The Law of Attraction and where have I been?

Before I begin this post I just want to say sorry it has been such a long time coming. It is a shame that I've not had time to post recently but on the positive side that is because I've been incredibly busy supporting couples through Fertility, Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond. I wrote earlier in the year that I wanted harmony in my life and through writing that post came to realise that of course I could have that any time by creating harmony in my life. So I made my peace with not having the time to post on my blog and let it be for a while.

Then recently Jim (my husband) and I have embarked on a journey of abundance through following a workbook on the Law of Attraction. I often say that I always get what I need, when I need it and that I use the Law of Attraction whenever I want more clients (and it works) but when how it worked finally clicked with Jim he decided that I had not been thinking big enough.

So every day we work on abundance - more wealth, more health, more vitality, more love, more time, more energy, more, more more and more.....(you get the idea) and it is working, so here I am with the time to write in my blog.

So whilst I am here let me share with you what got Jim and I all fired up on the wider application of The Law of Attraction and it is a book quite simply named "The Law of Attraction" by Esther and Jerry Hicks

Three words – A MUST READ!

In the foreword we read “I’m telling you that you are holding in your hands the best proof you could ever give yourself that the Law of Attraction is real, is effective, and produces physical outcomes in the real world”. Now I 100% believe in the Law of Attraction and have seen the proof of it myself time and time again but even I had to smile to myself at this because it sounded so clichéd. But I was smiling in a whole different way when I began to read the book and realised that it was all about emotions. I have over the last few months been doing a great deal of research into emotions but had not expected on buying this book that this would be part of that research, so yes it was indeed more proof of the law of attraction for me.

If I’m honest I wasn’t really expecting to read anything new but oh how I was wrong. In an amazingly simple read you really are giving the tools and instructions to make wonderful changes in your life. As a hypnotherapist understanding how being fully engaged in something will sidetrack the conscious, analytical mind making suggestions more easily acceptable, I would go as far as to say that the words on the page were hypnotic because of the emotions that they evoked. I have found that since reading the book I am making changes in my every day life not by trying, not through any hard work but simply because they make sense.

I have created such excitement around the book that not only are Jim and I on this journey of abundance but my sister is now reading it, a friend keeps asking when it will be available for her to read and another friend has bought her own copy. I've now bought two spare copies just so I can give it out to friends when I get them excited about it and I can’t wait to discuss it with them all.

There will be those that are not ready to read this book but to those I would say find something small to test out what you are reading, once you have succeeded with that test out something else and then something else and so on.

There maybe others that might be put off by the idea that the message is channelled through Esther and are in fact the teachings of Abraham. To those I would say let go of where the message has come from and focus on the teachings themselves.

I can’t rave about this book enough. I feel the need to repeat – A MUST READ!

So there it is a short, simple post that I hope you enjoy and take something from. I've got another post brewing in my mind so there won't be quite such a long wait for the next one :-).

Living Fully in the Present Moment

It has been quite some time since I've been able to sit down quietly and write a blog entry. I've been so busy running around after Evan (quite literally sometimes), seeing clients, running courses, writing new materials for my online shop, seeing friends, being a wife, a daughter, a mum, etc, etc, etc...... often all at the same time.

But then something stopped me in my tracks and made me really want to write a new blog entry (although I must confess it has taken me over a week to get round to doing it). And what was that something I hear you ask..... Well I was driving home after dropping Evan off at nursery, it is a 30 minutes drive so I often get lost in thoughts of everything that I have to do but as I keep missing my turn offs when I do this (I have a habit of just driving in a straight line when I get too distracted, it must be my subconscious way of keeping me safe) I decided to turn the radio on.

I'm a big Chris Moyles fan so I went straight for Radio 1 but they were about to do the 'car park challenge' which I hate so I switched over and found myself on Radio 2. Now my poor mum has not been able to cope since she lost her cherished Terry Wogan for Chris Evans so I thought I'd stick around for a while and have a listen and find out what she keeps complaining about. I'm not sure whether I caught him on a tame day or he's getting old and just seems tame compared to Moyles but I started enjoying the show (so maybe I'm getting old alongside him).

Anyway back to what stopped me in my tracks. He had a guest on the show talking about how at a recent conference he'd attended he'd noticed how so many people were using their Blackberrys, and Iphones and were texting, emailing and tweeting rather than giving their focussed attention to the speaker. He went on to say that some recent research carried out by neuroscientists in an American University have found that we are not wired up to multi task. That our brains have limited capacity for processing information and it is impossible to focus on 2 things at the same time and be fully responsive to what is going on. Now this is not news to me as a hypnotherapist and one of the first things I teach my clients is that they can't focus on two thoughts at the same time and how the cancel technique uses this to their advantage. The thing that struck me was when he said that he felt that this was very much in line with the ancient wisdom that we should try and live fully in the present moment.

I hate the word should and I hate the word try and this sentence made me fully realise why. Like so many people I am constantly multi-tasking and not really giving enough attention to specific things. This 'should' made me feel guilty and the 'try' made me feel like a failure (which is why I won't let my clients use these words). So once I'd learned what I needed to from these emotions I decided that the next day I would live in the present moment (I had to get my head round it first ;-)).

My biggest sense of guilt came from not being in the present moment when I was with Evan and as it was Tuesday and we always have a morning at home together I started with her. To fully appreciate this I need to take you on a little side story (hopefully you are used to the way I ramble on by now). Evan has been getting quite 'pushy' around other kids, we thought it had stopped so I was very upset to find it had started again. When I got home from dropping her at the nursery I did a search for google "desperate mum kid hitting" - now I realise as I write this I could have got any number of odd results but as often is the case I found exactly what I was looking for, and what I learned very clearly highlighted that I would need to be fully in the present moment to make any of it work. So every time I was with Evan for the next two days I was completely in the moment with her and do you know what, we had sooooooooo much fun. She hadn't suddenly become perfect but I did the things that I'd learned and every time instead of a battle of wills we'd end up laughing. And what's more when I arrived to pick Evan up from nursery on Thursday (she goes on Monday and Thursday mornings) Evan had earned a huge star for playing so nicely and the staff commented on what a change they'd seen in her.

I must confess I've slipped a little and I've seen a change in Evan's behaviour so tomorrow I choose again to be fully in the present moment whenever I am with her. My aim is to keep practicing until it becomes second nature to do this around her and in turn in other areas of my life. I would add at this point that this doesn't mean she has to have 100% of my attention 100% of the time (to learn more about what I've been doing have a read for yourself and watch the video clip at the end).

There is so much distraction in our lives but apart from the wonderful change I saw in Evan I was amazed to find that I didn't get any less done and I had so much more energy. It is bloody tiring multi-tasking and now it has been proving why - we are actually overloading our circuits when we are doing it.

I'd love to read your comments on this - whether you've given this post your full and focussed attention or have been multi-tasking whilst reading let me know your thoughts.

Using Real Nappies

The title of this blog entry is a little misleading because you might have thought that I was about to tell you all about using them. Sadly it isn't because as much as I thought about it before I had Evan I just never built up enough confidence to give them a go. Sadly I met the lovely Johanna who is going to be heading up the Bexley Real Nappy Network when I was already months into using disposables and with my pressures of running Tums 2 Mums and having a tiny baby I couldn't get my head round making the switch.

My biggest concern was would I be able to keep on top of the washing of them and more importantly the drying of them but chatting with Johanna I found that nappies have come a very, very long way and that some of the brands in particular dry incredibly quickly. My other concern was would I be able to deal with having to wash poopy nappies but another chat with Johanna made me realise that most of it just gets dropped down the toilet. To be honest Evan was so long and skinny that she was always squirting out of her nappies and virtually every day I was having to scrub poop out of her clothes so I didn't escape.

So there you are that is my confession, I wish I had made the switch but I didn't so instead I'm hoping to help at least mums and mums-to-be in reach of Bexley to find out more by attending the event detailed below. If you are not near Bexley though check out your local area because there will be someone, somewhere willing and able to help you find out more.

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Bexley Real Nappy Network (BRNN)

During Real Nappy Week (26th April – 2nd May) The London Borough of Bexley will be launching Bexley Real Nappy Network.

We would like to invite you to attend the launch of Bexley Real Nappy Network.

Bexley Real Nappy Network (BRRN) will launch on:

Wednesday 28th April 10.30am – 1.30pm at Danson Children’s Centre, Brampton Road.

There will be fun nappy events, stalls and tea and cakes.

The aim of the Bexley Real Nappy Network (BRNN) is to promote real nappies and provide support for parents using cloth nappies. We hope this network will give parents a chance to gain practical tips on how to use cloth nappies and share their experience of using different types of cloth nappies. BRNN will also offer a nappy library and second hand nappy exchange. As a member of BRNN you will receive a quarterly newsletter with nappy information and advice.

The BRRN launch will provide you with an opportunity to sign up to the network – there is no cost.

During real nappy week we will also be promoting Real Nappies for London’s voucher scheme by running stalls in the Broadway.

The Mall, in the Broadway Shopping Centre, Bexleyheath:

Monday 26 April 10.30am – 1.30pm

Tuesday 27 April 10.30am – 1.30pm

If you would like more information please contact:

Helen Barclay / Maria Migdal 020 8303 7777 option 1.

Bexley Real Nappy Network: bexleyrealnappynwk@tiscali.co.uk

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I will be there with a little Tums 2 Mums stall so if you do attend please come and say hello :-)

Suspension of home birth and specialist midwifery services in E Sussex

This is a message that was sent to me by Louise Wilby, Independent Midwives UK that I believe is worth sharing for any of my readers based in this area considering a Home Birth.

_______________________________________________________

Dear All

Excuse the length of this message but the AIMS info is very helpful in telling us what we can do and how to do it.... please pass it on to all those interested in protecting normal birth ( I also have it as a word document if that is useful)

Very best wishes

Louise

ASSOCIATION FOR IMPROVEMENTS IN THE MATERNITY SERVICES

http://www.facebook.com/l/35dad;www.aims.org.uk

Email: Chair@aims.org.uk

Home birth – withdrawal of services

The Association for Improvements in the Maternity Services has been informed that the East Sussex Health Trust has unilaterally decided to revoke the home birth and specialist midwifery service.

This, apparently, is due to ‘staffing levels’ and the Trust has also revoked the ‘specialist midwife roles’ who are required to be ‘put back into the mainstream units’.

In 2000 the Nursing and Midwifery Council issued a statement about home births in which it

States:

‘It is for the individual trust/health board to decide what type of maternity service it will provide. The service is expected to be one which is responsible to local requirements and, as far as home births are concerned, it is understood that a blanket policy of ‘no home births’ would not be acceptable to the maternity services in England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales.’

It further states:

‘While the employed midwife has a contractual duty to her employer, she also has a professional duty to provide midwifery care for women and would not wish to leave a woman in labour at home unattended, thus placing her at risk at a time when competent midwifery care is essential.’

Many Trusts have had staffing problems for a long time and have done little or nothing to resolve it. The Chief Executive, therefore, should be asked to produce the following information:

• How many Full-time (FTE) equivalent midwives are required?
• How many FTE’s are in post?
• How many FTE vacancies are there?

The figures are required for each year from 2005 to 2010.

It is presumed that the Trust’s action has been caused by a midwifery shortage in the hospital. The solution, therefore, is to take steps to recruit more hospital midwives. It is unacceptable to put low risk women who have booked a home birth at additional risk of delivery in large, centralised, obstetric units.

The WHO has stated that there is no health improvement for either mother or baby when the caesarean section rates exceed 10%-15%. In the East Sussex area the caesarean section rates fluctuate from 21.8% to 27.7% more than double the recommended level. Numerous studies have shown that home birth is as safe as hospital birth for selected women. AIMS would argue that home birth is far safer than hospital deliveries as no studies have taken into account depression, infection, breastfeeding or post traumatic stress or the high levels of medical interventions and unnecessary or avoidable caesarean sections. (Young et al 2000; Chamberlain et al, 1997; Northern Region Perinatal Mortality Group, 1996); Weigers et al,1996; Ackermann-Liebrich et al, 1996).

It is unacceptable when faced with staffing problems in an obstetric unit to disband the home birth service, and deprive needy women of the specialist midwifery care that was established to help them. The problems with staffing need to be addressed seriously, and this will only be achieved when a community midwifery service is established by a Primary Care Trust, so that community midwives can focus of supporting normal birth and not be seen as stop-gap measure to be used when the Acute Units have staffing problems.

Any woman who is told that the home birth service has been suspended should write immediately to the Chief Executive, Darren Grayson, at East Sussex Health Trust, 729 The Ridge, St Leonards-on-Sea, TN37 7PT along the following lines:

_______________________________________________________

Dear

I have been informed that you have a shortage of midwives and that the home birth service has been withdrawn, so that I shall, therefore, have to come into hospital. I understand that it is Government policy that the NHS should support women who intend to birth at home. In a House of Commons debate (20 Dec, 2000) Lord Hunt of King's Heath stated: 'The Government want (sic) to ensure that, where it is clinically appropriate, if a woman wishes to have a home birth she should receive the appropriate support from the health service. At the end of the day, it must be the woman's choice'. This statement has received further support in the Government’s current document ‘Maternity Matters’.

Your midwives have been aware of my intention to give birth at home since ...(insert date). I have no intention of taking the additional risk of a hospital birth in order to alleviate your staff shortages, although I am prepared to transfer to hospital should a medical complication arise. I suggest that, if your hospital is short of midwives, you contact the Independent Midwives UK and arrange an extra-contractual referral.

I expect a midwife to attend when I call her in labour. Should a midwife not arrive and any untoward event occur that is related to your failure to respond to my needs and those of my baby, my family will take appropriate action and we shall hold you and the Director of Midwifery personally responsible for this failure and contact the Nursing and Midwifery Council.

It is important that as many people as possible are alerted to this so we suggest that you also write to the following and ask them to take action to ensure that a proper community midwifery service is provided for all women:

Your MP, you can find his address on: http://www.facebook.com/l/35dad;www.writetothem.com

• The Chair, Maternity Services Liaison Committee, c/o your local obstetric unit (every maternity unit should have a MSLC and you can check if your unit has one by ringing the Chief Executive and ask for the name of the Chair of the MSLC).

• Rt Hon Andy Burnham MP, Secretary of State for Health , Department of Health, Richmond House, 79 Whitehall, London, SW1A 2NS

• Christina Mackenzie, Nursing and Midwifery Council, 23 Portland Place, London, W1M 3AF

• Cathy Warwick, General Secretary, Royal College of Midwives, 15 Mansfield Street, London, W1G 9NH

• Your local County Councillor can be found on http://www.facebook.com/l/35dad;www.eastsussex.gov.uk

If, when you ring for a midwife when you are in labour, you are still told that a midwife cannot attend because they are short staffed, we suggest that you, or your partner, responds as follows:

'What is your name and your status? (Make a note of who it is). 'I have no intention of putting myself or my baby at risk of travelling in labour to the hospital and exposing us to the additional risks of a hospital delivery. If you fail to send a midwife and any untoward event occurs which can be attributed to your failure to provide a midwife you can rest assured that my family will take appropriate action'.

So far, in every case to date that we know of, the Trust has provided a midwife.

It is important that you alert as many people as possible to this problem. Do let AIMS know whether or not you achieved your home birth in the end. Email Chair@aims.org.uk

Valentines Competition

AND THE WINNERS ARE:

Elie (please email so I can send you your prize)

Joanne Ball

Chloe Chatnoi

@law4mumpreneurs

Marie

NOTE: As a special thank you for those of you who have entered this competition but not been lucky enough to win, I would like to offer you the opportunity of purchasing the programme for the amazing price of £26. If you are interested in this offer please email me at dany@tums2mums.com

Okay so I know that Valentines day is all about love and affection between intimate companions but for many that love culminates in having children so I thought it would be a lovely time to launch this competition. It also happens to coincide with the completion of a very exciting project and so the timing is perfect.

That project was the turning of my Hypnosis for Childbirth mp3s into a complete Hypno 4 Birth Home Study Programme. I have been busy putting together a workbook/manual that helps women understand more about the benefits of using these mp3s during childbirth and I've also done some re-writing/recording and added 2 additional mp3s.

As you work your way through the manual you will learn:

• How the muscles of the uterus are designed to work during labour and how fear and anxiety affect them working efficiently.
• How to change negative thinking habits and beliefs to positive ones that support your desire to have a calm, comfortable birth experience.
• How to tap into your own natural birthing instincts.
• What hypnosis is and what it isn't.
• The impact the mind and your imagination has upon your body and what you experience.
• A variety of techniques to use during your pregnancy to prepare your mind and body for a positive birth experience.
• How your birth companion can support you.
• How to use the techniques during labour and birth

The manual is supported by 8 mp3s and a relaxation plan to help you structure your practise. You will also be sent an invitation to my private Hyp 'n Happening Google Group where you can post any questions you may have and meet other mums and mums-to-be using hypnosis for their birth preparations.

The mp3s that you will receive are as follows:

• 5,4,3,2,1, relax which is already available as a free download so that you can find out if you enjoy listening to my voice.
• Cloak of Protection to protect you from outside negative influences (a new mp3 currently not available)
• Birth Affirmations which provide a structured way to practise new thoughts
• Natural Calm Progressive Relaxation.
• Glove Relaxation to learn how you can utilise the power of your mind and your imagination to change your experience of sensations within your body (re-written and newly recorded)
• Cushion of Comfort to stimulate your endorphins your body's natural pain relief.
• Surge with Sea Birth Rehearsal Imagery (a new mp3 currently not available).
• Fear and Emotional Release to help let go of any negative thinking and beliefs, to clear the way for your new positive thoughts that will lead to the acceptance that birth can indeed be a calm, comfortable experience that YOU are in control of.

All mp3s are accompanied by beautiful piano music written and recorded especially for me by Paul Herbert.

And the good news is that I have FIVE of these new Hypno Birth Home Study sets to GIVE AWAY. All you have to do is to write about this competition with a link to this page of my blog to let others know it is available. It might be that you are a member of a forum like NetMums, Baby Centre or Mums Like You, a keen Tweeter on Twitter or have your own blog.

Once you've done that comment on this post with the link to wherever you've written about the competition (or email me at dany@tums2mums.com with your link) so that I can add your name into the draw. The more links you place the more entries you will have into the draw (this can include different birth boards on the same forum).

And even if you are not pregnant why not do this for a friend. The opportunity to have a more positive birth experience is the best gift you could give them.

The competition will run for a month starting today (Valentines Day) and closing at midnight on 14th March (my Birthday - how appropriate) . The draw will be made on 15th March and winners names will be placed on the top of this blog entry (if your due date falls within this period and you would still like to benefit from this programme email me separately).

Please help me spread the word that birthing really can be a normal, natural, comfortable event for most women.

Harmony in mind and body

Regular readers to my blog and in fact anyone who knows me either professionally or personally will know that I strive to create harmony in the mind both for myself and others. In fact when my pal Claire Lancaster set me the task of writing about my Theme Word for 2010 I was drawn to writing about wanting more Harmony in my life.

However, of late I've begun wondering more about feeling harmony within my body. Recently I've had a lot of aches, very tense muscles and feeling bloated and then finally last week I put my back out. This hasn't happened since before I had Evan and was the final straw that made me realise that there is complete disharmony in my body at the moment. Sadly this has begun to leak into how I feel in myself and I've been noticeably more irritable, mainly to my husband and close family cos I hide it well to everyone else, but I'm having to check my mood and working a bit too hard to remain calm and relaxed and so it is time to do something.

This has coincided with the desire to become a bit lighter. I'm pretty much the weight I was before I got pregnant with Evan but I know that I would feel better if I was at least another stone lighter. Which for now will be my goal.

However, I've never done well with diets in fact I'd say I've never really been on one. I'd maybe think about going on a diet and even joined Slimming World once but they are not for me. As I start thinking about structuring foods into 'good and bad' or 'free foods and those with points' it just makes me focus on how much I want the thing that is perceived to be nicer than the good/free stuff. Even if it would never normally be a food I'd think much about. Now don't get me wrong I think weight loss approaches such as Slimming World have come a long way and I believe make it so much easier for many women they just don't work with regards to my attitude to food.

For me I find that if I tap into when I actually need food rather than just wanting it, my emotional attachment to food and how food makes me feel physically that I have more success. I want to do more for my body this year. It works so hard for me I thought I really should give something back. But when I thought about what that meant and the whole "you are what you eat" business it felt a bit overwhelming and I almost stopped at the first hurdle, back to worrying, like diets, it would just make me focus on foods that I 'shouldn't' be eating. But then I read a review of a book (not necessarily a book I'll get but maybe!) and the writer stated that what they loved was the way the book helped you to change gradually and I had one of those light bulb moments. Of course I don't have to make all the changes at once and as I'm not fixated on exactly how much I want to get lighter each week there is no pressure either. So for this week I am going to make two simple changes.

Beyond my first cup of tea, with milk and sugar, of the day (which Jim brings me in bed just before going to work) I am going to go back to how I used to be before I had Evan and not have any more. In fact when I was in a 9-5 job I barely had a cup of tea a month let alone every day just loads and loads of water. Instead I'm going to drink water like I used to and have lovely hot drinks like Camomile and Honey and Lemon and Ginger. Actually on the box of the Lemon and Ginger it says it brings harmony to the body and I'm feeling pretty good as I sit here drinking it. It is most likely my emotional response to the drink rather than it actually bringing harmony to my body at this moment (especially as it is the first one I've drunk) but hey I don't care I'm feeling good and enjoying my drink. That is what I want to have more of from my food and so the other change for this week will be to eat more fruit. Every time I give Evan some fruit I will have some myself also (it is ludicrous that I've not done this up till now).

I will keep you updated on how I'm getting on little steps, little changes each and every week and how I'm feeling both in body and mind.

I wonder what it will be next week?

Advice for first time mums

My pal Claire Lancaster has put out a request, on behalf of a media friend of hers, for some practical and emotional pearls of wisdom for first time mums that you can’t find in books and you only discover when you’ve had a child.

She had some questions so I thought the easiest way to respond to this request was to answer each one.

How painful IS birth. No *really*.

Well if you are a reader of my blog (and it looks like you are cos your here) you will know by now that if you choose to listen to all the horror stories then quite probably the answer to this question will be “very”. However, it really doesn’t have to be that way. My personal answer following the birth of my daughter Evan is “not at all” and for many of my ‘mums’ who have prepared using HypnoBirthing® they will say the same (even those who have been induced, had 4 day labours or had back to back births). Not all report back that their births were pain free as mine was but, without special circumstance, will say that it was comfortable, that they were calm, relaxed and in control. These women look back on their births (and forward to actually) with a sense of excitement and wanting to shout out to the world that birthing really can be a wonderful experience. Yes *really*.

What do you DO with your newborn baby all day?

This depends on what sort of baby you have. If you get one like my sisters first born you will decorate the house because he slept all day. She HAD to have a rigid routine for feeding (something you would never normally have with a newborn baby) because it was the only way she could make sure he had enough. He NEVER stopped sleeping. If you get one like mine who would NEVER let me put her down you carry them around all day, feed them on demand and watch LOADS of rubbish TV.

The key thing is to be led by the baby and don't expect to get anything else done. That way if you don't you've met your expectations and if you do you've exceeded them. Win:Win.

What’s the best way to avoid losing your marbles with lack of sleep/adult company etc?

Unless you end up with one like my sisters. Sleep when your baby sleeps. It won’t be the uninterrupted nights sleep you are used to but then you didn’t expect that with a new born did you. If you nap you won’t become exhausted. If you find you are not able to nod off just because your little bundle of joy is then listen to a relaxation cd/mp3 as that will also help to restore your energy levels and keep you sane.

Adult company is normally the least of your worries in the first few weeks because everyone descends upon you to see the baby. My advice would be restrict this to very few visitors and ask that they don’t stay for too long (unless it is your best friend and you’ve escaped from everyone else with her). And most importantly DO NOT wait on them. If they want to be there they can bring their own cake and make their own tea.

A few weeks down the line and this is the time to meet up with your new ‘baby’ friends. If you haven’t met any at your antenatal classes then there are plenty of mum and baby groups you can join. Or if you are like me and those places filled you with dread I’d recommend finding a lovely baby massage class and something like baby sensory to start with. Once you start meeting other mums and realise that they are all nervous about meeting other mums then it doesn't seem such a scary thing to do. Or is this just me?

Also, before you’ve had your baby find out which of your friends are around when. Not everyone works 9am – 5pm and so you could possibly meet up with friends around their work and also meet up with friends with older kids who are not working. If you find out beforehand then you know you’ve got people you can call upon when you fancy a catch up.

Can you breastfeed while technically asleep? Like a cowboy sleeping upright with his eyes open etc?

Yes, and I say this without hesitation because I know the answer to this question only to well. My little darling decided she would stop sleeping through the night at 5 months. Quite the shock to my system! Instead she would wake up every hour, on the hour, eventually I would give up and bring her into bed with me where she would help herself to my boob anytime she felt like it.

And on that vein, is there any way to have a drink while breastfeeding?

Yes, you can if you plan it. I couldn’t really be bothered (it was when I reached toddler stage that a little drink at the end of the day started beckoning – but that’s a whole other story). It is easier once they are in a routine as you know when their next feed is ‘roughly’ due. Then you can plan to have a drink allowing enough time for it to move through your system before their next feed.

What will seem like a good idea initially – and what will I quickly realise is a total nightmare?

Having baby number 2 – sorry I promise I’m only joking and not even speaking from experience as we are only having the 1.

My real answer is trying to do everything yourself. Control is hard to let go of for many of us but this isn’t the time to care. Say yes to EVERY offer of help that comes your way.

Am I really going to be forgetting my name and putting the loo roll in the fridge for a few months after birth?

There is a lot of talk going on at the moment that there is no such thing as ‘baby brain’. I have to confess I’ve not read/heard any of the points made but what I would say in response (quite cocky of me really considering I've just admitted to not knowing what's been said) is that it may not specifically be a chemical change that happens because a woman has had a baby or is pregnant but sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason. It messes with the brain! A tired, exhausted woman expecting too much of herself is not going to be performing at her best physically, mentally or emotionally. Also, when one is in a highly emotional state this affects clear thinking and when a new born baby enters your life there are all sorts of extreme emotions that women can go through.

And for me the most likely reason, when your baby is screaming for you to deal with whatever it is screaming about you have a feeling that goes through you that cannot be described. Only another mother can nod her head in understanding. It is like THEIR cry (because another baby's doesn’t affect you in this way) triggers a post-hypnotic suggestion within your brain that says “you cannot focus on any other thing until you come over here, pick me up and fulfil my needs”.

Does a gulf open up between you and your child-free friends? How does it change your relationships?

Only if you let it. I find that I am more of a baby/child bore with my friends who do have kids. We boast and moan and get advice from each other on a subject that we have in common and have experience of. When I get together with my friends without kids or with those that do but we're on our own I aim to talk about anything but. Otherwise it would be like having a holiday and taking your work with you.

Am I going to surprise myself – and if so, how?

You will probably be the most surprised when you look back one day and realise that a new mum is looking to you for advice and suddenly you have become an expert. How, did that happen you ask yourself but it does through good old fashioned experience (often known as trial and error in this house).

What won’t I care about half as much, after I’ve given birth/am a mum?

Changing poopy nappies – I would NEVER change a nappy, poopy or otherwise, before I had Evan. Some used to say “but you will have to when you have your own” and I would reply “yes the salient point being, when I have my own, for now I don’t”. Sorry were you looking for something a bit more profound.

My very own special pearl of wisdom

The BEST advice I can give is find a mum who is at least 4-6 months ahead of you. As great as it is to have other new mums around to say “oh yes, mine is doing that” and “oh yes I’m having that kind of trouble too” is that you don’t always get any answers just reassurance that you are all in the same boat. A mum a few months ahead of you will be that expert you yourself will become in time (you know that thing I mentioned under the “what will surprise me" bit).

I hope this has been useful for both my readers and Claire's media pal.