Never fear mummy is here

By the time Evan and I left her swimming lesson on Sunday around 6:15 pm, being November it was of course already dark and on this particular evening it was also very foggy. As we approached the car Evan said she was frightened of the tree worried that it could poke her in the eye. I of course reassured her and pointed out that we were too far from the tree for that to happen. Once settled in the car Evan said she was frightened that the tree would follow us and come into her bedroom and hurt her. Once again I sought to reassure her saying that the tree couldn't do this because it was rooted in the ground. We had a further chat about why the tree needed its roots, etc and then Evan fell quiet for a few moment. She then said "I wish I was a mummy and then I wouldn't be frightened any more". This of course made my heart twinge but at the same time I was glad that she believed I was strong.

Little does she know of course that being a mum is often one of the most frightening things and that fear can attack you at every corner if you let it. Particularly, if like me you grew up being fearful of everything and worrying all of the time. I believe that my early life was impacted by the fact that my dad died whilst my mum was 8 months pregnant with me, I strongly believe her strong negative emotions left a lasting imprint on me that has taken many, many years to resolve (well almost).

The first turning point for me was my hypnotherapy / counseling course at 30 when I started to look at the world through different eyes. My training in HypnoBirthing and HypnoFertility taught me more about fear and its impact on the body and from then on I've spent the last couple of years researching emotions which has led me to co-create the Feel good Look good programme.

I always practice what I preach and use the techniques that I teach all of the time in order to ensure that I am living in the now and enjoying life as much as I can.

I hope Evan's fears are just normal small child concerns as she is learning about the world. I teach her kiddy versions of the techniques that I teach to adults which help her to relax and use her imagination positively. She in turns uses them back at me when she sees me getting tense or anxious ;-).

That evening I told her about the Magic Faraway Tree that I used to love reading about when I was a little girl and that I would share great stories with her about the adventures that were had at the top of that tree. She smiled and snuggled down to sleep.

We had moved from fear to understanding to feeling good.

I wish I'd been taught these things earlier but our experiences make us wiser and I know that I have a positive impact on many peoples lives and that makes me feel good.

If you are sitting reading this feeling that you could also benefit from learning more about how to focus on the positive and enjoy life more, you may find that the Feel good Look good programme is for you.

Elf on the Shelf

Yesterday I was speaking to my good friend Clare and she mentioned that there would be elves visiting her house from the 1st December. Intrigued, I asked to hear more about these special guests and loved what she told me. All those will little ones I think will love it too and so I asked her to write a blog post for me.

Enjoy!

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The word Christmas is usually banned until after my birthday on the 30th November. This year I am so excited that I have been planning some December fun for quite some time now…Elvish fun and the start of a truly magical tradition.

Stolen from my sister in law in the USA – the idea is to have an Elf/Elves visit from Santa to see who is being “naughty or nice”. I actually thought it would be a great way to promote positive behavior and for the Elves to bring lots of fun activities for cold and wet December days. I also want lots of Elf activities to be about giving to others and not just about receiving. One of the planned activities will be to make cookies and take them to the local old people’s home. Not forgetting the Elves will be bringing lots of mischief too.

Some people’s Elves arrive with a note from Santa; along with an advent calendar- this is what one lady did for her children last year:

***Every year, our elves find new ways to show up at our house. We always ask Santa in our letters in November if Fielding and Collette can come to visit. This year we went to a local store and purchased our live Christmas tree, which the store wrapped in the netting to pack on our car. Amazingly, when we got home and cut off the netting, the elves were inside the tree! My son and daughter are still wondering how they knew which tree we would pick. And they look forward to the mischief their elf friends might do each day.

I have already started to sew the seed, I have told my girls, Hannah and Madelaine that really good children get a visit from Elves and they stay until Christmas Eve (when they disappear back to Santa!). Each activity day the elves will leave a note, for example: the day we put up the tree I thought the “ naughty Elves” would be hiding in the tree and put the girls socks on the tree- the girls will have to re decorate.

Other activities:

Snowball fight between toys (using cotton wall balls)

Cooking including finding a shopping list with money to buy the ingredients

Christmas cooking with Christmas aprons de-rigor

Making Christmas decorations

Making Christmas Cards

Bubble bath with snowflakes

Donating old toys to a charity shop

One morning the girls might find a Christmas coloring book another instructions to find a duster to help Mum tidy ;-)

My mum has brought the girls tickets to see an ice skating show- these tickets will be found in the clutches of their elves.

We are also collecting the girls Aunty from the airport on the 21st Dec- I am the only one to know about this in the family so again will have to get the elves involved. This will be a HUGE surprise!!

Decorating the windows with snowflakes

I am also hoping for some real snow for some outdoor elf fun

I am on a budget this year- all the activities have unashamedly come from Poundland the Elves from M & S at £8 -they are very cute (Just need to find some Elf names). Below are some sites where you can grab some adorable Elves and ideas, which are endless!

http://www.elf-magic.com

http://www.elf-magic.com/ideas.htm

http://www.elfontheshelf.com

http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1319261/Looking_for_quot_Elf_Mischief_quot_need_ideas

As for me, roll on December so I pull on my red and white stripy tights and bring on the Elvish fun. Ho Ho Ho!

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Thanks Clare, I am really excited about our little elf visitor now too, though not so sure I will be pulling on any red and white stripy tights ;-)

Is it possible to have a comfortable birth following induction?

During my HypnoBirthing courses and Hypno 4 Birth sessions I discuss with my clients the benefits of questioning the necessity of being induced should the subject arise. This is important whether induction comes up due to concerns about mums or babies health or just because mum has reached a certain point in her pregnancy that is considered overdue.

The reason it is important to ask questions is so that should you then decide that yes it is the right choice for you and your baby to be induced, that you and your partner have been the ones who have made that decision, you haven't felt like you've just been told that it has to be a certain way.

In turn this is important because by being the ones to make the decisions you maintain control over your baby's birth. When you are in control of a situation you remain much more positive emotionally and this can make all the difference when preparing for labour following induction.

A useful booklet to help with your discussions can be found on the AIMS website 'Induction - Do I really need it?'

So having made the decision that it is right for you to be induced, you will now want to make sure that you give yourself the best possible chance to remain comfortable and continue to maintain that sense of control. There are therefore a number of things that you will want to discuss with your medical provider before induction commences:

1. Find out what the procedure will be?
2. Find out how you will be monitored and explain that you will want to be as mobile as possible.
3. Ask if your partner is able to stay with you? If no questions why not?
4. If it is not possible then ensure that your partner is on the other end of the phone and call him when you need him. Explain to your medical provider that this is what you will do.
5. Explain that as soon as your body has taken over that you want artificial support to be stopped.
6. Ask for understanding and patience with regards to your hypnosis preparation and that you do not want suggestions for pain relief. That you will ask for it should you want it.

The main issue with induction is that the body is jumped to the more intense surges and therefore you do not have the same time in which to prepare physically and emotionally. The endorphins do not then get the same opportunity to build as in a natural progression of labour. You will therefore need to do this BEFORE induction commences.

This is where all of your hypnosis practice will come to the fore. Make sure that you have entered a deep state of relaxation before anything gets started. Focus on your breathing, 54321 relax will help with that to start with. Then use your farourite hypnosis CD/mp3 for entering and maintaining your state of trance. The Tums 2 Mums Glove Relaxation mp3 is particularly useful for this purpose as it is deliberately written to take you into a deep state of trance and to over-stimulate your endorphins. Remember when your endorphins are fully present from the onset of labour and are maintained throughout they will help prevent pain signals from being transmitted to the brain.

The role of advocate and protector of the birth is particularly important when a mum has been induced as often one form of intervention can lead to another. Asking questions should that occur will again ensure that you maintain control over your birthing experience.

I have had hypnomummies choose to be induced and go on to have great births. Taking control by being the ones to decide that induction is right for them and preparation are the key to their success.

Learn Self Hypnosis with free mp3

It has been a ridiculously long time since I've sat down and wrote a blog entry. I have no excuses. Yes I have been busy, both professionally and personally, but I cannot deny that there would have been periods during which I could have found time to post. However, as I am a big promotor of living in the now, I will not ponder on the lack of commitment to my blog over the past year but will instead talk to you about something more exciting, self hypnosis!

It is wonderful to have sessions with a hypnotherapist who can help facilitate great changes in your life but that change always comes with personal responsibility. Every course of treatment, must include teaching self hypnosis, in order for clients to be able to tap into this wonderful resource without the aid of another person or always having to listen to a hypnosis session on a CD or mp3.

There are many different ways of entering the state of hypnosis but one of my favourites when teaching my clients is simply the "journey to your special place". Now to make it easy for you, I have recorded the session I do with my clients as it is the easiest way to learn, but the intention in the session is to learn how to do it yourself and not to rely on the mp3 in order to reach the state of trance (in fact I don't give my clients the mp3 so mums-the-word ;-)).

When working with the subconscious it becomes the most engaged when we use our senses widely and therefore this technique follows 3 signposts; a relaxing image, a calming sound and a positive feeling. You will then be directed to a wide staircase that will either be going up or d0wn, you will know when you get there. The staircase is an indicator to the subconscious that you are ready to move more deeply into trance. However, don't look for a shift as this will have the opposite effect by engaging the conscious brain and thereby bringing you out of trance. Just know that it will happen on a subconscious level, trust that it will happen. The steps will direct you to your special place and you may by now be wondering what that is.

Your special place is a place that you may have been to before, a place you'd like to go or completely make believe. It is up to you, it is simply a place that you can imagine yourself relaxing and enjoying being there, and you can simply choose to go to your special place just to relax and escape for a while. But, if I left it there then I would be selling hypnosis very short, as once you are in the state of trance you have the ability to make some very profound changes in your life.

The mp3 will therefore guide you to find a door. This is a special door as it always knows where you need to go when you open it and pass through and you will then be given some ideas of how you might use this wonderful state of hypnosis.

And I will leave the blog entry there for now to give you some time to listen to the mp3 and explore some uses of self-hypnosis for yourself. Once you've done that leave me some comments with your thoughts and perhaps what else you may like to learn about utilising the state of trance and I in turn will respond with a further blog entry on using self-hypnosis.

Enjoy!

Fertility Focus Telesummit 2011

Women who come to me for fertility support are normally completely overwhelmed not only by the difficult emotions they are having to deal with, but also with the different types of help and treatment that are available to them, both medical and complementary. I of course appreciate that I am included within that but at this point they are sitting in my therapy room having already decided that I can help. I am sure however that many of the readers of my blog will still be at that stage of indecision and not quite knowing which route to take and I'm sure in a sense who to trust as well.

Of course everyone will tell you that what they have to offer will improve your chances and it is hard to know where to start and what to do for the best. Every individual is different and therefore what works for one may not work for another, what you may be drawn to another person may simply dismiss. And from a hypnotherapists perspective (well mine anyway) following what feels right is a good barometer for taking a certain route. That feeling, often known as our gut instinct, is amazing at knowing what we want and need (our conscious analytical side of our brain often talks us out of it though, but that's a post for another day) and a useful side effect is that the the more you believe something will work for you the more chances you have that it will.

But it can be so time consuming to research lots of different types of support and as I said earlier completely overwhelming and this is where the Fertility Focus Telesummit 2011 comes in. And the good news is that you can attend this amazing “virtual event” at no cost!

The telesummit will feature fertility experts from around the world sharing their knowledge and insights on a wide range of fertility subjects. You can listen in to all the information-packed presentations either online or over the phone every day of the telesummit, starting on March 21st.

Click here to find out more about the Fertility Focus Telesummit 2011 including details of all the experts who will be covering a different aspect of infertility and offering great advice, ideas and solutions.

If you then decide that this event is a great way to help you move further towards becoming a parent you can book your place if you wish. Remember it won't cost you a penny.

I hope you find this useful and if you know anyone else who is struggling with fertility issues, please send them a link to this blog in case they are interested too.

Free Birth Affirmations mp3

What you spend time thinking about dictates the choices you make and therefore the actions you take which in turn leads to consequences. Whatever point you are in your life right now is a result of choices you have made in the past. Whatever you get in the future will be the result of choices you make now. Your choices are determined by what you think about therefore you are in control of what happens to you in your life by what you tell yourself your thoughts.

Taking responsibility for what you believe, your thoughts and therefore your actions is a big step forward in achieving the birth that you want (and I would go so far to say the life you want). But there has to be a desire to change. We naturally learn to filter out anything that doesn’t fit with a particular belief so what we expect is what we end up getting. If you are convinced that birth will be difficult and you believe that there is nothing you can do to change that then you may not have the motivation to look for different ways to approach your birth preparations, engaging in horror stories and negative images of birth and dwelling on negative thoughts. My guess however would be that you are at least at a point where you believe that birth does not necessarily have to be that way otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading my blog.

Affirmations provide a structured way to practise new thoughts, and a lovely starting point for helping you transform any negative beliefs about labour and birth, which is why I've decided to give this mp3 away for free.

Daily practice is necessary to become competent but in time positive thoughts about birthing will become your new habits of thinking in turn supporting your chances of achieving the birth you seek.

Taken from the Tums 2 Mums Hypno 4 Birth Programme. If you like to find out more about this programme please click here.

Flip a coin technique

Sometimes when I am working with a client they find that the cancel technique is not enough to help them move from a place of negativity and worry to one of positive thought. And I can appreciate that when you are really low, it is not always easy to imagine a wonderful event or experience in your life, just because you know that by doing so you are no longer able to focus on all your concerns and worries. It is just too big a leap!

The good news however is that there is another very simple yet powerfully effective way of diluting the worries. I call it the 'flip a coin' technique.

The idea is that your negative and positive thoughts about a particular subject are actually two sides of the same coin.

• So you start off on the negative side of the coin and 'ALLOW' yourself to feel all that negativity as much as you do - really experience it in that moment. Then you flip the coin over and whilst on the positive side you IMAGINE the BEST it can possibly be. The absolute BEST in can be - in that moment.

• Then flip the coin back over again and notice that you feel different - it may be slight but you DO feel differently.

• Then once again, feel whatever negativity there is in the moment - how you feel right now. Then flip the coin back over and once again IMAGINE the BEST it can possibly be. The absolute BEST in can be - in that moment.

• Then flip the coin back over and once again notice that you feel different - perhaps noticing a bit more of a difference this time.

• Then once again feel whatever negativity there is. Then flip the coin back over and once again IMAGINE the BEST it can possibly be. The absolute BEST it can be - in that moment.

• Then flip the coin back over and once again notice that you feel different - by now you will becoming quite amazed at how effective this technique is.

Simply carry on flipping the coin from one side to the next until you have completely watered down the negativity and are feeling positive once again.

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This is one of many ways I support my clients both face-to-face and using Skype. If you would like to know more please visit my website www.tums2mums.com