Birth Companion's Role

The most important thing for the birth companion to understand is their role on the day and mums you will want to let them know what your expectations are. These are broken down into a number of categories.

Simple Nurturing

• Getting water and snacks
• Helping mum to change position
• Getting a track ready on your ipod (click here for information on my Hypnosis for Childbirth set of mp3s)
• Reminding mum to go to the loo
• Etcetera

Supporting your relaxation

With touch

• On the HypnoBirthing course we teach a specific technique for anchoring (linking the dads placement of his hand on the mums shoulder to the mum being in a deeply relaxed state). The aim being that during labour he could simply place his hand on her shoulder and she will move more deeply into a state of relaxation. However, I believe that with most couples that these anchors are already there. As long as your partner is in a relaxed state I'm sure if he placed his hand on your shoulder during labour you would find it reassuring and therefore relaxing.

• Light touch massage (gently stroking the back and arms with the fingernails)

• Massage (I teach dads how to use massage during labour but if you can't get to a class you may be interested in buying this great little book and massage oil written by Vital Touch)

With words

In the same way that you would find your partners touch reassuring as long as he is calm, similarly if he speaks to you in a calm, relaxed, quiet way during labour, using soothing prompts at appropriate times, this will also help you to feel calm and relaxed. These can be as simple as "you are doing great", "I love you", I'm so proud of you", "our baby is coming, its so exciting".

With your relaxation techniques

• Facial relaxation - if there is any tensions in the face dad can remind mum to place the tip of her tongue behind her front upper teeth to enable the lower jaw to recede and relax. In turn this will send relaxation down through the body.

• As mum finishes a surge to say "now give me a nice relaxing breath in" - dad to breathe in which will cause mum to follow - and then to breathe out with some sound which will again cause mum to follow. As he is doing that to say "reeee" on the in breath and "laaaaaaaax" on the out breath (I promise this is easier to do than explain in writing). This encourages mum to take a calm, relaxing breath at the end of a surge and ensures she moves more deeply into a state of relaxation.

• Should something bring mum out of her state of relaxation/trance a very quick and easy way for her to go back in (if it has been practised) is for dad to say "close your eyes, give me a nice relaxing breath in and as you breathe out 5,4,3,2,1 relax). This is incredibly simple but well worth using as much as you can prior to labour as you will reap the rewards when you are having your baby. Click here for a free mp3 to practise this.

As advocate and protector of the birth experience

Obviously with any Hypnosis for Childbirth programme what you are learning is based on your labour and birth not having any special circumstances (complications). However, sometimes there maybe talk of intervention that is not absolutely necessary and is based on AVOIDING a problem occurring as opposed to there being one at the time (many doctors like to err on the side of caution).

Should this happen it is worth your birth companion asking some simple questions. I should add as a pre-cursor to this that this will be helped if you have done the following:

• Written a short and simple birth plan which has laid out your expectations of birth (you can read mine here).

• On arrival your birth companion has met with your midwife and taken them through your birth plan and expectations of birth (take extra copies in case there is a shift change and he has to do this again). Mentioning that should there be any talk of intervention he would like to have the opportunity to ask some appropriate questions. Reassuring them that at no time will your birth plan be more important than the health of mum and baby.

The questions that he will want to ask are:

• What is the medical indication for suggestion this?

• What would happen if we didn't do it?

• Would you be prepared to wait for 5, 10, 15 minutes in order for us to do some relaxation work together?

• Is my partner or baby in IMMEDIATE danger?

Once your partner has asked these questions he is then able to come and discuss options with you. The thing to remember if they albeit reluctantly give you more time to have confidence in this. When there is a TRUE EMERGENCY they will not give you time.

As I've mentioned throughout it is important for your birth companion to also be in a calm, relaxed state. Adrenalin is catching and therefore any fear or stress within your partner can be passed on to you. Practising the hypnosis techniques together supports this but if you've got a partner who is not able to practise with you (for whatever reason) remember if you put on your relaxation mp3s when they are also relaxing (eg on going to bed) their subconscious will be hearing the positive suggestions too.

Along with going through what I've mentioned in this blog entry I would strongly recommend that the birth companion does a fear release session as this will help them ensure that they are feeling fully confident about their role in supporting you when you are having your baby.

If you have any questions following reading this blog entry please add a comment and I will answer them for you.

Sorry seat and the power of words

For those who have come across this entry via my "Hypnosis Techniques" section should note that this is not actually a hypnosis technique but it is tapping into how powerfully words affect our behaviour and therefore worthy of its place under this label.

A few weeks ago I had one of those "ding!" moments as I call them. I was scrolling through my tweets on Twitter and came across mention of the "Sorry Seat" from one of my Twitter pals, Natalie from Sophie4Sophie Well of course as a hypnotherapist, who is always teaching people how the words they use/hear (internally or externally) impacts on how they see themselves and in turn what they attract into their lives, it made so much sense. I can't believe I hadn't noticed it before.

When I used to put Evan on the naughty seat she would of course sit there (or not) for the whole time reflecting on the fact that she was naughty. Now reflecting is a big word for a 2.5 year old and to be frankly honest there was less reflecting and more demonstrating of just why she was sat on the naughty seat. However, the very first time I told Evan that she was going to have a Time Out on the Sorry Seat she did in fact sit there quietly for the whole time very obviously thinking about the need to be sorry. How do I know this (apart from the fact that she wasn't continuing to be naughty)? Because after a few moments she said "mummy I'd like to be sorry now". So I went over and she said and signed (this is one sign that hasn't yet been lost which I find very sweet) sorry! And told me why she was sorry.

And no this wasn't a fluke. Every time she has been placed on the Sorry Seat the same thing has happened. And I've taken this a step further. I'd always understood that you don't tell the child it is naughty. That the action was naughty or it was naughty behaviour. However, they are still focussing on being naughty and so now whenever she is doing something I don't want her to I say "Evan if you do not stop doing that you will have a Time Out on the Sorry Seat" and I begin to count from 1 to 3. I very rarely get past 1. This never used to happen I always got to 3 before and then had quite a battle getting her on the naughty seat and keeping her there.

The power of words never ceases to amaze me. Thanks Natalie for teaching me this fab little gem!

Breastfeed in your sleep

A fun slideshow about co-sleeping and breastfeeding.

Please enjoy this lovely relaxation mp3 on me

I am very happy to say that I have finally found the time to record the following mp3. Something I've been wanting to do for a long time in order to offer my readers the chance to experience one of my mp3s for free and also to enjoy the relaxation that brings.

On the face of it this mp3 is a very simple progressive relaxation but it is done in a very clever way (even if I do say so myself ;-)). It also has a useful twist in that you are learning a very quick and easy way to send relaxation through your body any time you choose (eyes open or eyes closed. Resting at home or in a queue at the Supermarket).

So why is it different? Firstly, the way it relaxes your body. Rather than just saying relax your shoulders, arms, chest, etc. which to be honest is very difficult to do. Think about it now if I say to you "relax your shoulders", you may adjust your shoulders physically or you might imagine your muscles being more relaxed if you have any experience with relaxation techniques but it is still quite a difficult request. If however, I ask you to use your mind to imagine your shoulders moving away from your neck (not physically moving at all just sending the message using your mind) the only way for your body to respond and carry out this instruction is to relax the muscles. You will notice as you progress through the mp3 this is how I get you to relax many of the muscles within your body and then using your mind to imagine moving the comfort this brings on to the next set of muscles.

Secondly, the useful twist comes with the addition of imagining numbers as you progress down through the body '5,4,3,2,1'. These numbers become a very useful trigger for each of the muscle groups to which they are attached to relax. This happens very simply by taking in a nice relaxing breath in and as you breath out seeing, sensing or imagining the numbers 5,4,3,2,1 relax. Listening regularly to this mp3 together with taking every opportunity to use this simple technique will ensure that you can easily move from feeling tense, wound up, anxious, etc to feeling calm, relaxed and in control any time you want to.

I hope you enjoy it and please leave comments to let me know what you think. This mp3 has been deliberately written for general use and is therefore not specific to pregnancy, labour and birth. If you enjoy it and would like to find out more about my Hypnosis for Childbirth set of mp3s please take a look at my shop.

This is the link in order for you to download the mp3. Please share with your friends if you feel they would enjoy it too.

Hypno Mummy to become a G-d Mummy too

First the back story.....

Clare (Little Yummy Bags) and I met 3 years ago almost exactly to the day when she attended the first day of her HypnoBirthing course on 7th October 2006. Fate stepped in right from that very first meeting to ensure that we would become friends because it was also the course that my husband was on to learn all about HypnoBirthing for the birth of our daughter Evan. The other couple due to attend unfortunately had to attend the hospital that morning (all was well) and so asked if I could move them on to the next course. This meant that it was just the four of us. Clare and I and our partners Piers and Jim (respectively).

The course was great fun particularly because Piers and Jim are remarkably similar and both having a wicked sense of humour meant there was a lot of laughter.

Fast forward to around August 2007. Due to our busy professional lives Clare and I had not had much contact since the course, beyond some support regarding the HypnoBirthing, but once Evan was born and we were both on maternity leave we thought it was about time we met up. I went to visit Clare with a 2 month old Evan and as Clare was just a bit ahead of me with a 6 month old Hannah we had lots to talk about (an opportunity for me to pick up some hints and tips from a mum just ahead of me - something I recommend for my clients to do if they can). We didn't stop talking , sitting their breastfeeding our beautiful girls and chatting like we'd known each other for years. It was wonderful. But no sooner had we got used to the fact that we lived around the corner from each other and what great friends we were becoming Clare and Piers decided to move to Canterbury (not a million miles away from Sidcup I know but an hour in the car and Evan at the time was an awful traveller). Luckily for me though Clare was happy to make the drive more times than was fair and so our friendship blossomed.

So it was of course a natural thing for me to do a refresher HypnoBirthing session with Clare and Piers when they became pregnant with their second child. I had mentioned how much I would love to be at the birth and was overjoyed when Clare said that they were both happy for me to be there. Unfortunately, I was on the wrong side of the door when Madeleine arrived because Clare left it a little too late to call me (she was so calm and relaxed that she had no idea she was in such an advanced stage of labour - you can read her story here). But I saw Madeleine within minutes of her birth and stayed with Clare and Piers for a few hours afterwards and this time is now one of my most treasured memories. It was such an honour to be with them during such a special time. Also, I should mention that Piers had captured the labour and birth on film and so I did get to see it and because of that so will my clients too (a great confidence booster for them).

Now a few months on and Clare and Piers are planning little Madelaine's Baptism and I had the most wonderful surprise today when Clare came over for a visit as she has asked me to be Madelaine's G-d Mother (well I kind of gave that away with the heading didn't I).

I cannot tell you all how incredibly happy, excited, proud and honoured I feel to have been asked.

Of course I've said YES!!!!

The first meeting of the Hyp 'n Happening Group

Yesterday was the first Hyp 'n Happening Mums and Mums-to-be Hypnobirthing group.

I was really excited all morning and very much looking forward to it. The night before I had got the room ready setting out all the chairs (with 12 mums and mums-to-be coming along I needed to be organised). On Evan's return from nursery though she had other ideas about the layout of the room and put all the chairs in a row. She then sat herself on one of them and started chanting"choo choo choo choo". She would not let me put them back so they stayed like that until my guests started to arrive.

In total we had 8 mums-to-be, 3 mums sharing their wonderful HypnoBirthing stories, 3 two year olds, including Evan and 2 babies. The lovely Johanna from Lollipop also came along to talk about the benefits of using cloth nappies (for mum, baby and the environment).

The first half an hour was spent with mums catching up with other mums they'd met on courses (or with friends they'd referred to me so knew beforehand) and making new friends. There was a lovely buzz to the air - just how I imagined it would be. The making of tea with one kettle wasn't too bad either and in fact 1 full kettle made 8 mugs worth (no wonder Jim used to get cross with me when I filled the kettle just for the two of us. I had no idea it was that big. I must have bought a tardis kettle). Getting my mums to bring their own mugs was a stroke of genius (even if I do say so myself). Not only did it mean I had enough mugs but it was easy to make sure everyone got the right cup of tea and a simple rinse at the end with mug handed back meant I didn't have a big pile of washing up after everyone had gone home.

Those mums who purchased a Hypno Mummy mug from the lovely www.ickelbabe.com were very happy and one mum asked if the artist was coming (I wish Helen could have been there). I hope more mums want to buy them in future, they really are gorgeous!

Once everyone had their mug of tea and a lovely treaty flapjack provided by one of my mums-to-be we listened to the amazing HypnoBirthing stories. A great selection from a baby born 10 minutes after arrival at hospital and mum saying she'd only experienced period like sensations to an amazing birth following induction (and a consultant constantly saying you are never going to be able to do this without an epidural - big two fingers up at her - oops sorry for my rudeness).

A few hints and tips were also shared - "practise, practise, practise", "listen to what Dany says when she says stay asleep if you can when labour starts", "a session with Dany just before the baby was due is great for staying focused" (one of the reasons I introduced the group to help mums keep their focus and maintain enthusiasm) and the one I really love "believe in yourself, trust your body, you can do it".

There was then an 'interesting', shall we say, attempt at some relaxing hypnosis. It certainly was an opportunity for mums-to-be to see how they could focus with a lot of noise going on around them. Three kids walking in and out of the garden, Evan coming in with her garden tools staring at all the women and wondering why they were not taking any notice of her (I so nearly laughed out loud at this point), the phone ringing (twice) and Evan insisting she wanted to watch Peppa Pig. What was good to see though that despite mums-to-be saying they could hear the distraction (and of course they could) but I asked them to set the intention for it to help them focus inwards and I could see from their responses that they were in deed in a state of trance. Something useful for them to realise as conditions will not always be 'perfect'. Although I did point out that they may want to purchase a Peppa Pig video for their labour as Evan had firmly planted a suggestion that they would want to watch it - tee hee.

Johanna then showed the mums the huge variety of cloth nappies that are available now and how easy they are to use, wash and get dried. I've already had one mum say that she is now a convert as she was nervous about them before.

Mums left saying how much they had enjoyed it and are looking forward to the next one. I had the best fun although was totally exhausted at the end of it and I can't wait for the next one on the 9th November.

And now it's time to sleeeeep!!!

The following entry is by my new guest mummy blogger Clare who I hope we will be hearing more from. So without further ado I will leave you in her capable hands......

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I'm crying with happiness (that makes a change huh?) 7 mins and my lil girl is sleeping beautiful on her own in her crib!!! Thank you xxx

After sleep problems with my first born I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again- 12 weeks and 3 days my little Madelaine is finally sleeping beautiful on her own in her crib for the first time and I am so happy I could do cartwheels! How did I do it- I listenend to my friend.

Madelaine had a beautiful and amazing hypno birth but after a few weeks she developed colic and was constantly crying feeding or in distress before I knew it she was sleeping constantly with me or on me- which I don't have a problem with but with a fun and active toddler in tow I found myself getting myself in a pickle. My toddler spending more and more time in front of the tv. I was getting to the point I couldn't get dressed, wash hair blah blah..

Talking to Dany I decided to take action and after listening to her advice- I decided to do the pick up put down routine and then after 20 mins I left Madelaine for 1 min went back picked her up when she was calm put her back in her cot left her for 2mins and so on- it took 7 mins and she was sleeping.

You think that being a mum 2nd time round will be easier and in some respects it is- I never would have done the above with Hannah and its a shame I didn't have the confidence to do it back then- I now know teaching your baby to sleep is just as important as teaching her to crawl, brush her teeth, hold a spoon...

My one piece of advice is to surround yourself with lovely positive mums - hopefully who have been there before you (6mths before ideally :)> Not all advice will be for you but its worth a listen and take what will work for you. Besides sometime it is just good to be with people who understand...

This is why I am so looking forward to Dany's Hyp n Happening group on Monday - I know that all us mums who have had fantastic births with pass on our lovely birthing stories and here's to making some great new friends and making a difference to our and our little ones lives :)

Clare - Hannah and Madeleine's Hypno Mummy