on me

2009-11-22T14:20:00.000-08:00

I am very happy to say that I have finally found the time to record the following mp3. Something I've been wanting to do for a long time in order to offer my readers the chance to experience one of my mp3s for free and also to enjoy the relaxation that brings.

On the face of it this mp3 is a very simple progressive relaxation but it is done in a very clever way (even if I do say so myself ;-)). It also has a useful twist in that you are learning a very quick and easy way to send relaxation through your body any time you choose (eyes open or eyes closed. Resting at home or in a queue at the Supermarket).

So why is it different? Firstly, the way it relaxes your body. Rather than just saying relax your shoulders, arms, chest, etc. which to be honest is very difficult to do. Think about it now if I say to you "relax your shoulders", you may adjust your shoulders physically or you might imagine your muscles being more relaxed if you have any experience with relaxation techniques but it is still quite a difficult request. If however, I ask you to use your mind to imagine your shoulders moving away from your neck (not physically moving at all just sending the message using your mind) the only way for your body to respond and carry out this instruction is to relax the muscles. You will notice as you progress through the mp3 this is how I get you to relax many of the muscles within your body and then using your mind to imagine moving the comfort this brings on to the next set of muscles.

Secondly, the useful twist comes with the addition of imagining numbers as you progress down through the body '5,4,3,2,1'. These numbers become a very useful trigger for each of the muscle groups to which they are attached to relax. This happens very simply by taking in a nice relaxing breath in and as you breath out seeing, sensing or imagining the numbers 5,4,3,2,1 relax. Listening regularly to this mp3 together with taking every opportunity to use this simple technique will ensure that you can easily move from feeling tense, wound up, anxious, etc to feeling calm, relaxed and in control any time you want to.

I hope you enjoy it and please leave comments to let me know what you think. This mp3 has been deliberately written for general use and is therefore not specific to pregnancy, labour and birth. If you enjoy it and would like to find out more about my Hypnosis for Childbirth set of mp3s please take a look at my shop.

This is the link in order for you to download the mp3. Please share with your friends if you feel they would enjoy it too.

Hypno Mummy to become a G-d Mummy too

2009-10-15T07:10:00.000-07:00

First the back story.....

Clare (Little Yummy Bags) and I met 3 years ago almost exactly to the day when she attended the first day of her HypnoBirthing course on 7th October 2006. Fate stepped in right from that very first meeting to ensure that we would become friends because it was also the course that my husband was on to learn all about HypnoBirthing for the birth of our daughter Evan. The other couple due to attend unfortunately had to attend the hospital that morning (all was well) and so asked if I could move them on to the next course. This meant that it was just the four of us. Clare and I and our partners Piers and Jim (respectively).

The course was great fun particularly because Piers and Jim are remarkably similar and both having a wicked sense of humour meant there was a lot of laughter.

Fast forward to around August 2007. Due to our busy professional lives Clare and I had not had much contact since the course, beyond some support regarding the HypnoBirthing, but once Evan was born and we were both on maternity leave we thought it was about time we met up. I went to visit Clare with a 2 month old Evan and as Clare was just a bit ahead of me with a 6 month old Hannah we had lots to talk about (an opportunity for me to pick up some hints and tips from a mum just ahead of me - something I recommend for my clients to do if they can). We didn't stop talking , sitting their breastfeeding our beautiful girls and chatting like we'd known each other for years. It was wonderful. But no sooner had we got used to the fact that we lived around the corner from each other and what great friends we were becoming Clare and Piers decided to move to Canterbury (not a million miles away from Sidcup I know but an hour in the car and Evan at the time was an awful traveller). Luckily for me though Clare was happy to make the drive more times than was fair and so our friendship blossomed.

So it was of course a natural thing for me to do a refresher HypnoBirthing session with Clare and Piers when they became pregnant with their second child. I had mentioned how much I would love to be at the birth and was overjoyed when Clare said that they were both happy for me to be there. Unfortunately, I was on the wrong side of the door when Madeleine arrived because Clare left it a little too late to call me (she was so calm and relaxed that she had no idea she was in such an advanced stage of labour - you can read her story here). But I saw Madeleine within minutes of her birth and stayed with Clare and Piers for a few hours afterwards and this time is now one of my most treasured memories. It was such an honour to be with them during such a special time. Also, I should mention that Piers had captured the labour and birth on film and so I did get to see it and because of that so will my clients too (a great confidence booster for them).

Now a few months on and Clare and Piers are planning little Madelaine's Baptism and I had the most wonderful surprise today when Clare came over for a visit as she has asked me to be Madelaine's G-d Mother (well I kind of gave that away with the heading didn't I).

I cannot tell you all how incredibly happy, excited, proud and honoured I feel to have been asked.

Of course I've said YES!!!!

The first meeting of the Hyp 'n Happening Group

2009-10-13T03:40:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was the first Hyp 'n Happening Mums and Mums-to-be Hypnobirthing group.

I was really excited all morning and very much looking forward to it. The night before I had got the room ready setting out all the chairs (with 12 mums and mums-to-be coming along I needed to be organised). On Evan's return from nursery though she had other ideas about the layout of the room and put all the chairs in a row. She then sat herself on one of them and started chanting"choo choo choo choo". She would not let me put them back so they stayed like that until my guests started to arrive.

In total we had 8 mums-to-be, 3 mums sharing their wonderful HypnoBirthing stories, 3 two year olds, including Evan and 2 babies. The lovely Johanna from Lollipop also came along to talk about the benefits of using cloth nappies (for mum, baby and the environment).

The first half an hour was spent with mums catching up with other mums they'd met on courses (or with friends they'd referred to me so knew beforehand) and making new friends. There was a lovely buzz to the air - just how I imagined it would be. The making of tea with one kettle wasn't too bad either and in fact 1 full kettle made 8 mugs worth (no wonder Jim used to get cross with me when I filled the kettle just for the two of us. I had no idea it was that big. I must have bought a tardis kettle). Getting my mums to bring their own mugs was a stroke of genius (even if I do say so myself). Not only did it mean I had enough mugs but it was easy to make sure everyone got the right cup of tea and a simple rinse at the end with mug handed back meant I didn't have a big pile of washing up after everyone had gone home.

Those mums who purchased a Hypno Mummy mug from the lovely www.ickelbabe.com were very happy and one mum asked if the artist was coming (I wish Helen could have been there). I hope more mums want to buy them in future, they really are gorgeous!

Once everyone had their mug of tea and a lovely treaty flapjack provided by one of my mums-to-be we listened to the amazing HypnoBirthing stories. A great selection from a baby born 10 minutes after arrival at hospital and mum saying she'd only experienced period like sensations to an amazing birth following induction (and a consultant constantly saying you are never going to be able to do this without an epidural - big two fingers up at her - oops sorry for my rudeness).

A few hints and tips were also shared - "practise, practise, practise", "listen to what Dany says when she says stay asleep if you can when labour starts", "a session with Dany just before the baby was due is great for staying focused" (one of the reasons I introduced the group to help mums keep their focus and maintain enthusiasm) and the one I really love "believe in yourself, trust your body, you can do it".

There was then an 'interesting', shall we say, attempt at some relaxing hypnosis. It certainly was an opportunity for mums-to-be to see how they could focus with a lot of noise going on around them. Three kids walking in and out of the garden, Evan coming in with her garden tools staring at all the women and wondering why they were not taking any notice of her (I so nearly laughed out loud at this point), the phone ringing (twice) and Evan insisting she wanted to watch Peppa Pig. What was good to see though that despite mums-to-be saying they could hear the distraction (and of course they could) but I asked them to set the intention for it to help them focus inwards and I could see from their responses that they were in deed in a state of trance. Something useful for them to realise as conditions will not always be 'perfect'. Although I did point out that they may want to purchase a Peppa Pig video for their labour as Evan had firmly planted a suggestion that they would want to watch it - tee hee.

Johanna then showed the mums the huge variety of cloth nappies that are available now and how easy they are to use, wash and get dried. I've already had one mum say that she is now a convert as she was nervous about them before.

Mums left saying how much they had enjoyed it and are looking forward to the next one. I had the best fun although was totally exhausted at the end of it and I can't wait for the next one on the 9th November.

And now it's time to sleeeeep!!!

2009-10-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

The following entry is by my new guest mummy blogger Clare who I hope we will be hearing more from. So without further ado I will leave you in her capable hands......

___________________________________________________

I'm crying with happiness (that makes a change huh?) 7 mins and my lil girl is sleeping beautiful on her own in her crib!!! Thank you xxx

After sleep problems with my first born I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again- 12 weeks and 3 days my little Madelaine is finally sleeping beautiful on her own in her crib for the first time and I am so happy I could do cartwheels! How did I do it- I listenend to my friend.

Madelaine had a beautiful and amazing hypno birth but after a few weeks she developed colic and was constantly crying feeding or in distress before I knew it she was sleeping constantly with me or on me- which I don't have a problem with but with a fun and active toddler in tow I found myself getting myself in a pickle. My toddler spending more and more time in front of the tv. I was getting to the point I couldn't get dressed, wash hair blah blah..

Talking to Dany I decided to take action and after listening to her advice- I decided to do the pick up put down routine and then after 20 mins I left Madelaine for 1 min went back picked her up when she was calm put her back in her cot left her for 2mins and so on- it took 7 mins and she was sleeping.

You think that being a mum 2nd time round will be easier and in some respects it is- I never would have done the above with Hannah and its a shame I didn't have the confidence to do it back then- I now know teaching your baby to sleep is just as important as teaching her to crawl, brush her teeth, hold a spoon...

My one piece of advice is to surround yourself with lovely positive mums - hopefully who have been there before you (6mths before ideally :)> Not all advice will be for you but its worth a listen and take what will work for you. Besides sometime it is just good to be with people who understand...

This is why I am so looking forward to Dany's Hyp n Happening group on Monday - I know that all us mums who have had fantastic births with pass on our lovely birthing stories and here's to making some great new friends and making a difference to our and our little ones lives :)

Clare - Hannah and Madeleine's Hypno Mummy

Hypnosis for Fertility - Session one

2009-10-07T03:25:00.000-07:00

So finally here I am writing the first entry for my series on what attending Hypnosis for Fertility sessions might involve for you. All treatment plans are devised based on the individual so your sessions may not follow exactly the same path but these posts will hopefully give you an idea of what to expect and clear up any myths or concerns you may have or heard regarding hypnosis.

Actually, although this is about session one there is some stuff that goes on prior to me ever meeting you and so I will mention this first. Normally there will have been a first phone call or at least an email. Someone will have read about HypnoFertility and probably have had a look at my website www.tums2mums.com and found out a bit more about me and the way that I work. The phone call / email enables them to ask any initial questions to make sure that they are comfortable with booking their first session. Once this has then been booked I send out an 'Intake' form for them to complete and return to me prior to attending. I also send them a stress buster and progressive relaxation mp3 to start listening to.

Session one itself is all about information giving on both sides. I spend time explaining how hypnosis supports fertility (both natural and assisted conception), how the mind works and its impact on the body both positive and negative and what being in the state of hypnosis feels like (not what you would expect from a stage hypnotic show - just a nice relaxed feeling mainly). We will review the information provided in the intake sheet and most importantly discuss your goal of therapy.

Now you might well say "but you know my goal - I want a baby". But goals need to be SMART (I'm drawing on my days as a trainer here). Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timebound. Now whilst I do spend time with you helping you to imagine what it will be like to be pregnant, holding your baby in your arms, feeling positive about you ability to have your baby. Because we actually have no control over timescales or achievability for this it is not a goal we can measure. What we will be aiming for is creating the best possible circumstances which themselves will support fertility.

This in turn means that the feedback I get from clients is that they feel more in control of their lives than they have for years. Friends and family are saying that they look more relaxed and happy. They are feeling less obsessed and more able to enjoy life. Things that had been bothering them for a long time now don't seem significant at all. And many other positive changes particular to them. These things in themselves help to return the body to a state of normalcy and give the best opportunity for having their desired baby.

There may or may not be time to actually carry out some hypnosis during session 1 but if there is it will be something gentle introducing them to how it feels and starting the process of restoring balance in their lives.

In part 2 of this series I will be taking you through the next steps as we move on to Session two.

Derma WaterWipes

2009-10-07T01:57:00.000-07:00

Well it has taken me about 2 months to get around to doing my first review (with this speed I'm sure companies will be beating down my door to get me to do more). In fact when I was originally asked I had no idea that 'bloggers' were asked to do such things and was unsure as to why someone wanted to send me a free pack of Baby Wipes.

The benefit of it taking me so long though is that I have had plenty of opportunity to test them out in different situations for a variety of uses.

Firstly, if I was a new mum again buying them would be a no brainer for me. From the moment the midwife, just after Evan's birth, said to me "don't worry about that blood stain" (she had just made on my brand new cream sofa) "baby wipes get everything out" I thought 'I'm not using them on my daughter's gorgeous new bottom'. And she was right. They got out the blood stain, ink stains, any number of food stains - off of furniture, walls, carpets, clothes, bodies. In fact any stain on any surface I've not yet found that a wet wipe won't cure. Why people spend loads of money on stain removers it is beyond me.

Anyway back to my point. I refused to use them on Evan's gorgeous little botty and so it was cotton wool and water for us. Easy in the house not so easy when you are out and about. The beauty also of course with a wipe made from 99.9% water as opposed to cotton wool is that you have a nice big piece of cloth to play with rather than a messy mass of cotton wool. I also like the fact that they don't feel slimy and greasy and they don't slip and slide as you are trying to clean a wriggly poopy bumbum.

My only complaint is that they are very, very difficult to get out. Although this does have a benefit as they are the only box of wipes that I do not find completely emptied and out all over the floor if I leave them in reach of a two year who just loves to have her hands clean. And on that note another plus for me as I also really like to keep my hands clean. Something my mum said I've always been like and regularly came up to her as a tiny tot pulling faces and showing her my sticky hands which were apparently not even that sticky. So it is great for me to have the WaterWipes in my bag to clean away any mess, any time, any where. Normal wipes or that bottled stuff don't do it for me as they still leave your hands feeling sticky or greasy.

So that's it my first review and it is a big thumbs up for Derma WaterWipes. Although don't despair makers of other babywipes I will still be buying them for the ever increasing stains that keep popping up in my house. On that note - Evaaaaaaaaaaaaaan you do not write on the kitchen cabinet.

A retrospective look at my birth plan

2009-10-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

Just as it was coming up to Evan's 2nd birthday and following many discussions with women about their birth plans it inspired me to seek out the birth plan I wrote for her birth. At the time I put a journal entry on Baby Centre bur recently thought it would be a good entry for my blog too. So here it is.

Because Evan was born only 1 hour 20 mins after the midwife arrived she didn't actually get to have a look at ,my birth plan but I thought it would be fun to review how close to my wishes she came (although the midwife didn't get to read it before the birth she was so excited after seeing Evan be born that she asked to take it away with her as a memento and I also gave her a copy of the HypnoBirthing book).

So this is what I wrote:

To the Midwife

There are a couple of things which you may not have come across before that are specific to HypnoBirthing so I have listed these under the labour and birthing sections. however, I’m hoping that as you are supporting me with a home birth you will already be in tune with the fact that we are looking for as natural a birth as we can and welcome your help and experience with this.

During first-stage labour

I am using HypnoBirthing and a Birth Pool during labour. As the language we hear impacts on how we feel I would like to ask that you refrain from references to “pain, hurt, etc.” and any offer of medication.

Midwife wasn't present during this stage (I was asleep mostly)

During birthing

To remain in the tub for waterbirthing if wish to do so.

I only got in for birthing. When the midwife first arrived she told Jim to stop filling the pool as it would be hours yet. Once she realised I was fully dilated Jim went off to fill the pool and he heard her saying "get another midwife here now she's about to have this baby and make sure she's experienced at water births". Although she hadn't ever experienced a water birth herself she wasn't phased at all that I was going to have Evan in the pool.

That natural expulsive pulsations of the body be allowed to facilitate the gentle descent of the baby, with mother-directed Birth Breathing to crowning. Jim will offer prompts. No coaching or instructions to push.

When the midwife realised I was fully dilated she said "you can start pushing with your contractions now". I said we don't push with HypnoBirthing and she said "you just do your hypno breathing". She then stayed quiet throughout.

Use of Hypno-Birthing breathing techniques – not other methods. I’ve left the HypnoBirthing book open on the page relating to this so that you can have a read.

Following birthing

Immediate skin-to-skin contact, with baby placed on Dany’s stomach or lower chest.

Midwife told me how I would be easily able to go from the kneeling position I was in to sitting back in the pool and she would lay Evan on my chest.

Cord to be clamped and cut only after pulsation has ceased. Yes

Jim to cut the cord after it stops pulsating.

Midwife was so excited she forgot and did it herself. We didn't mind because she had been such a wonderful part of our birth experience.

A wait for natural placenta delivery.

My midwife was very pro natural placenta delivery and she was the one who said to me your placenta is very ready to come out. And it did so very easily.

Baby brought to breast to assist placenta birth. See above.

No assisted removal of placenta unless necessary. See above.

For Baby

Allow vernix to be absorbed into baby’s skin; delay “cleaning or rubbing.”

Evan was placed straight on me and then when we were ready to get out just wrapped in a towel and handed to Jim (who she promptly did her first poo on).

All in all a wonderful birthing day for all!

Gift for Life - UNICEF and Pampers

2009-10-06T13:34:00.000-07:00

Andrea (The Accidental Businessmum) sent me this very special Gift of Life meme.

We are so lucky here in the UK as we have a fantastic vaccination programme which starts when babies are 8 weeks old (I know some of you will have your own views about this but we are lucky to have a choice). Diseases that were once life threatening are no longer a concern for us, but the peace of mind this gives is not so easily available to a mother bringing up her children in the developing world.

Pampers and UNICEF have joined forces for the fourth year running with their ‘Give the Gift of Life ‘ campaign aiming to help eliminate maternal and newborn tetanus by 2012. A diseases that has been curable for over 70 years and yet killing 128,000 mothers and babies each year in less industrialised nations.

To help launch the campaign, Grammy award-winning world music artist and mother of one, Angelique Kidjo has released a song called 'You Can Count On Me' which is available as a free download. Each time it is downloaded Pampers will donate more funds for vaccines. This means that anyone can help raise funds without spending anything themselves but their time.

Pampers also supports UNICEF’s programme by donating the cost of 1 vaccine for every one pack of their nappies sold. To date they have donated the funding for 200 million tetanus vaccines. You can read more about this on the UNICEF website.

If your children are no longer in nappies, you use cloth nappies or simply prefer a different brand you can still support UNICEF directly by clicking here.

Andrea asked me to keep the meme going and pass it on to other bloggers.

All you have to do is:

1 Open the virtual Gift For Life by going here
2 Write a small post on the campaign
3 Pass on to at least 5 other bloggers
4 Add the campaign badge to your sidebar
5 Feel incredibly proud that you are helping to make a difference!

So I’m passing this onto you:

Cariad Hypnotherapy

HypnoBirthing Gwent

Sleep is for the Weak

OMG We're Pregnant

Emma's Books

Perfectly Happy Mum

My very own Hypno Mummy mugs

2009-10-04T21:55:00.001-07:00

I am very pleased to announce that the wonderful Helen of www.icklebabe.com has designed especially for Tums 2 Mums some gorgeous Hypno Mummy mugs.

I left the design completely up to her so it was a lovely surprise to find that she had chosen to take inspiration from my website. I think you will agree with me they are fab!

Helen has also designed a Hypno Daddy mug but I haven't seen that yet - can't wait!

Hyp 'n Happening Group

2009-09-27T23:04:00.001-07:00

I am very excited for two reasons:

Firstly, the first of my Hyp 'n Happening groups is taking place on Monday, 12th October at 2pm and I've had lots of Mums and Mums-to-be saying that they are looking forward to coming.

I have decided to set up this group for my HypnoBirthing Mums and Mums-to-be as I'd had a couple of requests asking if I knew of anywhere that Mums could meet up with other HypnoBirthing mums. I didn’t so I thought it was about time I got my own up and running.

It will be held on the second Monday of each month from 2pm to 3:30pm and besides having a cuppa and a chat there will be a bit of relaxation hypno at the beginning and then an opportunity to discuss any questions mums-to-be might have about their practise. Those Mums who have already had their babies will then hopefully share their experience and any hints and tips they might have not only about the birth but also about being new mums too. It is a new group and I'm looking forward to my 'Mums' also suggesting what they might like to use it for. There will also be some guests coming along to tell us about how they can support Mums and Mums to be and I am pleased to say that I have Chantal Fabrice coming to talk to us about 'Sound Birthing' at the group in November (Monday, 9th November).

The second reason I am so excited is that the wonderful Julie at My Life Expressed has once again surpassed my expectations with this beautiful header for my communications about the group.

I will no doubt be blogging after the first group to let you all know how it went.

Slanket reward for my months of sleep deprivation please

2009-09-25T13:58:00.000-07:00

Just today I learnt of the fabulous Slanket (I want one) and then thanks to the wonderful @porridgebrain aka http://sleepisfortheweak.org.uk I found out that I could win one (fingers and toes currently crossed). All I have to do is share a sleep deprivation story and boy have I got LOADS. Which one to choose, which one will win me the wonderful Slanket. There was also mention of sharing how I survived so maybe that's the useful story I should share as I am indeed on the best side of this story now.

Evan now happily watches her two episodes of Peppa Pig, cheerfully calls out "come on Daddy time for sleep" as we all go into her room and sing a couple of lullabies, she turns off her own light and shuts the door. We all kiss and then I place Evan in her cot, not yet braved the idea of transferring her to a bed cos as I learnt from my sleep coach (yes, yes I will be telling you about this wonderful person soon) I don't go rushing in as soon as she wakes up in the morning. Without the cot rails though I am afraid that she will come rushing in to me. Where was I? Oh yes, so I place Evan into her cot and she calls for her sleep buddies, pink bear (the original sleep buddy), angel bear who joined a few months later, Di Li - a few weeks ago and Jo Jingles - 3 days ago. Once she has declared "I've got everyone, good night mummy, good night daddy, sweet dreams, love you" she's happy. Sometimes falling asleep straight away and sometimes singing a few more lullabies to her pals to make sure they get a good night sleep.

In bed by 7 pm normally waking between 6:30 am and 7:30 am Jim and I downstairs relaxing with a nice glass of something.

But you can tell from the title of this post that life hasn't always been like this - ohhhhhhhhh no!.

For the first 5 weeks Evan wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me. I think she had such a great birth that she really hadn't noticed we were separate. But I actually got loads of sleep during this time. Not necessarily the most comfortable, lying on my back and stiff as a board (it is true what they say - you DON'T move if you've fallen asleep with your baby on you) but nonetheless sleep.

From 5 weeks to 5 months she slept 11 pm to 5 am in her cot - yippee! I used to boast very loudly. Although she made me pay during the day because she would NEVER let me put her down. One day my friend had been walking around with her and noticed she'd fallen asleep. As she went to put her in the Moses Basket she started crying. At this stage she was only hovering Evan over the top - nowhere near to being in the basket so she stepped away still holding Evan who promptly stopped crying. She then experimented and held Evan with outstretched arms in mid air - no crying. Over the Moses Basket - WAH! She did this a couple of times and same result. I knew then I was going to have trouble on my hands with this one but she was still sleeping at night so I thought I could deal with my willful bundle when I needed to.

Well a trip to Wales at 5 months put an end to my peaceful nights. She slept through the first night but on the second woke every hour and would only sleep on me (a lot heavier by now). On returning home this became the norm. Our normal bedtime routine was bath, baby massage, book, booby, bed by 7 pm (she'd always fallen asleep on my boob so had never gone down awake in her cot). Every night we'd have hope (ever the optimist me) and we'd sneak next door to our own bedroom. No more going downstairs we decided very quickly if Evan was asleep then the best thing we could do was be in our own bed too. We'd watch a bit of TV but then as the clock ticked round to 7:55 pm our breathing would change, we'd agitatedly keep checking the time, second by second by second "would this be the night - would she go back to sleeping through". Occasionally the hands of the clock would move round to 8:06 / 8:07 and we'd be almost holding our breath "she's gone 7 mins longer than normal" we'd whisper to each other. But sooner rather than later we would hear the familiar WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only a mother knows how that just gets you. Dads don't seem to FEEL it the same.

I would go in settle her back to sleep and creep out of her room and the next hour would be a repeat of the last. 9 pm would arrive and WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd go in and settle her and by the time I got back in Jim, who had to get up at 5 am he would be putting in his ear plugs, wishing me good luck , turning over and going to sleep.

10 pm WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11 pm WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12 midnight WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 am WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 am WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and this is when the fun really began

2:10 am WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:20 am WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:40 am WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mummy gives up and brings Evan into bed where she stays helping herself to my boob as and when she felt like it for the rest of the night. And this was my life from October 2007 to March 2008. At one point I thought I had a friend I could share my lack of sleep with. It's nice to feel someone else is suffering with you isn't it? For a number of weeks we shared our woes about our sleepless bundles of joy until one day I realised that un-named (you know who you are) friend's baby was only waking every 3 hours. Now I'm not dismissing her pain but I think you will agree mine was WORSE.

Now I turned 40 in March 2008 and I'm very proud of the fact that no-one ever realises that I am this old so I didn't want a lack of sleep to make my years suddenly all catch up on me. It had taken me 5 months but I finally realised (lets blame the sleep deprivation) that I needed to take action. Although I think one of the reasons I didn't take action prior to this is because although I was incredibly tired, and when I look back on this time things were a bit of a blur, I don't seem to suffer the effects of sleep deprivation in quite the same way as other mums do. I do hope I don't lose your sympathy at this point but what I have to share maybe useful.

I've always been a good napper and so I think during the part of the night that she was waking every hour I somehow got into a rhythm of matching my sleep to hers. It was only when she would wake every 10 mins that didn't work.
As I was then bringing her in with me I was getting another couple of hours sleep although because my body was fixed around hers and she would enjoy my boobs all night I would wake up stiff as a board.
Luckily too as a Hypnotherapist I am very used to using self hypnosis to snatch short sharp bursts of relaxation and energy which helped me get through the day.
Never worrying about the chores during the day, putting my feet up and watching tv as Evan had booby and falling asleep with her in my arms whenever I could most certainly helped.
Also, and this is probably one of the most important bits a 'positive mental attitude' really helped. Acknowledging that I knew my life would change when I had her, focussing on the wonder of my gorgeous girl, realising it wouldn't last forever and staying as relaxed as I could to keep my lovely endorphins flowing.

Yes, yes, yes but HOW did you get her to start sleeping. The simple answers is that I found the most wonderful www.babysleepanswers.co.uk. I tell anyone who is having trouble with their baby's sleeping to get straight on to their website and to not mess about but go straight for the private consultation. This is what I did, although I was lucky at the time as it only cost £25 for 10 days. Now it is £50 for 7 days but to be honest I still think that is cheap. Other companies charge £100s for a phone call and a so called personalised training schedule for your little one. Baby Sleep Answers (I promise I am not on commission) give you ongoing online support which enables them to work with you throughout your child's sleep training. They helped me take back control. It wasn't always easy (I was a mum who said that she would never leave her baby to cry) but I learnt that sooner or later you have to let them cry a little bit (little bit making it very different to the old fashioned shut the door and let them cry until they became so exhausted they had to sleep). Within a couple of weeks Evan was sleeping through and well you know the rest of the story (see top of page in case you've forgotten as it has been such a long post).

Something I wish I'd had and is worth a mention here I think is the wonderful EasiDream - check out this entry on my blog written by Lynda from EasiDream herself.

Whilst this blog entry is only being written because I really want to win the Slanket I hope my story helps other mums (and dads) see that you will get through and if you are not getting there yourself to seek out HELP.

Here's to happy sleeping babies.

Helping people understand more about the benefits of HypnoFertility

2009-09-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening I was flicking through my blog. Do you flick when they are pages on a computer screen? Any way I was reviewing things that I had written and I realised that I hadn't really written anything that was specifically about HypnoFertility which is a shame because it is something that is really worth shouting about.

I have decided then to run a little series of entries specifically devoted to the benefits of using hypnosis to support conception, be that through natural or assisted means. On as regular basis as my busy life will allow I am going to take you through the types of treatment that I use for my clients many of whom who have gone on to have their beautiful babies.

If whilst reading these entries you have any questions something you'd like to know please leave a comment and I will use further blog entries to answer your questions.

That's it for this entry though - just a precursor to whet your appetite. Keep checking in as they will be well worth the read and if you have any friends who are facing fertility issues please send them a link to my blog.

Why do a hypnotic fear and emotion release session as part of your preparation for birth?

2009-09-21T14:47:00.001-07:00

Quite simply because if we don't remove the fears around birthing trying to create a positive expectancy of birth will be like building a house on dodgy foundations. Any positivity will be in constant conflict with the negativity that is stored within the subconscious mind.

The impact of that negativity when you are in labour and giving birth to your baby is that it can actually change how the muscles in your uterus are designed to work. Instead of the muscles that need to dilate being relaxed they instead constrict and tighten and it is this that causes the great discomfort that we hear about during labour. A Fear and Emotion Release hypnotic session will enable you to release any emotional issues, fears and concerns that you have, clearing your mind of all potential negativity, in order to enable you to focus on your labour and birth in a positive confident way.

However, the hypnosis session is only a part of the process of dealing with any fear or negative emotions. You will want to identify any feelings, experiences or recollections that may be painful or hurtful.

Some of them can be resolved through discussion with your partner or others explaining how you feel and clarifying things between you. There maybe some practical things that you need to resolve for example making sure everything is ready in the house for the baby's arrival or your husband ensuring that he is not away on business around your due date. And there maybe some emotional baggage left behind from a horror story you've heard or the impact of your childhood or just a nagging doubt about your abilities.

The following is a list of some of the areas of concern that you may want to consider but you may also have other issues that you would like to resolve.

Birth Stories (your own and others)

Your own family's birth stories. Did you grow up hearing positive and encouraging words about labour and birth from your mother, grandmother, aunties or were they negative and frightening. Have those stories followed a negative pattern "we always have long labours in our family", "births never go smoothly for us". Remember there is no reason to believe that you will have a similar experience.

Others' birth stories. As friends, peers, family members have had their babies have they shared joyful messages of birth or horror stories. Again remember that these are THEIR experiences. Maybe they didn't have the advantage of learning HypnoBirthing, perhaps their were complications, whatever the reason it does not mean your labour and birth should be the same way. Although beware! Because your subconscious doesn't know the difference between real or imagined events it can indeed take on others horror stories as its own experience. Don't let others share their horror stories with you. If you have been affected by a horror story the Hypnosis Fear Release session will help you change the way you feel about it and using the Cancel Technique will enable you to keep any negative thoughts in check.

Previous labours. If you have already had a difficult labour recognise why. Were there special circumstances? Did something/someone have a hugely negative impact on you whilst in labour? Were you in an environment that you found scary and imposing? Remember that for this labour you can be better prepared. And that the Fear and Emotion Release hypnotic session will help remove the negative emotional attachment you may have to previous birth(s).

Coping as a new mum

Becoming a mum. What are your feelings regarding your new role. Did you have positive parenting role models that have left you feeling confident about how you will be as a mum or do you feel overwhelmed? If you did not grow up with a good role model turn this into a positive - you have after all learnt how not to be a parent.

Support. Do you feel secure with the support your partner and/or family will provide? Make sure others know if you welcome their support and how they can help. If there isn't that support from close family look at what strengths you must build to effectively provide your own best support.

Your relationship with your partner. Do you feel secure in your relationship. Have you discussed the type of parents you each want to be and how you want to bring up your child? Are you on the same page?

Impact on your career. Do you have any concerns about the impact having a baby will have on your career? Any conflicts with needing to work and wanting to stay at home with your baby. Sorting through these types of questions can help you reconcile with what you really feel you want to do.

No matter what your list reveals look at how you can resolve any of the practical issues on a conscious level. Any emotional issues, fears or concerns can be dealt with using a specialised hypnosis session. For those of you attending HypnoBirthing or Hypnosis for Childbirth sessions this will be part of your course. For others you can achive this my purchasing my powerful Fear and Emotion Release Hypnotic Session (downloadable mp3).

"Release the fear and open your mind to a more comfortable way of birthing".

Peppa Pig and good family dynamics

2009-09-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

My daughter Evan loves Peppa Pig! From the moment her Uncle Rob (who looks considerably like Daddy Pig - sorry Rob but you know it's true), Aunty Hayley and her Cousin Tom gave her Peppa and George along with the Christmas DVD she has been hooked. When friends gave her the Birthday DVD for her birthday 6 months later her love hadn't waned. Although I should add at this point that she calls them George and Grace (the names of her cousins) and sings "George and Grace" along with the theme music. My sister will be pleased to know that she doesn't called Mummy Pig Aunty Harriet.

Now I'm pleased that this appears to be an everlasting love for a number of reasons. It is only 10 minutes long which is great when she shouts "just one more" cos well 10 minutes is ok for an extra little treat. Both my husband and I don't mind watching it as there is bizarrely a level at which we too can find it amusing (I'm not sure if I should confess to wanting to know how an episode ended when Evan appeared to have been distracted elsewhere and he'll hate me for saying it but Jim confessed the same). But mainly I love it because of the wonderful way the family interact with each other.

Every family can learn some great things by watching their behaviour and how they communicate with each other. Here are just a few:

When one of them has done something silly and others are laughing at them, like most of us, their first instinct is to get defensive. But as soon as someone says "well it is a bit funny" they agree and start laughing along with everyone else.
Mummy and Daddy Pig aren't perfect. Wow! As parents we don't have to be?
We see scenes of Peppa and George asking for extra play time, or just one book, etc and there is a great balance between Mummy and Daddy Pig letting them have their way and then standing firm when "no means no". Ok it would be interesting to see how they cope with Peppa having a tantrum but remember this is for our toddlers and we don't need them learning any new tricks.
Peppa sometimes forgets that George is younger than her and gets frustrated with him but Mummy and Daddy Pig explain and we see how she learns. Although I do love the episode where she inadvertently makes George miss out on seeing the cuckoo come out of the clock and then taunts him with how wonderful it is to see - tee hee - I'm wicked!
Silly old Grandpa Pig gives us a smile and Grandma Pig knows just how to keep him in line. Like any good woman does with her husband.
But my favourite thing of all is that EVERY single episode ends with the whole family lying on their backs laughing. During laughter the stress hormone cortisol is reduced and conversely the happiness hormone oxytocin level is enhanced. What better way for a family to end its day full of happiness. A lesson to us all.

Get laughing with your families guys. To the music of 'wave your arms in the air' - sing along with me now "shake your legs in the air, shake em like you just don't care" :-D

De de de de de de de de de de de Peeeeppppa Pig Oink Oink

Lynda from easidream® giving great advice on getting your baby to sleep

2009-09-05T10:07:00.000-07:00

Newborn sleep…. Will we ever sleep again?!!!!!

At first your new little one will probably do nothing but sleep, waking for only short periods of time, up to two hours max and sleeping for longer periods of 3 – 4 hours. It is essential that your newborn does NOT sleep through the entire night while they are just as few weeks old, as they need frequent feeding to grow and thrive.

That being said, there is a wealth of advice out there explaining all sorts of different methods that can help you to get your newborn to sleep at night.

As sleep is so very dear to our hearts I just wanted to share with you all my newborn sleep tips.… I do hope they result in happy sleeping babies with equally happy well rested parents. Of course, it goes without saying that using an easidream® will guarantee a peaceful and safe sleep for your precious little one!

Tip 1. Create the mood!

A great way, nearly always guaranteed to help ‘bring on’ those sleepy feelings is to give your little one a lovely warm bath, preferably with suitable baby night time aroma bubble bath! Follow this with a clean nappy, and then a little baby massage. Any gentle caressing of the baby’s arms, legs, body and forehead will really help bring on those sleepy feelings… but hey DON’T OVER DO IT…. You need to make sure you slip in the next tip first.

Tip 2. Full Tummy

Always make sure that your baby has a really satisfying feed at both the early evening and late night feeding times. Whether this is breast or bottle, it is essential that you really try to make sure that they take a full feed before they drop off to sleep. Of course, it is a ‘must’ that your baby is fully winded, so as to avoid griping tummy pains, which are certain to cause discomfort and a restless baby. A full feed almost always guarantees a longer, more settled sleep.

Tip 3 Make night feeds dull!!!

Always make night feeds subdued, with as little interaction as possible. Keep the room dimly lit and disturb your baby as little as possible. Don’t even change their nappy unless it’s a dirty one (No 2) or you really think it’s necessary. Just feed your baby, wind her and then place her back in her moses basket/cot with her comforter.

Tip 4 Swaddling + Dummy/Pacifier

A great way to help newborns feel safe and secure is to swaddle them tightly. This offers them reassurance by reminding them of life in the womb and also helps with limiting waking caused by the startle reflex (Moro reflex - when a baby suddenly startles with their limbs outstretched). Swaddling is a fantastic technique to use for around the first 3-4 months or so.

A dummy is also great way to help babies to settle. Dummies satisfy a baby’s natural sucking instinct and a lot of babies find them really soothing, as the sucking gives them a feeling of security. Dummies have also been proven to reduce the risk of a sudden infant death incident occurring.

Tip 5 Give a little love!

Who can resist that night time cuddle with their newborn and normally it only takes a short while before your little one has peacefully and contentedly drifted off to the land of nod! If you prefer to put your baby down while drowsy but still awake, a great way to help them still feel secure is to give them a comforter that you have had next to your body (tucked down your top for around one hour) so they can still smell ‘mum’ on it.

Now this is where easidream® can become a godsend for those of you who’s LO doesn’t seem to settle quite according to plan!!!

You know the sort of thing... LO falls asleep peacefully in your arms, you then gently place her in the cot, with the same degree of skill as a brain surgeon carrying out a precision manoeuvre and low and behold within 5 seconds she starts screaming the house down! You then resort to pacing up and down, doing the mummy sway (or partner does it looking a wee bit feminine!!!) making all sorts of ‘quiet’ lullaby type noises and slowly but surely you gradually morph from human form into zombie mode, whilst your LO remains wide awake!!

That being said this is a really serious subject, one that is very dear to my heart and it’s the entire reason why I went on to invent easidream®. For those of you not familiar with my family, I have 6 children and my youngest, Bradley, struggled to settle down to sleep (both day and night) for around 2 and a half years. After trying a whole host of techniques to settle him, I found that the most reliable way to encourage him to stay asleep was to lean over the sides of the cot and create a gentle rocking motion, by moving the mattress up and down… inspired by Bradley… easidream® was born!!

easidream®’s multisensory approach cleverly mimics the soothing nurturing environment of the womb by providing a calming rocking motion with gentle light and sound. It also replicates parents rocking their baby in their arms, close to their chest and in time with their resting heartbeat. Parents intuitively make that familiar ‘shushing’ sound, and easidream recreates this with its soothing sounds.

What’s great about easidream® is that it carry’s on providing those gentle movement and sounds that your baby loves AFTER you lay her in her moses basket or cot. If you’d like to find out more information on how easidream® can:

help establish a healthy sleep pattern for all the family
encourage your baby to settle to sleep on their back
reducing crying time from an average of 18 minutes to less than 1 minute
help with bouts of colic

then please visit www.easidream.com.

Sweet dreams everyone

Lynda

Hypnomummies (decaf for some) coffee mornings

2009-08-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

I am feeling very excited as I write this because it is yet another example, well for me anyway, that the Law of Attraction is so very powerful.

A couple of days ago I had a little idea, just a fleeting thought at the time, "I wonder if my hypnomummies would be interested in an opportunity to get together, with other like-minded mums, outside of attending their HypnoBirthing courses?". Unfortunately, many find that those around them sometimes even close friends and family, are very dismissive of their chosen approach to childbirth. Some just laugh at them and sadly some sabotage although maybe don't realise the harm in their words when suggesting that a mums is fooling herself. This can become difficult for some women who are doing their best to let go of their fears having learnt that it is this very fear that can cause the pain so many others experience during childbirth.

The thought came back into my head a bit later and as what usually happens when ideas start to form I began imagining what it would be like and in my head I saw:

My 'mums' who had already had their babies coming along to share their wonderful HypnoBirthing stories.

Pregnant mums having attended the course keen to hold on to the wonderful feelings they had during that time.

Women interested in finding out more.

Those who weren't able to attend a course but had learnt the techniques from a book and would enjoy the opportunity to meet others and ask questions.

I could show some video clips of women using Hypnosis for Childbirth, maybe do a little relaxing hypno but mainly it would be women doing what women do best and that's having a good old chin wag.

Now a particular 'Rule of the Mind' teaches us that thought precedes reality ie whatever a person focuses upon, whether it be of an internal or external origin, becomes manifested. Those mental images become imprinted, and the subconscious simply plays out the plan.

Even I was shocked to see this time how quickly this was proven true.

At the end of my HypnoBirthing course on Saturday one of the mums said "do you know where I could go to meet other hypnomums?" I almost fell off of my chair. I mentioned my idea of a weekly coffee morning and she got very excited and said she'd definitely be interested as did the other mums. Then on today's (Sunday's) HypnoBirthing course another mum said how nice it would be to get together on a regular basis with other women who had the same passion about wanting a great birth as her. So once again I mentioned my coffee morning and she said she's definitely be there. Another mum said she'd even consider taken time off work until her maternity leave so that she could attend and continue reinforcing how positive she was feeling about her baby's birth.

As this was all so positive I checked in with a couple of mums who have already had their lovely HypnoBirths and they too said they would enjoy getting together.

Wow! It looks like they are happening then. A plan of action is needed. Watch this blog for an announcement of the first Hypnomummies (decaf for some) coffee mornings.

Girls when I say daydream about your beautiful, calm, comfortable births you can see why. The subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between real and imagined events so if you spend time focusing on something it really does just seem to get on with it.

Mindful Parenting - Jon Kabat-Zinn's

2009-08-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

I was just going through the Spring newsletter from the HypnoBirthing Organisation (I know a bit late - no time for reading, busy, busy, busy) and came across an article which listed the following twelve exercises for 'Mindful Parenting'. I wondered just before I began reading it whether it was going to be my thing or a bit 'right on' as one of my friends would say or 'airy fairy, tree hugger nonsense' would be a description another friend might use. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that on the whole it is good sensible down to earth advice. So much so that I've decide to share it with my readers with some extra little thoughts from me - of course!

Twelve Exercises for Mindful Parenting - Jon Kabat-Zinn's

1. Try to imagine the world from your child's point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.

Evan's eyes - a fabulous magical place full of wonderful objects to climb and jump on. Oh and bump into and fall off of - wah! Where's my mummy? "Cuddle mummy, cuddle mummy" - ah! happy again just as long as mummy is ALWAYS there. Sometimes mummy can't be there that makes me sad but I'm okay as long as I'm with someone I know. Yay! mummy is back - she went FOREVER.

2. Imagine how you appear and sound from your child's point of view; imagine having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?

Evan's eyes - Most days mummy is an angel. Some days mummy's grumpy. I don't like those days I'm glad they don't happen very often.

3. Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. Work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.

Evan's eyes - I'm perfect just the way I am. Mummy doesn't like it when I push or scratch though but at least it takes her attention away from her laptop.

4. Be mindful of your expectations of your children, and consider whether they are truly in your children's best interests. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.

Evan is so going to be a great musician just like her daddy. Although I don't mind as long as she achieves greatness in something. Are my expectations too high? Okay, okay as long as she gives things a go and does her best I'm happy. Her happiness means the world to me. She does love her music though and she's just reinforced my expectations that she will want to be an entertainer as she has performed the alphabet song perfectly and is demanding applause. "Clap mummy clap".

5. Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn't some common ground where your needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.

Evan's eyes - why does mummy look so exhausted today. She's been muttering on about something to do with balance.

6. When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still. Meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what really needs to be done.

Okay so this could sound a bit 'airy fairy' but actually it makes sense. Running around like a headless chicken helps no-one. By taking some time to take in some relaxing breaths and putting things into perspective you really do have a clearer head. I know, I'm having to put this into practise quite a lot at the moment.

7. Try embodying silent presence. Listen carefully.

We all have our own agenda and it can cause us to jump to conclusions or to not notice someone else's pain. The BT ad that tells us it's 'good to talk' should also point out that it is 'good to listen'.

8. Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. See what is "workable" if you are willing to trust your intuition and best instincts.

Okay then in my words - relax, go with the flow, trust your gut instinct - if it feels right it is right.

9. Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing, and they demonstrate that you see a situation more clearly, or more from your child's point of view. But "I'm sorry" loses its meaning if we are always saying it, or if we make regret a habit.

This is actually one of the exercises that speaks the loudest to me about 'Mindful Parenting'. I remember reading once that when we get angry at our children it often isn't really about them but more our own frustrations. What are we not able to get on with, can't have that lie in, veg out on the sofa, read that book, etc. because they are demanding something else. Today was a good example. Evan woke a half an hour early from her nap taking away my precious time that I catch up on work. My heart sank as I heard her cry out and then I thought to myself, as I so often do, "it's not like I didn't think she was going to change my life" so I went upstairs with a good heart and was rewarded with the most beautiful smile.

10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.

Evan is the most demanding, full on, in your face little monkey but I wouldn't have her any other way. She is brimming with confidence that comes out in over-exuberance in some good and some not so good ways but I'd rather that than the timid, shy little girl that I was.

11. There are very important times when we need to practice being clear and strong and unequivocal with our children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness and generosity and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid and controlling.

I'm learning, there is so much to learn and no time to read the bloody rule books. Best thing I've found is to listen to what other mums are doing and use the bits I like. It is interesting though that when I'm coming from a place of strength for example because I need her to be safe, have manners over dinner, get ready for bed, behave appropriately, etc. she listens. If there is another agenda of mine going on I must betray myself in my tone of voice because she doesn't take a bit of notice.

12. The greatest gift you can give your child is yourself. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and in awareness. We have to be grounded in the present moment to share what is deepest and best in ourselves.

With this one I have to say I stopped reading at the first full stop (I don't mean after the number 12) because this is what actually makes me want to be a Mindful Parent. The joy in Evan's eyes when I sit and read, draw, paint, pretend to be a tiger, just lie back on the floor or hide with her is magnificent. When she comes up to me and shuts my laptop lid because it has encroached on her time just a little bit to much I think "good for you!" (well sort of) if I've been on it long enough for that to have happened mummy needs to be told.

'Long Overdue'

2009-07-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

This entry on my blog hasn't actually been written by me. It has been taken (with permission from its writer) from an entry on the HypnoBirth Mums and Mums to be board of Baby Centre. The entry was written by a wonderful, inspirational woman who I wouldn't be surprised on a subconscious level has gone 'overdue' to stick two fingers up at the system and tell them that the only thing that is 'long overdue' is their policies surrounding induction. Her 'fight', and sadly this is how it can feel for women avoiding intervention, is also giving huge amounts of confidence to other women who are trying to avoid unnecessary induction just because they have gone passed their 'due (guess) dates' - despite monitoring showing that both mum and baby are fine.

In the words of Angels_Ackiz:

"Ok here goes, its a long one!

Williesmammy (ALi) posted on here for me what seems like weeks ago saying that something may be starting up labour wise. Thank you for all your brilliant posts by the way, so touching and encouraging!

It seems I have a stop start kind of body..... My last birth was an induction in hospital so this time around determined to go for it naturally, I have nothing really to go on as to how my body works under normal conditions.

Now I always imagined that I would have a show and things would happen slowly. That is exactly what I've been getting!

I have had about 4-5 little shows over the last few days, surges stopping and starting and finally my hind waters went at 12:30am last night.

Emotionally it has been the most testing time of my life. I have been a good girl and been into hospital for monitoring and tests to tick all the boxes that both I and my precious baby are well only to be told that the midwives (who actually chose their words carefully) said they strongly advise against homebirth after 42 weeks but would attend me if I still so wished. Even dressed up in nicer words has a devastating effect on one's confidence.

When I asked why since I am still healthy and strong (as per hospital check boxes) they throw at you:

The placenta is healthy now but could die under the stress of contractions during labour. Shoulder could get stuck as apparently I have a 10lb baby showing up on scan (don't believe it, and anyway even if she is 10lb+, I have good sized child bearing hips I think!) and also the classic meconium in waters. Oh and a new one I've heard is that if anything went wrong at a homebirth which they had advised against - the midwives concerned could face a conviction so they have to protect theor own backs and be seen to have clearly told me they have strongly advised against homebirth. Nice - do I give a crap? No.

In that siuation girls I would advise this: Tell them you know the risks, thank them for reminding you, smile sweetly and tell them either you'll take it day by day, or just be straight and say unless they can provide you with real hard evidence any of these things are a risk to you right now, you'll carry on being monitored and if all is well, proceed with homebirth plans as noted on the birth plan. Don't get upset, don't second guess yourself. If you genuinely feel like there is a risk - do something about it. But after carefully considering the facts, all the midwives advice just really amounts to slim 'what ifs' and own hide covering. My baby moves and grooves all the time and I really have no concerns at this time.

I truly think that my body is getting there slowly but surely. My cervix has a great Bishops score of 7/10 as of Thursday, cervix is central and soft 1-2cm dilated. WHy they want to induce me is beyond me really. However I should point out that because I am so favourable, an induction at this stage would consist of merely breaking the waters. But get this - when I asked 'what then?' she said 'if nothing happens within TWO hours, we would start you on the drip'. (WTF!!??) Two hours? NICE guidelines clearly states up to 96 hours! Talk about becoming a battery hen! I can just imagine how a two hour deadline would affect my adrenaline levels?!!

Now, my mental state has been a wee bit of a rollercoaster. Once I got past 40+14, my mood actually improved! I'd passed the deadline as it were which actually felt like a weight off my shoulders. UNTIL of course the charming visit from the 2 midwives yesterday (the ones who are on call all week now.... a pleasent thought they could be attending me? No not really)

Yesterday was a huge challenge. I was tired, grumpy and confused. Got some biiiiiig reassurances from Dany, Ali, my friends on FB and read again the lovely posts from you girls. Had a very big bawl in my filled up birth pool last night and got on with the business of a fear release session, clary sage sniffing and some fab bonding time with my man who sat in the pool with me. We practised some birthing positions, he massaged some pressure points on my ankles and was great. It was a welcome break and helped me to once again focus on and visualise giving birth in the pool we have set up, holding our baby and completing this journey we started out toegther coming up to ten months ago (crikey!) in a calm, controlled and beautiful way we have always planned.

For that I was rewarded with my hind waters breaking and a few surges (mild but then I am a HypnoBirthing girl so they would be!)

This morning I am soooo tired but happy and confident once again. Girls, you have to trust your body, your baby and release the fear you have about birthing and your ablility to do it and above all be patient. Laughter and love made this baby and it will be that which will bring her out into the world, I just know it.

Thanks for reading! I did say it was a long one!

42+4 and counting. :o)

Angela - Hypnobirth water baby coming this July!"

Feeling Proud

2009-07-26T04:49:00.000-07:00

I love the work I do and I really take care to research every single element of it. This extends to the writing of my mp3s and so I was very chuffed to read a comment on Baby Centre that was written recently:

"I had a fantastic birth and cannot recommend Dany's MP3's highly enough.

Here's a link to her shop http://www.tums2mums.com/index_files/HypnotherapyProducts.htm

I think her natural calm MP3 is so beautiful as I know she researched colours and linked them to their meanings in a very clever way- sorry if I haven't explained that very well but it really is fab...."

I am editing this post to add another lovely comment following posting on Facebook about feeling proud :-)

"absolutely - they are awesome, the fear release one has been getting alot of air play recently!"

OMG I'm a mum

2009-07-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know that Evan is just over 2 years old don't worry I haven't only just realised that I'm a mum.

I've decided to write this now because just lately I've been reading quite a lot of articles and blogs about how difficult it is during those first few weeks when you become a new mum. Yet I often look back and realise just how cushy it is when you have a new born compared to the chaos of looking after a toddler.

It always seems to be around this time of year that I wistfully look back and long for those wonderful days when I could just sit with my feet up watching TV or sleeping as Evan was either breastfeeding or asleep on me (well when I say always this has only been the second time as Evan is only 2). You could say it is because of Evan's birthday that I choose this time to reflect back but I'm sure it's actually to do with 'Big Brother' as it started as she was born and I got to watch the whole series for the first time since series 1. It was a good one too, not that I remember any names. For anyone who has a good knowledge of Big Brother it was the one with the really nice twins. The closest I get to Big Brother these days is to read Davina's comments on Twitter and really wish I had the time or energy to find out what she's talking about.

So why did I find it so easy? Was it because Evan was a model sleeper from the day she was born? Or that she fed at easy to manage intervals during the day? Or because I had Mary Poppins (or some other wonderful helper) looking after her whilst I bathed, brushed my teeth, washed and dried my hair and applied my make up all in my own relaxing time. NO!!!

In fact none of the above. I always joke that Evan had such an easy birth she had no idea that anything much had changed and she certainly made up her mind that nothing would. She slept on me for the first 6 weeks of her life. I used to put a shawl that my mum had knitted around me, across Evan and then tucked in on my other side so I knew she was safe. She would not let me put her down for a second even when she was fast asleep. I would attempt to put her in her moses basket and before I'd even laid her down she would start screaming. One of my friends actually experimented with holding her over the moses basket with outstretched arms, "scream", still holding her with outstretched arms but no longer over the moses basket "asleep", pattern repeated a number of times with the same results. I knew then I was going to have my hands full as she got older . I certainly didn't have Mary Poppins to help me, well only Jim, so I used to have my bath in the evenings when Jim came home (I did manage to brush my teeth and hair in the morning with one hand though). Jim also used to cook dinner every night. Oh and cut it up into bite size pieces for me so that I could eat it whilst Evan was attached to my boob.

So how did I find all that relaxing you ask yourself. Well it all comes down to state of mind - your head really does create your world. The overwhelming thought that used to creep into my head was "I knew she was going to change my world completely, I've looked forward to having her in my life and I'm damn well going to enjoy her". And so I simple let go of caring about anything other than just enjoying being a mum. In fact when you do that you can start seeing how unbelievably lazy you can be. With a little bit of organising I could plonk myself on the sofa watch tv, read a book, sleep and generally relax anytime I wanted to.

And relaxation IS the key. So many women experience the baby blues - they have had such a huge rush of hormones leading up to and having their babies they suddenly crash when their lives change so dramatically. However, a mum who is able to relax into her role works in harmony with those changes and so doesn't experience such extreme highs and lows.

So these are my tips.

1. Put your feet up and don't worry about the house work. Keep your house tidy and ask your husband to support with that (actually quite easy to do if you are just sitting with your feet up cos you don't get to make any mess) and I promise you won't notice the tiny amount of dust that will accumulate. After all it's only a few weeks and you will have done a total spring clean during your nesting period. Actually, I couldn't walk in the last few weeks of my pregnancy because Evan had got herself into a funny position so I had to nest via Jim. Bless him I phoned him at work one day in tears saying there were so many things I wanted to get ready but couldn't He told me to write a list and he would do it all when he got home. And he did! Sorry as usual I've gone off on a tangent where was I - oh yes tip number 1 - put your feet up and don't worry about the housework.

2. Put your feet up and get dad to feed you. Mum feeds the baby, dad feeds the mum. Jim as I said before cooked the dinner every night and washed up too and would also make me lunch and snacks for the day. He did this when he realised that I'd gone all day existing on a couple of biscuits because I couldn't make a sandwich with one hand (or probably couldn't be bothered to try). I never seemed to get extra hungry because I was breastfeeding I'm not sure why.

3. If some days your baby seems to want to be on your boob more than he/she's off it then use it as another excuse to put your feet up (is there a theme to my tips?). Remember it is all part of making sure you have enough milk for them (or if it is hot they may just be a bit more thirsty than usual).

4. If your little one doesn't want to sleep anywhere but on you put your feet up and sleep right along with them. I promise it doesn't last for long. I really thought I'd never get Evan to sleep in her cot but from 6 weeks she was sleeping in it from 11pm to 5am (she lost it at 5 months and started waking every hour but I blame a trip to Wales and Evan's sleeping problem is a story for another day).

5. If you have friends or family over (although keep your guests to an absolute minimum for the first two weeks unless you have an amazing best friend like me who turned up with about a weeks worth of food she'd cooked for us) get them to hold the baby for a while and put your feet up. Extra tip under this section don't run around after them, put your feet up and let them make you a cup of tea.

6. If you don't get to bath one day, wash your hair or brush your teeth or in fact do any of the things you planned for that day. Let it go. Put your feet up and relax.

So what are you going to do for those few weeks that you're getting used to being a mum. That's right 'put your feet up'. And just to make sure that you are doing that properly these are the ingredients needed for the perfect feet up experience:

Foot stall
Cushions for you and to place baby on whilst feeding
TV remote
Mobile phone
Telephone
Drink
Snacks
Book
Magazine
Muslin for those wonderful little (little yeah right) spit ups

All neatly placed by your side so once you are relaxed with your feet up the only thing that needs to disturb you is a dirty nappy or a trip to the loo.

Happy Babymoons everyone :-)

Natural Induction for labour

2009-07-19T05:53:00.000-07:00

The link at the bottom of this post shows you what my husband used as a natural form of induction when I was 41 + 5 days pregnant with our daughter.

Notice how much I am laughing - it worked she was born the next day!

I always tell my HypnoBirthing and Hypnosis for Childbirth clients that if at all possible they should avoid chemical induction. We talk about lots of 'hugs before drugs' to produce the natural oxytocin that can start uterine surges but I'm also a great believer in using laughter.

During laughter the stress hormone cortisol is reduced and conversely the happiness hormone oxytocin level is enhanced. It also helps relieve the pressure that can be created due to going 'overdue' .

Laughter induction (as I laughingly call it) has also worked for a number of my clients.

Give it a go dads - be creative :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2AUCPtDObc

Fantastic new birth story I just had to share

2009-07-17T07:34:00.000-07:00

Good Morning

I finally have a few minutes to share our wonderful BS. Firstly I would like to say that our lives have been truly blessed by one of the most unselfish, caring people I have ever met ~ Dany Hypnomummy. She has given her time energy; passion unconditionally- thank you will never be enough.

I know that Dany gives her time and energy not only to me but to everyone she is in contact with- My DH and I wanted to give something back and have Dany present at our birth- alas Dany knocked at the door seconds after baby was born.

Our birth was practically EVERYTHING that I had visualised and dreamed about and so much more. I woke up Monday morning had a few tightening’s but thought nothing more than BH. I had a chat with Dany on the phone- such a gorgeous chat... Dany saying I can't believe we are talking about your birth like this - its going to be amazing. We were laughing and joking- something which featured so much throughout the day.

I had some great quality time playing with Hannah- when Hannah went for a nap I phoned my DH to say I was having tightening’s and I would like him home.... I then went and relaxed and listened to natural calm... no more tightening’s. Darn I thought I have got him home on a false alarm.

When DH did get home the tightening’s were every 10mins- I spoke to Dany who said don't worry about phoning the MW they won't be concerned at this stage (I already had- and she was right!) go and enjoy your afternoon and call me later if you need to". That's exactly what we did Hannah and DH had a water fight in the garden - there was so much love and happiness it was fab!

We discussed with DH if we should call grandparents, friends to take Hannah but as I had said on so many occasions my ideal would be to put Hannah to bed and for her to wake in the morning to her new baby. This is exactly what we did - I cooked dinner, we ate as a family and put Hannah to bed (7.40pm). During dinner I was having surges and would just close my eyes and breath through them- Hannah looked concerned so Daddy said I was so tired I was sleeping which made her giggle.

I cleaned away the dishes through surges and my DH started filling the birth pool- something he wanted to do much earlier, I was in denial and hadn’t let him….

This is when surges were every 5mins- I called the MW and she said she was on her way, I called Dany about 10-15mins later and said I was struggling. Looking back I wasn’t struggling, as such I just didn’t realise how advanced in my birthing I was. I was struggling filling my balloon but my DH told me to stop trying and just to breath through it- Dany had spoken to me that morning about humming- which I started to do (well more moaning and groaning!)- It was brilliant.

I will forever have this image of my DH running back and forward with a yellow bowl frantically filling the birth pool whilst me stop him every surge so he could give my light touch massage and then telling him to get back to filling the pool up.

The MW arrived and I do feel sorry she arrived in to our little mayhem- she started talking about contractions- DH said please call them surges. Whilst she was feeling my tummy I had an urge to be sick- DH had to step in and ask her to give me some space. She was quite insistent on wanting to listen to the baby’s heartbeat, which I was happy to do but just not right now. After being sick (that’ll teach me for gorging myself at dinner!) I felt a bit better. The mw was writing her notes so I asked her to exam me- to my absolute joy I was told that I was 9cm.

9cm- it still makes me cry with happiness now! I have read so many wonderful BS where the birthing mother arrived at 9cm without knowing- this is something I had also visualised so many times I wanted to happen to me. I was elated and remember saying to my DH "Quick get the video camera film this we are having our baby we are really having our baby"

I hopped into the birth pool (it wasn’t full or up to temp something we didn’t realise) it was however bliss. I was listening to Dany’s natural calm again- the bit about "you maybe aware of sounds around you"- I was joking with DH saying "that’ll be running water then" – he then went on to tease my moaning and groaning which made me laugh. I then had the urge to bear down… the mw told me not to and to breath through it- I wasn’t ready apparently….

She went and sat down in the other room. I was in all four’s bearing down, when I shouted I can feel my babies head (it was crowning). The mw came back and said no that’s just your waters breaking- she walked away and sat down at which point Senna (with two small surges) quite literally shot out with just me and my lovely DH present. She shot out the wrong way through my legs so I couldn’t catch her- a little bit of commotion followed getting Senna out of the water – poor thing was placed on my back whilst the cord was cut- during which I heard a knock at the door- I knew it was Dany who missed the birth quite literally by seconds. The second mw never made it either.

A few minutes later we were cuddling on the sofa with our gorgeous baby girl Senna Alexandra weighing 7lb 5 ½ at 9.35pm. We think I was in established labour for just over 2 hours. The mw didn’t even catch the time she was born so my DH had to play back the video tape to get the time! I had visualised my DH and Dany laughing throughout our birth- as Dany said it was after the birth that we got this lovely time and not during.

Millions of thanks to Dany for helping to clear up and it was so special having you thereish! and something I will never forget.

Sorry this is so long but thanks for reading! My advice would be live, breath, be hypnobirthing, practice, practice, practice and visualise the birth that you want- this was all key in our wonderful birth. Oh and let your birthing partner get organised as soon as – don’t interfere like me- things would have been slightly easier had this been done earlier and if you are so lucky to have someone like Dany attending your birth- call them sooner than later!!

Love

Clare Mummy to two gorgeous girls Hannah (2 1/2) and Senna (5 days old) Perfect home hypno water birth.

Understanding how the body is designed to work during labour and birth

2009-07-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

Every time I start a HypnoBirthing or Hypnosis for Childbirth course I actually feel a little sad. If we hadn’t been so brainwashed into believing that our bodies were flawed in some way I would not need to be teaching these courses at all. Unfortunately, as each generation tells stories of how awful birth is and as individual women give birth and share their own horror stories amongst friends and relatives, this all adds to the negative conditioning that leads women to believing that they have to endure horrific pain during childbirth unless they opt for the pain relieving drugs that are available. Marie Mongan, the founder of HypnoBirthing calls this 'Universal Conditioning'.

But why is it do you suppose that the uterus is the only set of muscles that do not function properly? Without special circumstances (complications) all of our other muscles work without discomfort as long as we are using them for the purpose that they were design.

The good news is that the muscles of the uterus are actually designed in the same way as all of our other muscles. There are three sets of muscles within the uterus and the two that we are concerned with for birthing are the inner circular muscles found mainly at the lower part of the uterus and the outer longitudinal (vertical) muscles. The circular muscles need to thin and open what we know as dilation and this happens by the outer longitudinal muscles drawing them up. The vertical muscles also shorten and flex in a wave like motion to push the baby down. These two sets of muscles are designed to work in harmony, however, when a woman goes into labour with any fear, is stressed or anxious, or circumstances arise during her labour that create these emotional responses, stressor hormones called catecholamines are triggered setting off the ‘fight or flight’ response. This causes oxygen to move to those muscles that are required to give energy to enable an individual to either stand and fight or to run away, but when this is not appropriate as in a labouring woman, they instead act as constrictors. We see this in animals and know it to be a part of survival, enabling them to stop their babies coming until they reach a place of safety where they can then relax and allow their bodies to return to normal and birth their babies comfortably. But if the danger is perceived as is more likely the case of a labouring woman how does she ever reach that place of safety? Her subconscious believes she is in danger her circular muscles become tense and tighten but the vertical muscles continue to pull up, quite simply it is this that causes the great discomfort you hear about during labour. Unfortunately, oxygen is moving away from the uterus and therefore the baby and the baby’s head is also being forced against a taught muscle, both of which can lead to foetal distress. Because the cervix is resistant this can also lead to what is medically known as ‘failure to progress’ both of which can cause midwives and/or doctors to want to use intervention to move things along.

There is good news though, when you are fully relaxed and without fear as you go into labour the stressor hormones cannot be present and instead it enhances the ability of the bodies natural pain killer, your endorphins which are 200 times the effect of morphine. When your endorphins are fully stimulated during labour and birth they will actually help prevent your nerve cells from releasing pain signals, and will also provide you with a feeling of power and control as your progress through your birthing, creating a wonderful amnesiac effect and a fantastic sense of well being

Apart from the universal conditioning there are other factors that can affect the uterus always functioning as it should by creating fear, stress and anxiety in a labouring woman?

• Caregivers may not accommodate and encourage a mother’s wish for a natural birth

• Early and on-going programme of horrors

• Vocabulary – you don’t want anyone asking you if you are in any pain

• Birthing atmosphere

The hypnosis techniques learnt, either by attending a HypnoBirthing or Hypnosis for Childbirth course with me or following my downloadable mp3 programme, will help you remain calm and relaxed and therefore enable your body to function as it is designed to do during labour and birth. This combined with making sure that you have supportive people around you, a relaxing environment and that you have carried out a fear release exercise will all give you the best opportunity to have a comfortable birth experience.

To find out more have a look at my site www.tums2mums.com

IT geeks make good husbands

2009-07-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

I want to shout out a huge big thank you to my wonderful husband. From a technical perspective I don't know what I would do without him. We have recently changed our internet provider and with that Jim chose to also change how he hosts my website. He did this for a number of reasons but one of them was so that I would be able to place my downloadable mp3s on my own site rather than skydrive where they are currently. This way the pages that they sit on will be Tums 2 Mums branded and in my opinion will all look a lot more professional.

Now because this now meant the server that my website is hosted on is no longer in our house I have to publish it in a different way. Unfortunately, something got lost in translation and all my spaces, pound signs and other symbols turned into little question marks. There were loads scattered over every page. My darling husband however wasn't phased and as usual found a solution. Problem solved.

Jim really does put so much work into making sure everything works when it comes to my email (including access on my phone), my website and any other technical problem that rears its ugly head. Stuff that would be so tiresome for me if not impossible in many cases should I have to deal with them myself.

Thanks darling.

Teaching dads how to use massage during pregnancy and labour

2009-07-06T10:20:00.000-07:00

I have just returned from a wonderful trip to Devon. It was a nice few days away with Jim and Evan in a beautiful cottage set amongst an amazing backdrop of rolling hills all green and lush (not surprising really with the amount of rain we had) but beautiful nonetheless.

But the best part of it was (no offense family) my lovely day spent with Katie Whitehouse of Vital Touch. I had booked a course with her to learn how to teach dads to use massage during pregnancy and labour. It was supposed to be a group course but luckily for me, as a group of midwives had transferred on to her December course, it turned out to be just for me. I'm proud to say that Katie felt it was meant to be and appeared to enjoy our day together too (which is brilliant because of course for her it meant putting in the same amount of effort but for a lot less cash).

I felt totally relaxed and at ease the second I met Katie as she peered over the top of the stairs to greet me in the lovely relaxing Vital Touch premises. We chatted about ourselves for a bit getting to know each other and quickly realising how much we had in common and then we moved on to the more structured part of the day. Although, it quickly became unstructured as at almost every turn we found how similar our teachings were, Katie using the power of touch and me teaching how powerfully we can use our minds. So we kept digressing and sharing stories and were busy scribbling extra notes on how each ones specialism could support what we were teaching with our own.

First and foremost we are both teaching how a relaxed mother (through hypnosis and/or massage) will be able to inhibit the production of the stressor hormone that will cause the muscles of the uterus to constrict and tighten and in turn cause great pain. Both hypnosis and massage can then further promote the stimulation of endorphins the body's natural pain relief (200 times the effect of morphine). Also, when your endorphins are fully stimulated during labour and birth they will actually help prevent your nerve cells from releasing pain signals in the first place.

Katie found it interesting how in HypnoBirthing we use 'anchors' (attaching the touch of the dads hand on the shoulder and the sound of his voice to a wonderfully relaxed state that can then be easily and quickly triggered during labour). There is a beautiful massage technique Katie calls the heart which can so easily include the shoulder anchor. Katie also suggests that the dads use gentle, loving prompts (as we do in HypnoBirthing reinforcing the anchor to the partners voice) as they are administering the massage. We then went on to discuss how smell can also trigger certain memories, feelings and emotional states. I had noticed that I kept drifting back to my front room as I was sitting listening to Katie and I soon realised that it was because I could smell her lovely massage oils that I had bought to sell in my online shop. So we went on to discuss how we could help women using smell. Because the labour massage oil contains clary sage which cannot be used until a pregnant woman is full term Katie advised that it would be lovely to burn a combination of sweet orange and lavender during my courses (and couples could also choose to do that when practising too). As lavender is also part of the blend in the labour massage oil it would therefore help to remind the mum of being in a lovely state of relaxation. Also, if she is not birthing at home it will bring some of her home comfort with her into the hospital room or midwife led unit.

Bringing the couple closer together and giving the dad the opportunity to feel a much bigger part of the pregnancy and labour is also another valuable benefit of using massage as too is the pre-natal bonding that occurs. I teach couples during the HypnoBirthing classes that babies can respond to what is going on in their environment and massage is another beautiful way for the dads to spend time bonding with their babies.

Katie asked me what had inspired me to attend the course. I said that when I had attended part of my friends labour I had found that sometimes there was either no room for or no need for words. I had simply laid a hand to show support, comfort or reassurance. It was really up to her to take on whatever message she chose from my touch. I could have inadvertently said something that didn't match her experience but with touch this couldn't happen. This is something that I now make dads very aware of although I also remind them that if the mum doesn't want to be touched at a particular time that they shouldn't take offense. When I'd found Katie's course I thought aha that is the missing link! There really is such a harmony between the use of hypnosis and massage during pregnancy and labour and I can't wait to start teaching it to my couples.

When we got on to the practical elements of the course Katie taught me how to teach dads extremely simple but incredibly effective massage techniques. How do I know how wonderful they are? Because Katie taught me by letting me experience them. Well I wanted to stop the course right there and then and just book a massage session - it was amazing. So quick, so simple, sooooooooooooooo lovely.

I left fully prepared with a set of course notes and a powerpoint training presentation all of which Katie said I could and should adapt to work with my hypnosis techniques. I am incredibly excited and looking forward to having some time this week to pull together what I have learnt and perhaps write a new script that will work beautifully with some of the lovely visualisations that Katie has included.

I'm going to be meeting up with one of my HypnoBirthing couples this weekend and will be giving them a freebie session to practise my new skills. And if I'm incredibly lucky and the timings work out I will be attending the birth of another HypnoBirthing mum and so will be able to teach her husband 'on the job' so to speak. I will of course be posting more details of these as and when they happen.

If you are pregnant, or a dad keen to learn more about the power of massage for pregnancy and labour, look out for details of my new great course "Teaching dads how to use massage during pregnancy and labour" that I will soon be adding to my site http://www.tums2mums.com/.

If you are a Doula or an antenatal teacher be it HypnoBirthing, NCT, NHS or other check out http://www.vitaltouch.com/cgi-bin/vt.cgi?usr=65253&page=courses-2day.html

Having sex daily can improve sperm quality

2009-06-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

Well guys it looks like there is a reason why you want sex all the time! According to Dr David Greening, from Sydney IVF, in Wollongong, Australia "Sperm don't seem to like staying in warm testicles for too long. The advice might be to keep the rivers flowing."

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article6609105.ece

Whilst men's volumes of sperm increases when they go without ejaculating (which is why couples are normally told to have sex every two to three days if they are trying to conceive), the older the sperm becomes the more genetic damage it can accumulate through exposure to heat and to oxygen free radicals. Dr. Greening's research has found that whilst a man ejaculating daily has less sperm it is of better quality and the numbers still sit within normal fertile parameters.

Therefore, for some it looks like there are advantages to having sex daily (or of course if that is too much to hope for take matters into their own hands guilt free).

Although Dr Allan Pacey, Senior Lecturer in Andrology at the University of Sheffield, said: "There may be dangers if we apply this finding to all men uncritically and to all situations.

"For example, in cases where men have low sperm counts to start with, daily ejaculations may well reduce the sperm count still further and whilst sperm may be more healthy the reduced numbers could impede the chance of natural conception. However, if such men are preparing for an assisted conception procedure, this may well not matter and their chances of success may be improved."

I particularly found this report encouraging because one of the things that I like to do when working with couples is to help them enjoy making love again. Remind them of the fun they used to have before they got on the baby making train. Sex has become such a routine for many because it is now all about the 'right time' and ensuring that the man's sperm is at peak performance to tie in with that right time. That right time actually sits within quite a big window because the sperm can live for up to five days so having sex for up to five days before or after the 'right time' can result in a pregnancy. In the right circumstances I will even joke that there is no need to know when that 'right time' is, just have sex every day, and now it seems that actually that maybe beneficial.

One final note on the subject - remember it doesn't have to be Mills and Boons every night. Quickies are great fun too :-)

Take a breath - good advice :-)

2009-06-30T06:16:00.001-07:00

I've just had a very lovely chat with a Kent journalist wanting to write an article about the work that I do.

He asked me the simple question "tell me about your business?" The thing is there is soooooooo much to tell and I get sooooooo excited when I'm telling it that in the end the poor man had to ask me to take a breath - hahahaha.

I asked him if he was the hypnotherapist as it was good advice. I took a breath and put on my 'Hypnomummy' persona and slowed down. But then I got all excited again and sped up. His poor hand was aching trying to keep up with me even with 'shorthand'. I can't help it the excitement just pours out of me and as I'm saying one thing there are a million other things running through my brain saying 'pick me, pick me'. My tongue like the journalists hand just can't keep up.

I hope I gave him enough good information though about the work that I do as I would love to raise more awareness of all of the elements of my work. Hypnosis is proven to double success rates of IVF and increase natural conception by 30% and the work that I have been doing with women is proving that. I love nothing more than seeing a woman overcome those annoying and sometimes more serious ailments of pregnancy and if only I could reach out to many, many more women and change their birth stories for them before they have even happened I would be a very, very happy Hypnomummy.

Are we pushing too hard?

2009-06-25T04:53:00.000-07:00

If I had to pinpoint one element of HypnoBirthing that women have the most difficulty getting their heads around it is 'pushing' or to be more specific the lack of 'pushing'.

During Hypnbirthing classes we teach 'mums' that there is no need to do lots of forced 'purple' pushing. This is a very outdated concept and comes from a time that women used to be anaesthetised, and unable to birth their babies, and so forceps were used to extract the baby from the vagina. As times changed, women were conscious when birthing their babies and forceps were no longer routinely used and so it was felt that if the babies were no longer being pulled out of their mothers then surely the mother would have to push them out (maybe as they get older there might be a need to push them out of the nest for their own good but not this young surely).

Yet again we find that doctors think they know more about birth than mother nature does. But for a women with no special circumstances there is absolutely no reason why both she and her baby cannot be left quietly alone and for the baby to gently makes its way down and ultimately out.

Note:

New midwives are now trained that forced pushing is not necessary, however, some old school midwives will still try and get you to start pushing just because you are fully dilated. You will want to ignore this instruction (put on your birth plan that you want to do mother-directed birth breathing and have no outside instruction from the midwife as your birth companion will be supporting you with this). For those who feel that it would be difficult to go against what a professional is telling them, please read the attached paper written by the Royal College of Midwives, which supports what we are saying during HypnoBirthing classes.

(please note however that the prompts suggested for midwives are to support women who have not had HypnoBirthing training and do not necessarily have the help of a knowledgeable birth companion)

Forced pushing is stressful on both the mother and the baby and can in fact slow things down as it closes the sphincters of the vagina ahead of the descending baby. It can be an overwhelmingly exhausting experience for a woman and is one of the reasons why doctors like to intervene if a woman isn't progressing at a pace they are happy with. Unfortunately, it is the fact that they want to intervene at the birthing stage and make the woman push that leads them to think they need to intervene earlier so that she has enough energy to push. Oh! I'm exhausted just writing about it.

However, there is no need. We have a natural expulsive reflex that will gently nudge the baby down and out.

Unlike other techniques you will learn on a HypnoBirthing course you can't practise birthing your baby (I'm sure I don't have to explain why :-)). However, there is another function within the body that uses the natural expulsive reflex...... Have you guessed what it is yet? Of course you have - it is when we are having a 'poo'. Now don't ask me why but when my husband attended one of my HypnoBirthing courses, when I was pregnant with Evan, and we got to this part of the course he got a little upset with me (not openly but afterwards he said "Dany do you have to mention poo so much can you not say when you open your bowels?" Oh please anyone reading my blog will know that I'm going to say poo - quicker, easier, more simple - actually just like birthing using hypnosis.

I digress back to pooing (not literally you understand)!

Think about it - you don't think to yourself "do you know at some point today I'm going to want to poo so I'll go and sit on the loo for the next few hours and push with all my might until one comes out". Of course you don't. You wait till you get a sensation that you are going to poo, you go and sit on the loo whilst your poo makes its way down and then maybe you might give a little push at the end.

Erm! I do say poo rather a lot don't I?

This is exactly what you want to do when you are birthing your baby and because you will be using the same natural expulsive reflex you can practise your birth breathing technique whilst having a poo. This often becomes labeled by my 'dads' as 'poo breathing' and is the first thing they love to share with people about HypnoBirthing.

Right so if you are still with me let's focus on how you practise your 'poo/birth' breathing.

The following explanation of the HypnoBirthing birth breathing technique is taken from 'HypnoBirthing - The breakthrough approach to safer, easier, comfortable birth' by Marie Mongan:

"...you will take in a short, deep breath and breathe down. Your birthing companion will prompt you to direct your breath and love downward to help your baby move smoothly down to crowning. As you exhale, breathe down and visualise the opening of your vagina, like the petals of a rose, folding outward as your baby moves to the perineal rim.

Now as I was saying you can't for obvious reasons practise this until your baby is ready to be born. However, as you also have a natural expulsive reflex that helps you poo you can practise whilst on the loo.

But before I explain how I'm going to digress once more. If you had never done a poo. ever in your life before, and someone said to you that you were going to pass something relatively big out of a hole that appears quite a bit smaller than your poo you'd quite probably be scared. As it was making its way down you'd probably tense and tighten and be full of fear. In fact it is quite interesting watching my 2 year old daughter at the moment. Her poos are becoming more solid and we're not quite potty training yet but she's becoming very much more aware of what's going on down there. You can see the look of surprise sometimes just before she does a poo as she starts to feel her poo making its way down (and the look of surprise on mine when I find she's poo'd in my slipper but I won't go on about that again).

For your practise. When you are doing a poo, firstly become aware of how your poo feels as it is nudging its way down. Then take in a short, deep breath and breathe down directing the breath around your poo and noticing how the muscles relax around it and help its progress. You can practise using the opening bud blossom described above too to visualise more space around and in front of your poo. This technique is also particularly useful for anyone suffering with constipation.

Just once you can also squeeze and tighten and notice how your poo pops back up. So often midwives will say that they could see the baby's head and then it popped back up again. This is a really useful way of appreciating how very clearly tightening and tension will not only stop the baby's descent but also potentially move him or her back the other way (talk about two steps forward and one step back).

The more you practise 'poo' breathing the more you are learning how to tune into the natural expulsive reflex of your body and experiencing how your breath and focused attention can enable everything to remain relaxed and open easily. When it comes time to have your baby you will be fully prepared to work with your natural expulsive reflex to help nudge your baby down and out.

If you are interested in finding out more about how hypnosis can support you through pregnancy, labour and birth check out my Hypnosis for Childbirth downloadable mp3s at http://www.tums2mums.com/index_files/HypnotherapyProducts.htm

The sun will come out tomorrow

2009-06-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why that title came into my head other than I'm too tired to think straight tonight but really wanted to make a blog entry.

I know what the next topic for my blog is going to be - 'poo' breathing, I mean 'birth' breathing - either way no forced pushing.

All will be revealed tomorrow - although they do say tomorrow never comes!

Interesting idea for your wedding gift list

2009-06-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

Last year an estimated 20,000 brides in Britain were pregnant on their wedding day which made me think how cool it would be if we saw HypnoBirthing classes appearing on their wedding gift list. Or maybe even some forward thinking guest could surprise the couple with the purchase of a course.

So pregnant brides-to-be what do you think? Is the gift of a calm, comfortable birth experience for you and your baby something you could imagine adding to your wedding gift list?

Assessing Cervical Dilation without Vaginal Exams

2009-06-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

I personally have never felt uncomfortable about vaginal exams and was more than happy when I was in labour for the midwife, on her arrival at my house, to check how dilated I was (she was shocked to find me fully dilated because from her years of experience looking at me she had assessed I was about 5 cms dilated). For some women though the thought of having vaginal exams during labour is very intrusive and even uncomfortable. For others they don't know whether to be checked as they don't want to risk being discouraged if they are not far along (although with HypnoBirthing mums they are often a lot further along than both they or the midwife had realised).

However, midwives like to check how women are advancing with their labour. Sadly, although women are told that they can't plan birth (a topic of discussion for another day), in most cases, this is to check women are within their guidelines of how they should be progressing against the clock. (If there is a medical indication that it would be of benefit for you and the baby to have a vaginal exam obviously this is a different matter).

There are many midwives however that believe both can have what they want.

Quoting from the article found at http://tinyurl.com/l92zpf (section 4.3)

"There is a purple line which creeps up the so-called 'natal cleft' (or bum cleavage for the less scientific amongst us) that can be used as a measure of cervical dilatation. The purplish-red line begins at the anal margin at the start of labour and gradually creeps up, like mercury in a thermometer. When it reaches the nape of the buttocks the woman is fully dilated. "

Now whilst this purple line doesn't always show I guess if it is there and a midwife is open to following it, it can help avoid vaginal exams. If you find this interesting therefore you can print off section 4.3 and have a conversation with your midwife to find out if she and any of the other midwives that may attend your birth are aware of this and have ever used it. If they are and it is something that they are happy to consider put on your birth plan that if the purple line is visible you would like them to use this method to assess how you are progressing and place a copy of the article with it. It doesn't mean you won't have a vaginal exam just that you are open to exploring other way of assessing dilation.

How many vaginal exams you may have very much varies from midwife to midwife and a particular birthing locations procedures so it is important to know that, without special circumstances indicating the benefits of a vaginal exam, you don't have to agree to them if you don't want them.

Fantastic HypnoBirthing stories

2009-06-17T11:38:00.001-07:00

I have such a lovely job and receiving wonderful birth stories is one of the best bits.

Because our subconscious doesn't know the difference between real and imagined events I advise my clients not to listen to 'horror' stories about birth. Unfortunately, if they do their subconscious takes on that story as it's own and when that woman goes into labour responds by saying "oh yes I remember this it is scary and frightening and makes me feel unsafe" and in turn sets about stopping the baby from coming until the mother feels safe. But what she is fearing isn't real so how does she do that?

When women attend my HypnoBirthing classes, they learn that when they approach labour and birth without fear and fully relaxed, the muscles of the uterus will work in harmony as they are designed to do and this allows the opportunity for a more comfortable birth experience. They will then learn a variety of hypnosis techniques to keep them nice and relaxed during labour and birth. The also take part in a fear and negative emotion release hypnotic session to help change the way they feel about any negative stories, comments or experiences they have had.

However, because many women have had such powerful negative conditioning with regards to labour and birth, it also helps to read lovely birth stories proving that it is possible to have their baby in a calm, comfortable and relaxed way.

I've just added some new stories from recent clients to my website and I hope all my pregnant readers take the opportunity to read and enjoy them.

http://www.tums2mums.com/index_files/AllStories.htm

Pregnant Robot (Noelle) Trains Students

2009-06-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

What exactly is it training them on?

How NOT to create the best circumstances for a calm, comfortable birth?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAzmC0uYKAY

Some of my favourite bits

"Everything is as it would be for example the way she is positioned on the table".

Yes of course silly me not to realise that the best place for a woman to give birth is on her back with her knees in the air so the OBGYN can sit comfortably between her legs as she is giving instructions to PUSH with the next contraction.
"She is just like a real PATIENT".

Says it all really. When is somebody going to tell them that without complication birth is a natural, normal event. The great writers from the Grecian School of medicine were not wrong when they labeled doctors as 'meddlesome interference' when they tried to involve themselves in childbirth.
"Hooked up to a monitor and IV".

Arghhhh!!!!
"Complications such as long labour times".

I wish they'd seen my client who had a 4 day labour, gave birth in leap frog position and looked like she'd barely had a late night at the end of it.
"Because the robot cannot speak a person is assigned to be the mother and they can be as creative as they want".

As long as that mother doesn't want to have any opinion about how her own birth should be I guess.

Funny I saw a response from a US hypnotherapist on Twitter today saying "oh you are in the UK at least HypnoBirthing has a chance there". Now I know why.

However, wherever you are, HypnoBirthing classes not only teaches you how and why you don't have to suffer severe discomfort during labour and birth and a variety of techniques to enable you to achieve that. They also teach you that without special circumstances you are not a patient, you have the right to say no to unnecessary intervention and will give you and your birth companion the confidence to ask questions and ensure you get the best possible birth experience for you and your baby.

Otherwise you are at risk at being treated just like Noelle, as a robot!

Is it possible to have a pain free birth?

2009-06-13T03:09:00.000-07:00

The simple answer to this question is YES!

Can I promise you that attending HypnoBirthing or Hypnosis for Childbirth sessions with me will guarantee you a pain free birth?

Sadly NO?

We are beautifully designed to give birth with no discomfort. In that respect we are no different to other animals and we don't see them huffing, puffing, screaming, swearing and scratching the fur off of the paw of the dad-to-be. They find themselves a nice quiet, SAFE place, settle down and gently without barely a murmur birth their babies.

How do I know it is possible to have a pain free birth? Because I've done it and you can read my birth story at http://www.tums2mums.com/index_files/MyStory.htm. Whilst you are there you can check out some other great stories from my clients too.

I remember saying to my sister it is amazing isn't it that I slept through most of my labour and really only got a true sense that anything major was happening in the last 10 mins before Evan was actually born. So really at the point when I felt her head come down, then out and followed by her body 2 mins later as she literally swam out into the birthing pool (which I'd only been in for 20 mins). Her response was "well you are totally brainwashed aren't you Dany?". And she is right. I have been teaching women for many years that they can have calm, comfortable, relaxed births that they are very much in control of and I've then been lucky enough to read their lovely birth stories once they have achieved that. I was also lucky that I'd never heard negativity about birth. My mum had my brother in hospital and then my sister and I at home. She said I flew out in 4 hours and I never heard a negative word from her about any of our births. I didn't actually realise that birth was considered awful until I became an Hypnotherapist and women starting asking for my help. In fact the only negativity I had about childbirth was the epidural. I remember seeing an awful documentary about it and thinking "why would anyone want one of those? I am never having that done to me".

But why if it is possible can I not promise it? Sadly because most women haven't escaped the horror stories over the years and by the time they attend one of my courses they are either petrified or at the very least accepting that it is going to hurt but want to learn ways of 'coping' with that. The shift from excruciating pain to 'it doesn't have to hurt' is a step too far for some and can in itself create a fear of not being able to achieve that. The annoying thing is it is the very horror stories that create the problem. The reason animals find a SAFE place to give birth is quite obviously survival. There is no point giving birth in the middle of a pride of lions who are going to enjoy those newborn babies as a nice mid-afternoon snack. And unfortunately every time a woman hears a negative story about birth her subconscious gets placed right in the middle of that pride of lions. In other words it becomes frightened and believes that she is not safe. Of course this doesn't really cause any harm until the woman goes into labour (unless it is very profound which can in itself create fertility problems but that is something to be discussed on a different post). When a woman goes into labour full of horror stories she is of course frightened and because the subconscious interprets that as she is not safe it actually takes steps to stop the baby coming. This is exactly what would happen should a labouring animal suddenly find itself in close proximity to a pride of lions (unless it was a lioness of course ;-)). One scenario is appropriate the other is not. Can you guess which one that is?

What I teach during HypnoBirthing and my private Hypnosis for Childbirth classes is how the female body is designed to work and how fear impacts on that. The fear changes the hormones within the labouring mother to stop the baby from coming until she reaches a place of safety. Unfortunately, this is what causes the great pain because instead of the muscles that need to dilate being nice and relaxed they constrict and tighten. The subconscious is waiting for the woman to reach a place of safety, relax and in turn give it the instruction that it is now OK for the baby to be born. But if the fear is in her head how does she reach the place of safety?

So I look at any fears the woman has and remove them at a subconscious level using hypnosis. And I teach a variety of hypnosis techniques in order for her to learn how to quickly go into and maintain a deep state of relaxation and calm. These two things combined gives a woman the best possible chance to have a pain free birth (and many of my clients do). However, some find it to scary to completely open their minds to this possibility and if the mind is focused on something hurting then inevitably it will. They don't want to set themselves up for failure and in fact I am the first to say if I tell you it will be pain free any sign of discomfort would have you thinking that it is not working and you could then spiral out of control. But without special circumstances (complications as described by a doctor) there is no need for pain.

The good news is though that whether one of my 'mums' reports back a pain free birth, or that she had felt her contractions more strongly, or indeed had special circumstances which led to a more difficult birth, they all feel that the hypnosis techniques helped them to remain calm and in control.

All are amazed at the difference in their birth story to the many other stories they hear from women who have not attending HypnoBirthing or other forms of Hypnosis for Childbirth classes.

My aim is to brainwash women into believing that they can have comfortable births rather than the brainwashing we currently have that labour and birth is a difficult, painful experience that a woman has to endure to have her beautiful baby.

Happy Birthing Days everyone!

This made me laugh :-D

2009-06-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

I do come across some funny articles when I'm looking for interesting things to write about on my blog.

http://thepeoplesnewsonline.com/2009/02/10/african-americans-thankful-multiple-birth-mom-isnt-black/

Health Visitors Reject Call For MMR To Be Made Compulsory

2009-06-09T15:31:00.000-07:00

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/152963.php

This article made me wonder what thought process and in turn what action parents who decide not to have the MMR immunisation go through.

My sister had the single injections for her son, although as I understand it the mumps one wasn't available when it was time for him to have the second. I don't know what she decided to do for her daughter. My mum was resolute that I did the same but I am a woman that makes up her own mind. I personally had a lengthy conversation with the nurse who had given Evan her other jabs. She gave me some literature to read and then I came away and did further research. Jim and I decided that it was absolutely fine to give Evan the MMR jab. In fact within the month we had to go back to have the second jab early (I think they normally have the second one at 2 or 3) because there had been another outbreak of measles in our area. Something that frightens me far more than the MMR jab.

I find that a lot of people these days are deciding that it is appropriate for their children to have the MMR jab but a lot seem to keep it very hush hush. Maybe they can't be bothered with all the negativity that they might get by admitting to it.

For those who don't want their children to have the MMR jab I appreciate that not all parents can afford the single jabs but surely they realise the dangers of not having anything both for their own child and others. Some I'm sure would argue that the single injections should be made available on the NHS but as I understand it they are not as effective. I know sometimes it is hard to separate the wood from the trees but the facts seem to very clearly state the the original research was completely discredited. I guess that is where the health visitors believe they can make a difference and help with that re-education.

Twitter Two

2009-06-09T14:37:00.000-07:00

I've attempted a silly play on words up there in the title but feel the need to explain.

I am having a second attempt at getting my head around Twitter - hence 'Twitter' and 'Two' and I love owls so I kind of made it sound like an owl. Or for those who are in the know when it comes to owls you need two owls to hear the twit and the twoo because one says twit and the other says twoo. Oh my goodness if you are still with me on this post I congratulate you :-)

Anyway my love of owls has inspired the name of my new online shop, HypnoWise, which isn't launching for a few month yet (I've got a juicy project lined up to launch it and it is going to take a bit of time). I'll of course let you know when it is ready though.

http://twitter.com/Tums2Mums

Another Fertility Success

2009-06-06T05:42:00.000-07:00

I picked up my phone yesterday morning and noticed that I'd missed a call from one of my fertility clients. I offer telephone support throughout treatment so I quickly called back and as my call was answered I heard the words "I have exciting news!". Of course I knew this could only mean one thing but after the long wait these women have had before being able to deliver such news I love to hear them say it. So I asked - "I'm pregnant" she said.

Every time I hear this news it is so incredibly special. I truly am so very lucky to be able to do the work that I do :-)

Research Reveals Two In Three UK Women Don't Know How To Get Pregnant

2009-05-30T05:58:00.000-07:00

I’ve been meaning to write about the following article for a number of days now. I haven’t got round to it until now because I wasn’t quite sure how I was feeling about it. But then I had a fab session with one of my fertility clients today and at the end we had a chat about it and I suddenly realised I was all too clear (or should I say clearblue).

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/150537.php

Research conducted for Clearblue, who provide home pregnancy and fertility testing, has revealed that two in three UK women don't know there is only a small window of opportunity (two 'peak' fertile days) in which they can conceive each month. I guess it is important for them to emphasise the two ‘peak’ days as they earn a lot of money from selling fertility predictor tests (notice peak is in inverted commas – not so clearbluely showing us that this doesn’t mean ONLY days).

The article goes on to say that the “results have identified a shocking knowledge deficit amongst those who are most likely to consider trying for a baby (aged between 25 - 40 years), which could be costing some women months or in worst cases years of unnecessary frustration, because they could be trying to conceive at the wrong time”. REALLY – are they telling me that there is a huge amount of women out there managing to never have sex at a time when they are fertile and that they spend years of trying to conceive without discovering this little gem of knowledge? I have to say that is not my experience of women who have wanted a baby for a long time. They normally know down to the second, it would seem, when they are at their most fertile. Something that has often had quite a detrimental affect on their sex life!

And the articles moves on to yet more negative hypnosis – it reads “For television presenter Anna Richardson, the harsh wake-up call came whilst filming a fertility segment for the Channel 4 'Sex Education' show she presented last year. It came as a complete shock to be told that at thirty-eight my fertility had been rated at 0.75 where 0 is deemed infertile. After much discussion and further testing, my age was coined as the single contributing factor. I'm an educated intelligent woman, but this was complete news to me - had I been better informed fertility in general I would have never left it this long. I now live with the reality I may never have children" – when I read rubbish like this is makes me soooooooooooooooooooo bloody angry. I got pregnant in the first month we decided we wanted a baby and I was 39. I’ve worked with women who have been told that they will probably never be able to conceive naturally because of their age (usually when they have been given the diagnosis of “unexplained infertility”. Many of the women I work with are 39 upwards and a lot of them have now got the beautiful babies they were told they were unlikely to have. When I say negative hypnosis this is exactly what it is. So few doctors take into account the effect that the mind has on the body! This is not some airy fairy mumbo jumbo nonsense. It is physiological fact. When the mind perceives something as a danger it sets of the survival response within us and the reproductive system is not a part of that. Unfortunately the word perceived is key here because anything can trigger that off – not least being told such upsetting news as you are to old to have a baby by someone in authority and whom you trust.

They go on to discuss this ‘knowledge deficit’ with Zita West who said "Identifying your best window of opportunity (1-2 days) each month is essential if you want to conceive naturally. Once you have the knowledge, it is important to bear in mind that sperm can live for up to five days so having sex for up to five days before or after your 'peak' window can result in a pregnancy". Ohhhhhh! So the window is not that small after all then – 10 days it quite a huge window in my book.

I really do not want to come across as flippant but when I was chatting with my client today she said the thing that she was so happy about after her first session with me was that I didn’t ask her all about her periods and her cycle. It felt to her that it was much more about getting her thoughts and emotions in the right place and of course that’s exactly what HypnoFertility is about. We know that the subconscious will make changes in the body based on what it perceives as being real. As I said above if it perceives there is a danger or needs to protect us from something it will take us into survival mode. The problem though, if it is only a perceived danger, how do we ever reach a place of safety in order to allow the subconscious to return us to a normal state in which reproduction is then able to occur? The answer for many is through hypnosis.

With regards to when's the right time. If you are in a good, loving, fun relationship. Throw away the predictor tests and have some fun with each other a few times a week. It doesn't have to be a Hollywood Blockbuster - quickies are fun too (and a great way to get yourself off to sleep after a busy day).

I feel like I'm on holiday today

2009-05-29T05:40:00.001-07:00

I'm on week two of having a cleaner and I already do not have any idea how I used to manage without Inga.

What a beautiful day it is today and instead of poor Evan having to traipse round after me whilst I clean the house (nowhere near to the standard that Inga does it I might add) we were out in the garden. For those of you who know me you will be surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed doing some gardening and I now have a flower bed that actually looks like a flower bed. If this carries on I shall have to change my name to HypnoFifi.

Because the sun was shining so beautifully Evan and I were smothered in sun cream and the last time I needed that was when were were on holiday in Portugal last year and the smell took me straight back there. Our ability to attach smells, sounds, touch, etc to particular memories and in turn feelings is something that is often used in hypnotherapy but I'll talk more about that at another time.

Anyway there I am back in Portugal, in my mind (hahahaha - this has triggered of another memory - this time a funny one of an Eddy Izzard sketch where he keeps saying "in my mind" - you'll smile at this point if you know the sketch I mean), when I decided to come in and make Evan and I some lunch. And the house was all beautiful and clean and it gave me that same lovely feeling you get when you return to your hotel room and the maid (do they still call them maids? Doesn't sound right) has been.

After lunch Evan and I had a bath, in the middle of the day no less, to clean off the sun cream and she is now fast asleep and I'm chilling on the sofa with a breeze drifting through the open patio doors.

I am sure you can feel the relaxed happy mood that I am in just oozing off of the screen as you read this. Oh how different my Fridays are now. I hope all my readers are having such a lovely Friday as I am and have a great weekend too.

If anyone lives near me and needs a cleaner I would strongly recommend http://www.homestarcleaning.co.uk/

To puke or not to puke that is the intelligence quotient

2009-05-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

I‘m not sure I should share this little piece of information I’ve just found.

http://www.nhs.uk/news/2009/05May/Pages/MorningsicknessupsbabyIQ.aspx

The Daily Telegraph reported that research suggests that “women who suffer morning sickness during pregnancy may be more likely to have a child with a high IQ”. Apparently doctors believe that babies’ development could be aided by the same hormones that make expectant mothers suffer nausea and vomiting.

The study this story is based on was looking at the effect of morning sickness on a child’s long-term neurodevelopment (such things as intelligence, behaviour, memory and attention).

There is loads more research that needs to be done to prove or disprove this theory but for now do you think I’m going to see a drop in my uptake of ‘managing morning sickness’ sessions and mp3s?

Although, the research was also looking in to what effect a drug for treating vomiting in pregnancy had on a child’s development so, if this proves to counteract the effects, maybe that will increase my uptake of ‘managing morning sickness’ sessions and mp3s?

Downloadable mp3s for pregnancy, labour and birth

2009-05-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

My husband is always saying that I don't shout loud enough about the things that I do well.

So I thought I'd do some shouting about my downloadable mp3s that are available to purchase from my shop. The ones that are currently available (I am in the process of writing and recording lots more) are specifically designed to prepare 'mums-to-be' for a calm comfortable birth that they are very much in control of. The reason I thought I'd shout about them is that I get so many thank yous from women telling me not only how fantastic their births were, because of listening to my mp3s, but also how relaxed and in control they were throughout their pregnancies and how they are coping so wonderfully with the massive change to their lives that a baby brings too.

As I am a Hypnobirthing practitioner I designed the mp3s to complement the Hypnobirthing book, however, they are as equally effective when used on their own.

If you'd like to find out more please check out my shop http://www.tums2mums.com/index_files/shop.htm

Maternity clothes: how to do pregnancy chic

2009-05-26T02:32:00.000-07:00

I loved this article in the Telegraph http://www.telegraph.co.uk/fashion/style/5313512/Maternity-clothes-how-to-do-pregnancy-chic.html

Simple and easy ways to look chic during pregnancy. I've nothing really to add just thought it would be nice for my pregnant mums to take a look at :-)

Teenage Kicks

2009-05-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

A film showing a schoolgirl giving birth on a school playing field has been viewed over a million times, around the world, via the Internet. Teenage Kicks, is part of a joint campaign run by NHS Leicester City and Leicester City Council to help reduce the number of teen pregnancies they have, with around one in 20 girls, aged 15-17, becoming pregnant every year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frHOZn3tpdQ

It is a short yet hard hitting film and normally I’d be horrified to think of anyone watching such a scary portrayal of birth. However, in this instance it is quite understandable that the young girl is screaming in agony because this is a situation that would create a huge amount of fear within a birthing woman (or should I say girl, not much more than a child herself).

When couples attend my HypnoBirthing® classes, the youngest of whom I’ve had attend was a 17 year old girl (I would like to add who was in a loving, stable relationship) they learn that it is fear that causes the muscles of the uterus to constrict and tighten as opposed to relaxing and opening gently and easily. This is actually what causes the great pain we hear women talk of when they share their stories of labour and birth. The reason fear creates such a change in the body is that should a woman be in real danger (and we see this in animals) the body needs a way to prevent the baby from coming until the woman has reached a place of safety. Once she is safe she can settle down thus indicating that she is now ready to birth her baby and so the muscles of the uterus can once again relax and open. Today though the fear mainly comes from perceived danger (usually the horror stories that have been told to women for most of their lives) and so there is no way of ever reaching safety, the muscles that need to thin and open never get the opportunity to relax and open easily and so birthing turns into an agonizing experience full of pain relieving drugs. Women who practice HypnoBirthing® however have dealt with their fears and then practiced a variety of hypnosis techniques in order to be able to easily enter and maintain a deep state of relaxation when they go in to labour. By doing this they are giving themselves the best opportunity to have a calm, comfortable, birth that they are very much in control of.

Just today I received a text saying ‘HypnoBirthing® rocks!’ – the ‘mum’ had arrived at the hospital fully dilated and the baby was born 10 minutes after her arrival. She was so excited I was the third person she text to say that the baby had arrived :-)

Sometimes it is the only way....

2009-05-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

We all have that little chatterbox in our head. I like to think of mine as a little cartoon devil and angel one sitting on each shoulder. This helps me to not take my chatterbox too seriously.

But sometimes that chatterbox just won't shut up will it? Often when there is some negativity going on in our lives but I also find that it can be disturbing when I'm excited about something too. Don't get me wrong I don't want to stop being excited but when it is keeping me up at night that doesn't really work for me.

The problem with this chatterbox is that it is very loud and so listening to a nice relaxation hypnotic session or carrying out some form of progressive relaxation down through the body doesn't always have the desired affect.

So sometimes the only way to deal with it is simply to bore the pants off of it (a bit like the old fashioned counting of sheep).

So the next time you are being wound up by too much negativity, or dog tired in bed with an overactive brain that won't let you sleep, or any other type of annoyance created by your chatterbox here's what to do.

Start counting from 10 down to 1 in fraction form (10, 9 1/2, 9, 8 1/2, 8 and so on)
As you count give each number a colour (eg. the 1 of the ten is red, the 0 of the ten is blue, the 9 is green, the 1 of the half is pink, the line of the half is purple, the 2 of the half is yellow. And so on using your own colours). It doesn't matter if you don't see just imagine that you see the same purpose is served
Hear the numbers and the colours in your inner ear in a monotoned voice
Imagine writing them - in the sand with your finger, on a blackboard with chalk or with crayons on a piece of paper. Or perhaps they are in blocks of foam or squidgy plastic, Notice how it feels as you write or hold these numbers in your hand
If you get distracted just come back to the number 10 and start again.

All the time you are focusing on these numbers; how they look, sound and feel you cannot be focusing on anything else. It may take commitment but you will eventually sidetrack your conscious brain and in turn go into a nice state of relaxation or sleep if that is appropriate. You will also not be able to focus on anything else at the same time and so you will get a break from your chatterbox.

Sweet dreams and positive imagining.

Cleaning lady brings harmony back to Blackfen Road!

2009-05-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

One of the sections on my website http://www.tums2mum.com/ is headed up 'Are you a Happy Mum?'.

It goes on to talk about how being a parent is the most important job in the world. And for the many challenges and demands mums deal with on a daily basis they deserve an award (I'm not leaving out the fact that dads do an amazing job too but for now we're talking about me and I'm a mum). I go on to ask the question, 'so why do so many mums feel stressed-out, guilty and inadequate?' And then I help these mums (and dads too) see that it doesn’t have to be that way, that they can find a balance and enjoy all elements of their life.

So why then did I think that I could do it all without any help?

I look after Evan from 6am in the morning to 6pm at night. Taking her to Mums & Tots, Sing and Sign and Swimming. I cook the dinner, do the washing, the ironing (well not Jim's shirts - I'm not that great and I don't even feel guilty about it) and all the housework (although the floor hasn't been mopped for weeks and I don't feel guilty about that either). Although I should say at this point that Jim is always happy, well maybe not happy, willing though to help but I thought "no, I'm at home so I might as well do it so we can have family time when he gets in from work". But I've been too tired to enjoy that time! I see clients most weekends, Saturdays and Sundays and often 2 or 3 evenings during the week from 7pm for a couple of hours and always put 110% into this wonderful work because it is my passion and I love every minute of it.

But I am not superwoman - quite a shock for me to find that out I might add.

And lately I've been feeling guilty (ah! so there is guilt) about the amount of time I've been spending on my laptop working. I've been feeling overly irritable (and yet more guilt rears its ugly head) with Evan just because she is being a typical nearly 2 year old. I've been really having to work hard at not showing that to her and not always achieving that (yep more guilt!). I've been feeling lonely and missing Jim because we haven't been getting to spend any quality time together (and I've even been feeling guilty about that - though not so much - just p'd off cos I miss him).

Was I surprised then to find myself blubbing at the kitchen sink the other day when Jim having seen I needed a break had whisked Evan off to the park? No, I was exhausted!

So I looked at the typical benefits that I say women can gain through working with me and I decided to do some work on myself. Here's what I did:

More time for yourself - Definitely feeling like there wasn't enough time in the day. So I took some time (yes even though there was an apparent shortage of it) to recognise when during the day I did have some time to myself. I was quite surprised that there was quite a lot of opportunity for me to have some space. So then I set the intention to appreciate that whether I worked or relaxed during this time was my decision and to enjoy whatever I chose.

Improved relationships - As soon as I recognised things weren't working things improved. I had a chat with a good mate and asked Jim for more help and I felt loads better. Jim and I have been laughing more and I'm loving my time with Evan again.

Better work/life balance - the scales definitely needed addressing. I've been leaving my laptop in the study so when it is Evan time - 'it is Evan time'. Then when she is having her nap or Jim is home and looking after her I go upstairs and have a break and enjoy spending time doing some work instead of feeling guilty about it.

Feeling comfortable saying 'no' - I'm so used to helping people it is really hard to say 'no'. Particularly as part of the reason why I do it is because I get a great pleasure out of knowing that I am making a difference to that person's life. However, realising when you have to help yourself is important too because a burnt out Dany is going to be of no use to anybody. For probably the first time ever I booked a client in a day later than I could have done. I recognised that she would be fine and that I needed a night off. I am sure we both had a better session because of it as I was fresh and re-energised.
Feeling 'in tune' with yourself - I knew I had to do something because I definitely felt out of sync and I'm pleased to say that I'm now all tuned in again.

Reduced feeling of guilt and stress - All of the steps above have enabled me to feel like I'm doing the best by Evan, my work and me again so those feelings of guilt have almost gone. Looking forward to tomorrow night and having a date with my husband and this is the start of redressing the balance within our relationship too. And when I need an extra boost I'll do my own Stress Buster and Progressive Relaxation mp3 (I tell everyone else to).

And the best thing of all......

I got a cleaner / ironing lady. It took me weeks to get my head round it but once I saw that it gave me a whole morning back to enjoy being with Evan I knew my decision was made.

Inga starts tomorrow and I am so excited I went out and bought her a new mop, bucket and cleaning cloths :-)

It really is the simple things in life that make us happy!!

250 kg Russian Woman has healthy baby

2009-05-20T01:14:00.000-07:00

This is a fantastic story for proving that when a doctor gives a woman the news that she will NEVER get pregnant, that it is a physical IMPOSSIBILITY, they just really don't know. I know it is the nature of their work to manage expectations but unfortunately they are in such a position of power that they can inadvertently, through negative hypnosis, create the very diagnosis they are giving to these women - infertility.

Information in the subconscious (the part of us that runs the body and controls the woman's reproductive mechanisms) is protected by a critical factor of the brain - much like a door. When we have a strong emotional response to something, ie a respected doctor giving the message that you will never get pregnant, that door gets opened and suggestions can very easily be planted (unfortunately negative as well as positive). Alot of the HypnoFertility work I have to do is clearing up the mess that these negative suggestons have made.

The heavyweight mum, Nonna M, suffers from a hormonal disorder and has wanted a baby for over 16 years. Irina Osadcheva, deputy head of a Moscow maternity clinic, explained that “as a rule women over 150kg have such severe hormonal irregularities they simply can’t get pregnant – whose rule is that then? Has Mother Nature written a rule book I’ve never had the pleasure of reading?

Doctor's advised that Nonna M had an abortion due to the health risks associated with her weight. Luckily for her and her baby she decided to see the pregnancy through. This could lead me on to another discussion about how Doctors like to deal with problems in pregnancy and childbirth before they have actually occurred (prevention is better than cure they say – but for whom? In this case there would be no new baby) but I’ll leave that for another day.

You can read more about this story at http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/05/19/heavyweight_mum/

Scottish Public Health Minister Shona Robison standing up for Mother Nature

2009-05-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

It appears that if you live in Scotland you will have a much easier time having a natural birth than other women in the UK. Although sad that a guidance has to be written for doctors and midwives to stay out of mother nature’s business at least in Scotland something is being done.

Although I’d like to pick up on a few points I made whilst reading the article

http://www.scotland.gov.uk/News/Releases/2009/05/12094102

The article states that women with low-risk pregnancies are to be offered more choice and control over giving birth, as a result of these new guidelines.

Interesting to me that although this sounds positive, it still implies that there are times when a woman does not have a choice. They also give no indication of what they mean by ‘low-risk’. During HypnoBirthing® classes I teach my couples that they ALWAYS have a choice. That they have a right to ask questions! That they should have the opportunity to become well informed, have all of the facts given to them in a calm, measured way and then make decisions based on what is right for them and their baby. Everyone is different in terms of what they want and indeed where there levels of comfort lie. I would not presume to force my opinion on them and I don’t believe midwives or doctors should either.

The Keeping Childbirth Natural and Dynamic (KCND) guidance for doctors and midwives has stated that it will ensure midwives are the lead carers for women who have safe, low-risk pregnancies and births - the majority of women giving birth in Scotland.

Scottish Public Health Minister Shona Robison recently launched the guidance as she opened Perth Royal Infirmary's Women's Clinic and Midwife Unit.

She said:

"Pregnancy and birth are normal and natural. Most women have a straightforward, uncomplicated pregnancy and labour and don't need intense medical intervention.

What does she mean by intense? Why would there be a need for any intervention in a straightforward uncomplicated pregnancy and labour?

"Having a midwife as the main carer is totally appropriate for them, and it's also the best way to ensure that a woman is in control of her own pregnancy and care options.

And in control of her own labour and birth too I would hope!

"Scotland leads the way in putting women at the heart of care and supporting normal births. Most health boards already work this way, but the introduction of these guidelines will ensure the same high standard of care everywhere.

Bravo! – I hope that I have some Scottish readers who can relay some positive stories to back this up and you never know this strange idea that labour and birth are normal for the majority of women may just spread.

"Women whose pregnancies are assessed as being higher-risk will have their care led by an obstetrician and all women will continue to have the choice of where and how their pregnancy will be cared for."

Will the ‘higher-risk’ – whatever that might mean (I hear of women being put under higher-risk obstetrician care because they are 36 – oh sooooooooo old to be having a baby) definitely still have that choice?

The KCND clinical guidelines have been prepared by NHS Quality Improvement Scotland. This work included a three-month consultation. They represent the latest phase in the implementation of the programme, which was introduced in 2007.

So this is not completely new. If anyone out there can let me know what your experience of midwife / medical care is or was like during your pregnancy and birth I’d be very interested to hear your comments.

66 year old woman pregnant through IVF

2009-05-18T02:01:00.000-07:00

Divorced Elizabeth Adeney will become the oldest woman to give birth in Britain when she has her baby sometime next month.

I'm sure many people will have an opinion on whether or not this is fair on the child. I had Evan when I was 39 which I do not consider old but I do feel a little sad that I will have just celebrated my 60th as she turns 21. But then I married a toy boy so I'll just continue living my life through his age as no-one ever believes how old I am anyway.

The positive I take from this story though is that she GOT pregnant albeit using donor eggs but with so many women being told they are TOO OLD to get pregnant at 40 this can at least promote confidence that the biological clock has got a lot more tick tock in it than some would have us believe.

Now that's what I call a 'Very Special Delivery'

2009-05-17T08:26:00.001-07:00

Postman Pat could not have done a better job himself.

This story put a smile on my face.

Sonia Nascimento gave birth to a healthy baby girl in her local post office proving I guess that 'baby will come when baby is ready'!

I particularly loved the mothers words - ‘I tried to be calm because I know how these things happen because Alberto, my eldest, was the same way– but at home.’ This is most probably why her daughter was born so easily. The staff took Sonia through to the back room and, just three minutes later, Baby Dulce was born weighing 5lb 15oz or should I say £8.22 (the cost of her weight as a first class parcel).

It is fear that actually changes the hormones within a woman's body causing the muscles of the uterus to constrict and tighten during labour rather than relaxing. This quite simply is what causes the great discomfort you hear of when women talk about their difficulties during childbirth. During HypnoBirthing classes couples learn that when a mother is relaxed, calm and in control she enables the muscles of her uterus to work in harmony as they are designed to do. They then learn a variety of techniques in order to enable them to maintain this sense of calm and go on to have comfortable birthing experiences.

Panayiotis Zavos: 'I can clone a human being'

2009-05-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago a documentary was shown on the Discovery Channel showing the controversial fertility expert Panayiotis Zavos creating cloned embryos and then injecting them into the wombs of women who were open to having a cloned baby.

The cloning technique he uses is the same as was used to create Dolly the sheep in 1996.

There is huge debate from scientists and ethicists, many of whom have united in their attack of Zavos' fertility plan but I don't intend to get involved in that myself at this time. My reasons for posting on this subject come from two very simple thoughts that were prompted by an article I read and the emotions I felt as I was reading it.

A quote from the article reads:

"I get enquiries every day. To date we have had over 100 enquiries and every enquiry is serious. The criteria is that they have to consider human reproductive cloning as the only option available to them after they have exhausted everything else," Dr Zavos said.

My simple response to this is does Dr. Zavos include in that how the mind is affecting the body? I learnt HypnoFertility from a wonderful woman called Lynsi Eastburn and she relayed many stories of how medical personal had given couples the news that they will NEVER have a baby and that it was a physical impossibility for them do so. But Lynsi had then gone on to work with these women and they had become pregnant. I myself have worked with women who have been told; your body is on the edge of menopause, your eggs are of such poor quality you will never conceive, you will never become pregnant, and so on. Many have gone on to become pregnant after having undergone HypnoFertility with me. The mind plays such an important part in conceiving. In fact the subconscious mind runs the body and is therefore controlling whether or not a woman can become pregnant. So if the mind isn't considered during a couples journey towards having a baby then all options have NOT been exhausted.

But the article is not just talking about helping couples have their long sought after baby.

The part of the article that affected me the most deeply began with the sub-title "The little girl who could 'live' again". This was referring to a little girl called Cady who died aged 10 in a car crash in the US. Her blood cells were frozen and sent to Dr Zavos who produced cloned human-animal hybrid embryos from them. Dr Zavos said that cells from Cady's "embryo" could in the future be fused with an empty human egg, producing a human embryo, that could then be transferred into the womb to produce Cady's clone. Cady's mother said she would sanction this if there was a chance the clone of her little girl could be born.

I find this story so incredibly sad. I am crying just even trying to write this post. First of all of course the loss of a child. It is utterly inconceivable and no-one would ever want to imagine the pain of this. However, to then go on and look for ways of cloning that child just sends the horror of Stephen King's Pet Sematary right through me. I wonder what there reasons would be for doing this? They cannot bring back the unique child that they lost by cloning her. This will of course be a different child. Is there a comfort in knowing that a new child is part of the one they lost - maybe, I have no idea? Does the pain of losing Cady become any less. I would sadly guess no. This is more than helping a couple have a child this is surely aimed at helping replace the loss of another child. Something that I'm sure Cady's parents will be the first to tell us that you just cannot do.

And here I find myself unwittingly joining the ethics debate.

Most horrifying of all for me is the total understanding I have of what could drive Cady's parents and the character Louis Creed in Pet Sematary towards the making of such decisions.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body" - Elizabeth Stone

Quick post for a quick birth

2009-05-12T09:38:00.001-07:00

This is a text that I've just received from one of my clients:

"Austin arrived at 22:34 on 6th. Midwife only just made it in time! Stage 2 - 9 mins, I woke at 21:30!" :-)

Ah! The power of HypnoBirthing

Always takes my breath away

2009-05-09T23:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I was in the middle of getting ready for that day's HypnoBirthing course. It was just before 9am when the phone rang and as I picked it up I heard a quiet voice say "hello Dany I'm pregnant". As I sit and write this now I'm having the same reaction I had then I've gone all goose bumpy and feel as though I'm going to cry. No matter how many times I get that call from one of my fertility clients it always takes my breath away. I can hear the disbelief in their voices. Most have been through many, many years of trying, often having done countless other complementary methods and had many attempts at assisted fertility treatment. To finally get that second line appear on the pregnancy test or to actually see the word PREGNANT if they have used a digital one is quite unbelievable to them. I am so proud and lucky to be part of these women's journey's towards having their beautiful babies.

HypnoFertility is truly amazing!

Did the sun go to my head?

2009-05-02T11:25:00.001-07:00

What a beautful day it was today!

My lovely hubby (Jim), gorgeous daughter (Evan) and I went off to buy a new car today. We're used to being a two car family. Nothing flashy, two reliable workhorses - both old girls. A Citreon ZX Aura and a 5 Series BMW Estate (I don't know much about cars but this had a nice big powerful engine so it could go very fast which made Jim happy. It also had a nice big boot which made me happy). Now I say had because sadly a few months ago our lovely beema developed a rather shocking noise. On further investigation it was discovered that it would cost £1k to have her fixed, a cost we decided was too much for a 15 year old car.

So Jim's research began. He wanted a fun, fast, powerful car, preferably a convertible. I wanted a big boot. He sent me many, many, many emails of I have to agree lovely cars but the cost was always too high, as was the mileage and the age of the car. And they didn't have a big boot.

And then we got to yesterday and he sent me an email of a lovely car. Good price, excellent mileage, age ok, fun, fast and a convertible. Now I don't know if over the months he has worn me down but I found myself agreeing to go and have a look at it. And so off we went.

So did I get my nice big boot I hear you ask?

Well.......

We bought a 2 seater MGF convertible (to replace a BMW Estate hahahhahahahaha - I'm rolling around the floor laughing as I write this) so NO!!!!!!

But it is a beautiful colour red :-) xx

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