Sunday, 26 September 2010

Feeling sad, frustrated and a little bit angry!

Considering my last post was driven by similar emotions it would appear, that despite not having much time to blog at the moment, when my feelings get adequately fired the words in my head shout loud enough to force my fingers to the keyboard.

So what has got me so fired up?

The comments made in response to the Mail Online article about a women who reported her labour on Twitter. I've given a taster below with some of my thoughts attached to them (in case you are unsure mine are the ones in italics ;-)):

"What a sad woman . Also it brings out all the mothers on here having to tell there storys, why ?? I bet you lot bore people to tears with your storys I am a Mum myself but don't feel the need of broadcasting my labour storys over the net."

I think any pregnant woman will tell you that sharing birth stories are not limited to those talking about their comfortable birth. It seems to me that a bump is like a homing beacon for all and sundry men and women alike to frighten the poor women with the worse stories possible.

"You are no better if you have drugs or no drugs.... Each to their own depends on the delivery...."

I agree with this and some of my 'mums' find that due to unforeseen circumstances they want drugs and some require assisted deliveries. The amazing difference between theirs and many of their friends stories is they still report their story in a positive light.

"Birth is a painful experience, VERY painful. I thought everyone knew that. So what myths did she dispel exactly?"

But it doesn't have to be and even when a woman does feel discomfort she can remain in control of that and therefore have a positive birth experience.

"I found this article extremely sad,and read it as a woman who needed to be "known". For goodness sake,how long will it be now before someone posts their labour on U-tube. "

Sorry to disappoint you but there already are - lots of great hypnobirths on You Tube which give confidence to many, many, many pregnant women every day.

"Fair play to her for having an easy labour - so did I...twice. despite the hospital's insistence that I deliver there due to mild hypertension, I had no complications whatsoever and minimal pain relief. i didn't assume the world would want to hear about it though.....and its not really fair to say this will dispel the myths of childbirth as everyone is different and shouldn't feel like a failure of their birth experience is not the same as this one and if they couldn't be bothered to tweet about it either!"

A great point is being missed here. She most certainly dispelled the myth that all births are awful which sooooooooooo many women love to share and sadly sooooooooo many women buy in to. It CANNOT be coincidence that the women who attend my HypnoBirthing(R) courses and those who have private Hypno 4 Birth sessions with me or work through my Hypno 4 Birth Home Study programme report back positive stories of birth.

"How could this woman ever dispel any myths just because something didn't happen at her own delivery? Scientists would have to use thousands of women and their experience over years of trials if they were to ever dispel a myth."

Continuing on from my point above i

t also CANNOT be coincidence that on the HypnoBirth Board for which I am co-admin on Baby Centre again the members report back positive story after positive story. No they are not all they same. No they do not all report back pain free births. No their births don't all follow the plan that was hoped for. But they are ALL positive stories of birth.

"My own labour took 67 hours from one end to the other as my son was lying in the posterior position which lengthens labour and makes it very much more painful. Thank the lord for painkilllers, although I still felt a lot of the pain, and ended up with a caesarian section anyway.

I've had clients have 4 day labours (I wouldn't wish it on anyone) however one of them was my best friend and when I saw her 1 hour after her daughter was born she looked as fresh as anyone might look after a normal day at work. She also told me off for not sharing with more women how AMAZING HypnoBirthing(R) is. With regards to the comment about a posterior labour being more difficult I think you only have to read this story on my site to see that this is not necessarily true (NEVER buy into absolutes about birth).

I think I will stop there as the more I read these negative comments the more frustrated I get.

I have taken a moment again to read the original article to check if this poor woman who dared to tweet her labour was doing so with a smug, look at me, I am so amazing tone and all I see is a woman who is desperately trying to share that birth doesn't have to be the scary, awful thing that far too many women fear.

I know the feeling of not being able to share a wonderful birth story. I had an amazing birth with Evan and when I tried to share it at my baby massage class (where we were all sharing our stories) I got that same feeling that the others in the room felt I was showing off. One of the reasons I set up my monthly Mums and Mums-to-be group was so that women could share their positive stories of birth in an environment in which they could enjoy doing so. Again I was getting fed up of my 'mums' telling me that they were also getting negative responses when they were trying to share their stories. WHY? when they were expected to endure everybody else's horror stories when they were pregnant with a smile on their face.

My previous post explains what I believe a perfect birth is and it clear that I do not see any women who wants to use drugs or requires intervention as a failure. I just find it incredibly sad that most women get more and more frightened as their labour approaches rather than feeling excited about the upcoming birth of their baby. And I find it increasingly frustrating that if only others were more open to listening to these wonderful stories that more women could consistently have better births.

It really CANNOT be a coincidence that women who use hypnosis statistically have better births without intervention and I CANNOT repeat that enough!!

Keep sharing your wonderful hypnobirthing stories. Whilst the numbers are still small there are more and more women willing to listen and in turn having great births. And with each great story there is another one waiting to happen.

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