Is it fear or excitement?

Well maybe it is fear or maybe it is excitement and sometimes it is both.

What on earth are you talking about I hear you cry, but it really is an interesting question because unless we are in real danger (when of course it is absolutely right to feel fear so that we can get ourselves out of trouble) we can change the answer to suit what we want.

Think for a moment how you experience fear in your body.

Ok, now take some time to become aware of how you experience excitement in your body.

They are incredibly similar aren't they and once you realise this you can use it change your perception of something.

Words are very powerful if you say that you are scared about something then you will create images (consciously and/or subconsciously) that represent fear. Because your subconscious runs the body based on the emotions these images evoke it will actually make physiological changes in the body to get you ready for danger. This is only useful if you really are in trouble other than that it causes unnecessary stress on your mind, body and emotional well being.

However, if you say you are excited about something then you will create images that match that and trigger a whole different response within the mind and body.

Your subconscious doesn't know the difference between real or imagined events so the more we focus on the negative the more likely we are to take action that matches that negativity. If we are focussing on the positive it is a natural response to find ourselves responding more positively to what is going on in our lives.

Let's look at this from a birthing perspective. A woman who says she is frightened of her baby's upcoming birth will create images of horror stories she's heard, read about or seen. In turn this will prepare her body for a potentially difficult birth. A woman who perceives the physical sensations within her body as excitement will create images that match that excitement and in turn support her body in working as it should during labour and birth. It doesn't actually matter if at first she doesn't quite believe it because the more she focuses on excitement the law of repetition will ensure that in turn it becomes easier to believe. This is because the more we practice something the easier it becomes and in turn becomes a new way of thinking. Of course if we are thinking differently we create the images that support an easier, comfortable birth.

Change this way is easy the only hard thing is to actually do it. For a pregnant woman you can tap into the desire to have a better birth for you and your baby.

But this of course works for all areas of your life so be more aware from now on whether something is a real or a perceived fear. If it is only perceived tell yourself you are excited instead and notice how different that makes you feel.

Remember it may take practice, but if you tap into the desire that will ensure you want to make a change, the more you focus on excitement the more you will believe it to be true and in turn you will be surprised at the differences that this will make in your every day life.

Christmas Gift

I am sitting here feeling very smug and happy with myself, there are 10 days to go till Christmas and I have FINISHED all of my Christmas shopping. In fact I had actually completed buying all of my presents last Friday, although this may be due to the fact that I did most of it online so there was not too much dragging a toddler around Bluewater this year. I did however make one trip and for anyone shopping there last Friday I was the poor mum walking around with the giant dalmatian balloon floating just above my head!! Still it kept Evan happy and we just about made it through the day.

I then realised that there was one very important gift that I hadn't done yet and I am now sitting here at 5 in the morning sorting that too.

If you are pregnant I hope you enjoy my Cloak of Protection mp3 and benefit from the powerful yet simple technique it teaches you. If you are not pregnant please share this link with anyone that you know who is. You really will be giving them a fantastic present by letting them know about it.

Taken from the Tums 2 Mums

Hypno 4 Birth Home Study Programme

“Unfortunately for most women as they become pregnant their bump seems to become a glowing bright beacon for all and sundry to approach and share all their most awful and intimate stories about pregnancy, labour, birth and being a parent. The media, films, soaps and birth channels all know that calm, relaxed births are not ‘sensational’ TV and so rarely show good ones. Although ironically to watch a woman labouring calmly is the most sensational thing you could want to see.

I urge you not to get involved in negative conversations about birth, stop people in their tracks when they want to share a horror story and don’t be tempted by the birthing channels (there are plenty of wonderful hypno births to watch on You Tube).

However, as determined as you might be that you will not accommodate any of the above, sometimes you can hear or see something so quickly that you don’t have time to stop it and this is why I have included the ‘Cloak of Protection’ mp3 in this programme.

You will learn whilst listening to this mp3 how to place an invisible cloak of protection around yourself which will shield you from any negativity, causing it to bounce off of you and preventing the messages from becoming absorbed by your subconscious mind."

Please note that the link for this Christmas offer will be removed on the 6th January 2011.

I'd love to know how you enjoy it so please take the time to leave a comment on my blog.

Merry Christmas everyone xxx

Fab email from one of my Hypno 4 Birth Home Study Mums

This email made my day - I think it speaks for itself.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi Dany,

I just wanted to say Thank you for the wonderful Home Study programme for Hypno-birthing and to tell you about my wonderful birth experience when my son was born on 21st May 2010 at 545am weighing 8lb 4oz.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared of how I would cope as I am terrified of hospitals and needles.

I decided to try the Hypno-birthing to change my fear beliefs.

As you predicted, lots of people wanted to tell me their horror stories of difficult labours, and I just smiled at them, convinced (brain-washed) that Hypno-birthing would make my experience different.

My hospital told me that I was not to go there until my contractions were 3-4minutes apart, so I knew I had to spend alot of the labour at home.

When my surges started, I listened to the Surges with the Sea and Fear Release and Natural Calm MP3s and practised the slow breathing.

After a few hours, the mucus plus came out, and I could feel my baby's head was so low down, that even though my contractions were still 5-6minutes apart, I had to get to the hospital. Although I wasn't in pain, just discomfort, and the contractions were not that strong.

When we arrived at the hospital, the midwife told me I was 7cm dilated! I was so relieved and excited. I was offered an epidural but I knew I would be able to get through without it, so I just had Gas and Air and my son was born 3.5 hours later.

During the last part of my labour, the midwife kept telling my husband how relaxed and calm I was (I was deep in slow-breathing meditation!), and the whole experience was just as I imagined it.

I'm so excited, that I just can't wait to start trying for baby number 2!

Thank you again Dany, your MP3s and affirmations were relaxing and soothing and I'm recommending them to my pregnant friends.

Regards,

Mel x

Feeling sad, frustrated and a little bit angry!

Considering my last post was driven by similar emotions it would appear, that despite not having much time to blog at the moment, when my feelings get adequately fired the words in my head shout loud enough to force my fingers to the keyboard.

So what has got me so fired up?

The comments made in response to the Mail Online article about a women who reported her labour on Twitter. I've given a taster below with some of my thoughts attached to them (in case you are unsure mine are the ones in italics ;-)):

"What a sad woman . Also it brings out all the mothers on here having to tell there storys, why ?? I bet you lot bore people to tears with your storys I am a Mum myself but don't feel the need of broadcasting my labour storys over the net."

I think any pregnant woman will tell you that sharing birth stories are not limited to those talking about their comfortable birth. It seems to me that a bump is like a homing beacon for all and sundry men and women alike to frighten the poor women with the worse stories possible.

"You are no better if you have drugs or no drugs.... Each to their own depends on the delivery...."

I agree with this and some of my 'mums' find that due to unforeseen circumstances they want drugs and some require assisted deliveries. The amazing difference between theirs and many of their friends stories is they still report their story in a positive light.

"Birth is a painful experience, VERY painful. I thought everyone knew that. So what myths did she dispel exactly?"

But it doesn't have to be and even when a woman does feel discomfort she can remain in control of that and therefore have a positive birth experience.

"I found this article extremely sad,and read it as a woman who needed to be "known". For goodness sake,how long will it be now before someone posts their labour on U-tube. "

Sorry to disappoint you but there already are - lots of great hypnobirths on You Tube which give confidence to many, many, many pregnant women every day.

"Fair play to her for having an easy labour - so did I...twice. despite the hospital's insistence that I deliver there due to mild hypertension, I had no complications whatsoever and minimal pain relief. i didn't assume the world would want to hear about it though.....and its not really fair to say this will dispel the myths of childbirth as everyone is different and shouldn't feel like a failure of their birth experience is not the same as this one and if they couldn't be bothered to tweet about it either!"

A great point is being missed here. She most certainly dispelled the myth that all births are awful which sooooooooooo many women love to share and sadly sooooooooo many women buy in to. It CANNOT be coincidence that the women who attend my HypnoBirthing(R) courses and those who have private Hypno 4 Birth sessions with me or work through my Hypno 4 Birth Home Study programme report back positive stories of birth.

"How could this woman ever dispel any myths just because something didn't happen at her own delivery? Scientists would have to use thousands of women and their experience over years of trials if they were to ever dispel a myth."

Continuing on from my point above i

t also CANNOT be coincidence that on the HypnoBirth Board for which I am co-admin on Baby Centre again the members report back positive story after positive story. No they are not all they same. No they do not all report back pain free births. No their births don't all follow the plan that was hoped for. But they are ALL positive stories of birth.

"My own labour took 67 hours from one end to the other as my son was lying in the posterior position which lengthens labour and makes it very much more painful. Thank the lord for painkilllers, although I still felt a lot of the pain, and ended up with a caesarian section anyway.

I've had clients have 4 day labours (I wouldn't wish it on anyone) however one of them was my best friend and when I saw her 1 hour after her daughter was born she looked as fresh as anyone might look after a normal day at work. She also told me off for not sharing with more women how AMAZING HypnoBirthing(R) is. With regards to the comment about a posterior labour being more difficult I think you only have to read this story on my site to see that this is not necessarily true (NEVER buy into absolutes about birth).

I think I will stop there as the more I read these negative comments the more frustrated I get.

I have taken a moment again to read the original article to check if this poor woman who dared to tweet her labour was doing so with a smug, look at me, I am so amazing tone and all I see is a woman who is desperately trying to share that birth doesn't have to be the scary, awful thing that far too many women fear.

I know the feeling of not being able to share a wonderful birth story. I had an amazing birth with Evan and when I tried to share it at my baby massage class (where we were all sharing our stories) I got that same feeling that the others in the room felt I was showing off. One of the reasons I set up my monthly Mums and Mums-to-be group was so that women could share their positive stories of birth in an environment in which they could enjoy doing so. Again I was getting fed up of my 'mums' telling me that they were also getting negative responses when they were trying to share their stories. WHY? when they were expected to endure everybody else's horror stories when they were pregnant with a smile on their face.

My previous post explains what I believe a perfect birth is and it clear that I do not see any women who wants to use drugs or requires intervention as a failure. I just find it incredibly sad that most women get more and more frightened as their labour approaches rather than feeling excited about the upcoming birth of their baby. And I find it increasingly frustrating that if only others were more open to listening to these wonderful stories that more women could consistently have better births.

It really CANNOT be a coincidence that women who use hypnosis statistically have better births without intervention and I CANNOT repeat that enough!!

Keep sharing your wonderful hypnobirthing stories. Whilst the numbers are still small there are more and more women willing to listen and in turn having great births. And with each great story there is another one waiting to happen.

The Perfect Birth

What's that then?

There have been quite a few posts and comments recently on the Baby Centre HypnoBirth Board about having or not having a perfect birth. Many of them start out with a post that friends and family believe that because they are planning a HypnoBirth they are setting themselves up for disappointment and they are being unrealistic about their expectations.

Then yesterday I had a client say to me that although she is wanting a natural birth, because she is considered high risk she doesn't want to only focus on having a perfect birth in case it just isn't possible. So we explored together what a perfect birth is because preparing for a HypnoBirth isn't about having a short, calm, comfortable natural labour and birth free of intervention (although of course many achieve this) it is about empowerment. Couples taking control of their birth experience, having the confidence to ask appropriate questions and making decisions based on the answer that are right for them, not anyone else. Not what I would do (or any other practitioner they have attended classes with), nor their doctor, midwives, friend, sister and so on. What is right for them.

• The perfect birth is the birth that is right for mum and baby on the day.
• The perfect birth is one in which the couple look back upon and know that all decisions were theirs.
• The perfect birth is one in which mum and dad felt they were always in control of even if that meant making the decision to hand over to the experts because there were special circumstances.

I don't get 100% feedback that births played out in the way that was desired but I do get 100% feedback that the techniques are useful no matter what and that is the true value of HypnoBirthing.

How can that be setting a woman up for disappointment?

The Law of Attraction and where have I been?

Before I begin this post I just want to say sorry it has been such a long time coming. It is a shame that I've not had time to post recently but on the positive side that is because I've been incredibly busy supporting couples through Fertility, Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond. I wrote earlier in the year that I wanted harmony in my life and through writing that post came to realise that of course I could have that any time by creating harmony in my life. So I made my peace with not having the time to post on my blog and let it be for a while.

Then recently Jim (my husband) and I have embarked on a journey of abundance through following a workbook on the Law of Attraction. I often say that I always get what I need, when I need it and that I use the Law of Attraction whenever I want more clients (and it works) but when how it worked finally clicked with Jim he decided that I had not been thinking big enough.

So every day we work on abundance - more wealth, more health, more vitality, more love, more time, more energy, more, more more and more.....(you get the idea) and it is working, so here I am with the time to write in my blog.

So whilst I am here let me share with you what got Jim and I all fired up on the wider application of The Law of Attraction and it is a book quite simply named "The Law of Attraction" by Esther and Jerry Hicks

Three words – A MUST READ!

In the foreword we read “I’m telling you that you are holding in your hands the best proof you could ever give yourself that the Law of Attraction is real, is effective, and produces physical outcomes in the real world”. Now I 100% believe in the Law of Attraction and have seen the proof of it myself time and time again but even I had to smile to myself at this because it sounded so clichéd. But I was smiling in a whole different way when I began to read the book and realised that it was all about emotions. I have over the last few months been doing a great deal of research into emotions but had not expected on buying this book that this would be part of that research, so yes it was indeed more proof of the law of attraction for me.

If I’m honest I wasn’t really expecting to read anything new but oh how I was wrong. In an amazingly simple read you really are giving the tools and instructions to make wonderful changes in your life. As a hypnotherapist understanding how being fully engaged in something will sidetrack the conscious, analytical mind making suggestions more easily acceptable, I would go as far as to say that the words on the page were hypnotic because of the emotions that they evoked. I have found that since reading the book I am making changes in my every day life not by trying, not through any hard work but simply because they make sense.

I have created such excitement around the book that not only are Jim and I on this journey of abundance but my sister is now reading it, a friend keeps asking when it will be available for her to read and another friend has bought her own copy. I've now bought two spare copies just so I can give it out to friends when I get them excited about it and I can’t wait to discuss it with them all.

There will be those that are not ready to read this book but to those I would say find something small to test out what you are reading, once you have succeeded with that test out something else and then something else and so on.

There maybe others that might be put off by the idea that the message is channelled through Esther and are in fact the teachings of Abraham. To those I would say let go of where the message has come from and focus on the teachings themselves.

I can’t rave about this book enough. I feel the need to repeat – A MUST READ!

So there it is a short, simple post that I hope you enjoy and take something from. I've got another post brewing in my mind so there won't be quite such a long wait for the next one :-).

Living Fully in the Present Moment

It has been quite some time since I've been able to sit down quietly and write a blog entry. I've been so busy running around after Evan (quite literally sometimes), seeing clients, running courses, writing new materials for my online shop, seeing friends, being a wife, a daughter, a mum, etc, etc, etc...... often all at the same time.

But then something stopped me in my tracks and made me really want to write a new blog entry (although I must confess it has taken me over a week to get round to doing it). And what was that something I hear you ask..... Well I was driving home after dropping Evan off at nursery, it is a 30 minutes drive so I often get lost in thoughts of everything that I have to do but as I keep missing my turn offs when I do this (I have a habit of just driving in a straight line when I get too distracted, it must be my subconscious way of keeping me safe) I decided to turn the radio on.

I'm a big Chris Moyles fan so I went straight for Radio 1 but they were about to do the 'car park challenge' which I hate so I switched over and found myself on Radio 2. Now my poor mum has not been able to cope since she lost her cherished Terry Wogan for Chris Evans so I thought I'd stick around for a while and have a listen and find out what she keeps complaining about. I'm not sure whether I caught him on a tame day or he's getting old and just seems tame compared to Moyles but I started enjoying the show (so maybe I'm getting old alongside him).

Anyway back to what stopped me in my tracks. He had a guest on the show talking about how at a recent conference he'd attended he'd noticed how so many people were using their Blackberrys, and Iphones and were texting, emailing and tweeting rather than giving their focussed attention to the speaker. He went on to say that some recent research carried out by neuroscientists in an American University have found that we are not wired up to multi task. That our brains have limited capacity for processing information and it is impossible to focus on 2 things at the same time and be fully responsive to what is going on. Now this is not news to me as a hypnotherapist and one of the first things I teach my clients is that they can't focus on two thoughts at the same time and how the cancel technique uses this to their advantage. The thing that struck me was when he said that he felt that this was very much in line with the ancient wisdom that we should try and live fully in the present moment.

I hate the word should and I hate the word try and this sentence made me fully realise why. Like so many people I am constantly multi-tasking and not really giving enough attention to specific things. This 'should' made me feel guilty and the 'try' made me feel like a failure (which is why I won't let my clients use these words). So once I'd learned what I needed to from these emotions I decided that the next day I would live in the present moment (I had to get my head round it first ;-)).

My biggest sense of guilt came from not being in the present moment when I was with Evan and as it was Tuesday and we always have a morning at home together I started with her. To fully appreciate this I need to take you on a little side story (hopefully you are used to the way I ramble on by now). Evan has been getting quite 'pushy' around other kids, we thought it had stopped so I was very upset to find it had started again. When I got home from dropping her at the nursery I did a search for google "desperate mum kid hitting" - now I realise as I write this I could have got any number of odd results but as often is the case I found exactly what I was looking for, and what I learned very clearly highlighted that I would need to be fully in the present moment to make any of it work. So every time I was with Evan for the next two days I was completely in the moment with her and do you know what, we had sooooooooo much fun. She hadn't suddenly become perfect but I did the things that I'd learned and every time instead of a battle of wills we'd end up laughing. And what's more when I arrived to pick Evan up from nursery on Thursday (she goes on Monday and Thursday mornings) Evan had earned a huge star for playing so nicely and the staff commented on what a change they'd seen in her.

I must confess I've slipped a little and I've seen a change in Evan's behaviour so tomorrow I choose again to be fully in the present moment whenever I am with her. My aim is to keep practicing until it becomes second nature to do this around her and in turn in other areas of my life. I would add at this point that this doesn't mean she has to have 100% of my attention 100% of the time (to learn more about what I've been doing have a read for yourself and watch the video clip at the end).

There is so much distraction in our lives but apart from the wonderful change I saw in Evan I was amazed to find that I didn't get any less done and I had so much more energy. It is bloody tiring multi-tasking and now it has been proving why - we are actually overloading our circuits when we are doing it.

I'd love to read your comments on this - whether you've given this post your full and focussed attention or have been multi-tasking whilst reading let me know your thoughts.

Using Real Nappies

The title of this blog entry is a little misleading because you might have thought that I was about to tell you all about using them. Sadly it isn't because as much as I thought about it before I had Evan I just never built up enough confidence to give them a go. Sadly I met the lovely Johanna who is going to be heading up the Bexley Real Nappy Network when I was already months into using disposables and with my pressures of running Tums 2 Mums and having a tiny baby I couldn't get my head round making the switch.

My biggest concern was would I be able to keep on top of the washing of them and more importantly the drying of them but chatting with Johanna I found that nappies have come a very, very long way and that some of the brands in particular dry incredibly quickly. My other concern was would I be able to deal with having to wash poopy nappies but another chat with Johanna made me realise that most of it just gets dropped down the toilet. To be honest Evan was so long and skinny that she was always squirting out of her nappies and virtually every day I was having to scrub poop out of her clothes so I didn't escape.

So there you are that is my confession, I wish I had made the switch but I didn't so instead I'm hoping to help at least mums and mums-to-be in reach of Bexley to find out more by attending the event detailed below. If you are not near Bexley though check out your local area because there will be someone, somewhere willing and able to help you find out more.

______________________________________________

Bexley Real Nappy Network (BRNN)

During Real Nappy Week (26th April – 2nd May) The London Borough of Bexley will be launching Bexley Real Nappy Network.

We would like to invite you to attend the launch of Bexley Real Nappy Network.

Bexley Real Nappy Network (BRRN) will launch on:

Wednesday 28th April 10.30am – 1.30pm at Danson Children’s Centre, Brampton Road.

There will be fun nappy events, stalls and tea and cakes.

The aim of the Bexley Real Nappy Network (BRNN) is to promote real nappies and provide support for parents using cloth nappies. We hope this network will give parents a chance to gain practical tips on how to use cloth nappies and share their experience of using different types of cloth nappies. BRNN will also offer a nappy library and second hand nappy exchange. As a member of BRNN you will receive a quarterly newsletter with nappy information and advice.

The BRRN launch will provide you with an opportunity to sign up to the network – there is no cost.

During real nappy week we will also be promoting Real Nappies for London’s voucher scheme by running stalls in the Broadway.

The Mall, in the Broadway Shopping Centre, Bexleyheath:

Monday 26 April 10.30am – 1.30pm

Tuesday 27 April 10.30am – 1.30pm

If you would like more information please contact:

Helen Barclay / Maria Migdal 020 8303 7777 option 1.

Bexley Real Nappy Network: bexleyrealnappynwk@tiscali.co.uk

______________________________________________

I will be there with a little Tums 2 Mums stall so if you do attend please come and say hello :-)

Suspension of home birth and specialist midwifery services in E Sussex

This is a message that was sent to me by Louise Wilby, Independent Midwives UK that I believe is worth sharing for any of my readers based in this area considering a Home Birth.

_______________________________________________________

Dear All

Excuse the length of this message but the AIMS info is very helpful in telling us what we can do and how to do it.... please pass it on to all those interested in protecting normal birth ( I also have it as a word document if that is useful)

Very best wishes

Louise

ASSOCIATION FOR IMPROVEMENTS IN THE MATERNITY SERVICES

http://www.facebook.com/l/35dad;www.aims.org.uk

Email: Chair@aims.org.uk

Home birth – withdrawal of services

The Association for Improvements in the Maternity Services has been informed that the East Sussex Health Trust has unilaterally decided to revoke the home birth and specialist midwifery service.

This, apparently, is due to ‘staffing levels’ and the Trust has also revoked the ‘specialist midwife roles’ who are required to be ‘put back into the mainstream units’.

In 2000 the Nursing and Midwifery Council issued a statement about home births in which it

States:

‘It is for the individual trust/health board to decide what type of maternity service it will provide. The service is expected to be one which is responsible to local requirements and, as far as home births are concerned, it is understood that a blanket policy of ‘no home births’ would not be acceptable to the maternity services in England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales.’

It further states:

‘While the employed midwife has a contractual duty to her employer, she also has a professional duty to provide midwifery care for women and would not wish to leave a woman in labour at home unattended, thus placing her at risk at a time when competent midwifery care is essential.’

Many Trusts have had staffing problems for a long time and have done little or nothing to resolve it. The Chief Executive, therefore, should be asked to produce the following information:

• How many Full-time (FTE) equivalent midwives are required?
• How many FTE’s are in post?
• How many FTE vacancies are there?

The figures are required for each year from 2005 to 2010.

It is presumed that the Trust’s action has been caused by a midwifery shortage in the hospital. The solution, therefore, is to take steps to recruit more hospital midwives. It is unacceptable to put low risk women who have booked a home birth at additional risk of delivery in large, centralised, obstetric units.

The WHO has stated that there is no health improvement for either mother or baby when the caesarean section rates exceed 10%-15%. In the East Sussex area the caesarean section rates fluctuate from 21.8% to 27.7% more than double the recommended level. Numerous studies have shown that home birth is as safe as hospital birth for selected women. AIMS would argue that home birth is far safer than hospital deliveries as no studies have taken into account depression, infection, breastfeeding or post traumatic stress or the high levels of medical interventions and unnecessary or avoidable caesarean sections. (Young et al 2000; Chamberlain et al, 1997; Northern Region Perinatal Mortality Group, 1996); Weigers et al,1996; Ackermann-Liebrich et al, 1996).

It is unacceptable when faced with staffing problems in an obstetric unit to disband the home birth service, and deprive needy women of the specialist midwifery care that was established to help them. The problems with staffing need to be addressed seriously, and this will only be achieved when a community midwifery service is established by a Primary Care Trust, so that community midwives can focus of supporting normal birth and not be seen as stop-gap measure to be used when the Acute Units have staffing problems.

Any woman who is told that the home birth service has been suspended should write immediately to the Chief Executive, Darren Grayson, at East Sussex Health Trust, 729 The Ridge, St Leonards-on-Sea, TN37 7PT along the following lines:

_______________________________________________________

Dear

I have been informed that you have a shortage of midwives and that the home birth service has been withdrawn, so that I shall, therefore, have to come into hospital. I understand that it is Government policy that the NHS should support women who intend to birth at home. In a House of Commons debate (20 Dec, 2000) Lord Hunt of King's Heath stated: 'The Government want (sic) to ensure that, where it is clinically appropriate, if a woman wishes to have a home birth she should receive the appropriate support from the health service. At the end of the day, it must be the woman's choice'. This statement has received further support in the Government’s current document ‘Maternity Matters’.

Your midwives have been aware of my intention to give birth at home since ...(insert date). I have no intention of taking the additional risk of a hospital birth in order to alleviate your staff shortages, although I am prepared to transfer to hospital should a medical complication arise. I suggest that, if your hospital is short of midwives, you contact the Independent Midwives UK and arrange an extra-contractual referral.

I expect a midwife to attend when I call her in labour. Should a midwife not arrive and any untoward event occur that is related to your failure to respond to my needs and those of my baby, my family will take appropriate action and we shall hold you and the Director of Midwifery personally responsible for this failure and contact the Nursing and Midwifery Council.

It is important that as many people as possible are alerted to this so we suggest that you also write to the following and ask them to take action to ensure that a proper community midwifery service is provided for all women:

Your MP, you can find his address on: http://www.facebook.com/l/35dad;www.writetothem.com

• The Chair, Maternity Services Liaison Committee, c/o your local obstetric unit (every maternity unit should have a MSLC and you can check if your unit has one by ringing the Chief Executive and ask for the name of the Chair of the MSLC).

• Rt Hon Andy Burnham MP, Secretary of State for Health , Department of Health, Richmond House, 79 Whitehall, London, SW1A 2NS

• Christina Mackenzie, Nursing and Midwifery Council, 23 Portland Place, London, W1M 3AF

• Cathy Warwick, General Secretary, Royal College of Midwives, 15 Mansfield Street, London, W1G 9NH

• Your local County Councillor can be found on http://www.facebook.com/l/35dad;www.eastsussex.gov.uk

If, when you ring for a midwife when you are in labour, you are still told that a midwife cannot attend because they are short staffed, we suggest that you, or your partner, responds as follows:

'What is your name and your status? (Make a note of who it is). 'I have no intention of putting myself or my baby at risk of travelling in labour to the hospital and exposing us to the additional risks of a hospital delivery. If you fail to send a midwife and any untoward event occurs which can be attributed to your failure to provide a midwife you can rest assured that my family will take appropriate action'.

So far, in every case to date that we know of, the Trust has provided a midwife.

It is important that you alert as many people as possible to this problem. Do let AIMS know whether or not you achieved your home birth in the end. Email Chair@aims.org.uk

Valentines Competition

AND THE WINNERS ARE:

Elie (please email so I can send you your prize)

Joanne Ball

Chloe Chatnoi

@law4mumpreneurs

Marie

NOTE: As a special thank you for those of you who have entered this competition but not been lucky enough to win, I would like to offer you the opportunity of purchasing the programme for the amazing price of £26. If you are interested in this offer please email me at dany@tums2mums.com

Okay so I know that Valentines day is all about love and affection between intimate companions but for many that love culminates in having children so I thought it would be a lovely time to launch this competition. It also happens to coincide with the completion of a very exciting project and so the timing is perfect.

That project was the turning of my Hypnosis for Childbirth mp3s into a complete Hypno 4 Birth Home Study Programme. I have been busy putting together a workbook/manual that helps women understand more about the benefits of using these mp3s during childbirth and I've also done some re-writing/recording and added 2 additional mp3s.

As you work your way through the manual you will learn:

• How the muscles of the uterus are designed to work during labour and how fear and anxiety affect them working efficiently.
• How to change negative thinking habits and beliefs to positive ones that support your desire to have a calm, comfortable birth experience.
• How to tap into your own natural birthing instincts.
• What hypnosis is and what it isn't.
• The impact the mind and your imagination has upon your body and what you experience.
• A variety of techniques to use during your pregnancy to prepare your mind and body for a positive birth experience.
• How your birth companion can support you.
• How to use the techniques during labour and birth

The manual is supported by 8 mp3s and a relaxation plan to help you structure your practise. You will also be sent an invitation to my private Hyp 'n Happening Google Group where you can post any questions you may have and meet other mums and mums-to-be using hypnosis for their birth preparations.

The mp3s that you will receive are as follows:

• 5,4,3,2,1, relax which is already available as a free download so that you can find out if you enjoy listening to my voice.
• Cloak of Protection to protect you from outside negative influences (a new mp3 currently not available)
• Birth Affirmations which provide a structured way to practise new thoughts
• Natural Calm Progressive Relaxation.
• Glove Relaxation to learn how you can utilise the power of your mind and your imagination to change your experience of sensations within your body (re-written and newly recorded)
• Cushion of Comfort to stimulate your endorphins your body's natural pain relief.
• Surge with Sea Birth Rehearsal Imagery (a new mp3 currently not available).
• Fear and Emotional Release to help let go of any negative thinking and beliefs, to clear the way for your new positive thoughts that will lead to the acceptance that birth can indeed be a calm, comfortable experience that YOU are in control of.

All mp3s are accompanied by beautiful piano music written and recorded especially for me by Paul Herbert.

And the good news is that I have FIVE of these new Hypno Birth Home Study sets to GIVE AWAY. All you have to do is to write about this competition with a link to this page of my blog to let others know it is available. It might be that you are a member of a forum like NetMums, Baby Centre or Mums Like You, a keen Tweeter on Twitter or have your own blog.

Once you've done that comment on this post with the link to wherever you've written about the competition (or email me at dany@tums2mums.com with your link) so that I can add your name into the draw. The more links you place the more entries you will have into the draw (this can include different birth boards on the same forum).

And even if you are not pregnant why not do this for a friend. The opportunity to have a more positive birth experience is the best gift you could give them.

The competition will run for a month starting today (Valentines Day) and closing at midnight on 14th March (my Birthday - how appropriate) . The draw will be made on 15th March and winners names will be placed on the top of this blog entry (if your due date falls within this period and you would still like to benefit from this programme email me separately).

Please help me spread the word that birthing really can be a normal, natural, comfortable event for most women.

Harmony in mind and body

Regular readers to my blog and in fact anyone who knows me either professionally or personally will know that I strive to create harmony in the mind both for myself and others. In fact when my pal Claire Lancaster set me the task of writing about my Theme Word for 2010 I was drawn to writing about wanting more Harmony in my life.

However, of late I've begun wondering more about feeling harmony within my body. Recently I've had a lot of aches, very tense muscles and feeling bloated and then finally last week I put my back out. This hasn't happened since before I had Evan and was the final straw that made me realise that there is complete disharmony in my body at the moment. Sadly this has begun to leak into how I feel in myself and I've been noticeably more irritable, mainly to my husband and close family cos I hide it well to everyone else, but I'm having to check my mood and working a bit too hard to remain calm and relaxed and so it is time to do something.

This has coincided with the desire to become a bit lighter. I'm pretty much the weight I was before I got pregnant with Evan but I know that I would feel better if I was at least another stone lighter. Which for now will be my goal.

However, I've never done well with diets in fact I'd say I've never really been on one. I'd maybe think about going on a diet and even joined Slimming World once but they are not for me. As I start thinking about structuring foods into 'good and bad' or 'free foods and those with points' it just makes me focus on how much I want the thing that is perceived to be nicer than the good/free stuff. Even if it would never normally be a food I'd think much about. Now don't get me wrong I think weight loss approaches such as Slimming World have come a long way and I believe make it so much easier for many women they just don't work with regards to my attitude to food.

For me I find that if I tap into when I actually need food rather than just wanting it, my emotional attachment to food and how food makes me feel physically that I have more success. I want to do more for my body this year. It works so hard for me I thought I really should give something back. But when I thought about what that meant and the whole "you are what you eat" business it felt a bit overwhelming and I almost stopped at the first hurdle, back to worrying, like diets, it would just make me focus on foods that I 'shouldn't' be eating. But then I read a review of a book (not necessarily a book I'll get but maybe!) and the writer stated that what they loved was the way the book helped you to change gradually and I had one of those light bulb moments. Of course I don't have to make all the changes at once and as I'm not fixated on exactly how much I want to get lighter each week there is no pressure either. So for this week I am going to make two simple changes.

Beyond my first cup of tea, with milk and sugar, of the day (which Jim brings me in bed just before going to work) I am going to go back to how I used to be before I had Evan and not have any more. In fact when I was in a 9-5 job I barely had a cup of tea a month let alone every day just loads and loads of water. Instead I'm going to drink water like I used to and have lovely hot drinks like Camomile and Honey and Lemon and Ginger. Actually on the box of the Lemon and Ginger it says it brings harmony to the body and I'm feeling pretty good as I sit here drinking it. It is most likely my emotional response to the drink rather than it actually bringing harmony to my body at this moment (especially as it is the first one I've drunk) but hey I don't care I'm feeling good and enjoying my drink. That is what I want to have more of from my food and so the other change for this week will be to eat more fruit. Every time I give Evan some fruit I will have some myself also (it is ludicrous that I've not done this up till now).

I will keep you updated on how I'm getting on little steps, little changes each and every week and how I'm feeling both in body and mind.

I wonder what it will be next week?

Advice for first time mums

My pal Claire Lancaster has put out a request, on behalf of a media friend of hers, for some practical and emotional pearls of wisdom for first time mums that you can’t find in books and you only discover when you’ve had a child.

She had some questions so I thought the easiest way to respond to this request was to answer each one.

How painful IS birth. No *really*.

Well if you are a reader of my blog (and it looks like you are cos your here) you will know by now that if you choose to listen to all the horror stories then quite probably the answer to this question will be “very”. However, it really doesn’t have to be that way. My personal answer following the birth of my daughter Evan is “not at all” and for many of my ‘mums’ who have prepared using HypnoBirthing® they will say the same (even those who have been induced, had 4 day labours or had back to back births). Not all report back that their births were pain free as mine was but, without special circumstance, will say that it was comfortable, that they were calm, relaxed and in control. These women look back on their births (and forward to actually) with a sense of excitement and wanting to shout out to the world that birthing really can be a wonderful experience. Yes *really*.

What do you DO with your newborn baby all day?

This depends on what sort of baby you have. If you get one like my sisters first born you will decorate the house because he slept all day. She HAD to have a rigid routine for feeding (something you would never normally have with a newborn baby) because it was the only way she could make sure he had enough. He NEVER stopped sleeping. If you get one like mine who would NEVER let me put her down you carry them around all day, feed them on demand and watch LOADS of rubbish TV.

The key thing is to be led by the baby and don't expect to get anything else done. That way if you don't you've met your expectations and if you do you've exceeded them. Win:Win.

What’s the best way to avoid losing your marbles with lack of sleep/adult company etc?

Unless you end up with one like my sisters. Sleep when your baby sleeps. It won’t be the uninterrupted nights sleep you are used to but then you didn’t expect that with a new born did you. If you nap you won’t become exhausted. If you find you are not able to nod off just because your little bundle of joy is then listen to a relaxation cd/mp3 as that will also help to restore your energy levels and keep you sane.

Adult company is normally the least of your worries in the first few weeks because everyone descends upon you to see the baby. My advice would be restrict this to very few visitors and ask that they don’t stay for too long (unless it is your best friend and you’ve escaped from everyone else with her). And most importantly DO NOT wait on them. If they want to be there they can bring their own cake and make their own tea.

A few weeks down the line and this is the time to meet up with your new ‘baby’ friends. If you haven’t met any at your antenatal classes then there are plenty of mum and baby groups you can join. Or if you are like me and those places filled you with dread I’d recommend finding a lovely baby massage class and something like baby sensory to start with. Once you start meeting other mums and realise that they are all nervous about meeting other mums then it doesn't seem such a scary thing to do. Or is this just me?

Also, before you’ve had your baby find out which of your friends are around when. Not everyone works 9am – 5pm and so you could possibly meet up with friends around their work and also meet up with friends with older kids who are not working. If you find out beforehand then you know you’ve got people you can call upon when you fancy a catch up.

Can you breastfeed while technically asleep? Like a cowboy sleeping upright with his eyes open etc?

Yes, and I say this without hesitation because I know the answer to this question only to well. My little darling decided she would stop sleeping through the night at 5 months. Quite the shock to my system! Instead she would wake up every hour, on the hour, eventually I would give up and bring her into bed with me where she would help herself to my boob anytime she felt like it.

And on that vein, is there any way to have a drink while breastfeeding?

Yes, you can if you plan it. I couldn’t really be bothered (it was when I reached toddler stage that a little drink at the end of the day started beckoning – but that’s a whole other story). It is easier once they are in a routine as you know when their next feed is ‘roughly’ due. Then you can plan to have a drink allowing enough time for it to move through your system before their next feed.

What will seem like a good idea initially – and what will I quickly realise is a total nightmare?

Having baby number 2 – sorry I promise I’m only joking and not even speaking from experience as we are only having the 1.

My real answer is trying to do everything yourself. Control is hard to let go of for many of us but this isn’t the time to care. Say yes to EVERY offer of help that comes your way.

Am I really going to be forgetting my name and putting the loo roll in the fridge for a few months after birth?

There is a lot of talk going on at the moment that there is no such thing as ‘baby brain’. I have to confess I’ve not read/heard any of the points made but what I would say in response (quite cocky of me really considering I've just admitted to not knowing what's been said) is that it may not specifically be a chemical change that happens because a woman has had a baby or is pregnant but sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason. It messes with the brain! A tired, exhausted woman expecting too much of herself is not going to be performing at her best physically, mentally or emotionally. Also, when one is in a highly emotional state this affects clear thinking and when a new born baby enters your life there are all sorts of extreme emotions that women can go through.

And for me the most likely reason, when your baby is screaming for you to deal with whatever it is screaming about you have a feeling that goes through you that cannot be described. Only another mother can nod her head in understanding. It is like THEIR cry (because another baby's doesn’t affect you in this way) triggers a post-hypnotic suggestion within your brain that says “you cannot focus on any other thing until you come over here, pick me up and fulfil my needs”.

Does a gulf open up between you and your child-free friends? How does it change your relationships?

Only if you let it. I find that I am more of a baby/child bore with my friends who do have kids. We boast and moan and get advice from each other on a subject that we have in common and have experience of. When I get together with my friends without kids or with those that do but we're on our own I aim to talk about anything but. Otherwise it would be like having a holiday and taking your work with you.

Am I going to surprise myself – and if so, how?

You will probably be the most surprised when you look back one day and realise that a new mum is looking to you for advice and suddenly you have become an expert. How, did that happen you ask yourself but it does through good old fashioned experience (often known as trial and error in this house).

What won’t I care about half as much, after I’ve given birth/am a mum?

Changing poopy nappies – I would NEVER change a nappy, poopy or otherwise, before I had Evan. Some used to say “but you will have to when you have your own” and I would reply “yes the salient point being, when I have my own, for now I don’t”. Sorry were you looking for something a bit more profound.

My very own special pearl of wisdom

The BEST advice I can give is find a mum who is at least 4-6 months ahead of you. As great as it is to have other new mums around to say “oh yes, mine is doing that” and “oh yes I’m having that kind of trouble too” is that you don’t always get any answers just reassurance that you are all in the same boat. A mum a few months ahead of you will be that expert you yourself will become in time (you know that thing I mentioned under the “what will surprise me" bit).

I hope this has been useful for both my readers and Claire's media pal.

From one mum to another

Hi there

I am writing this post for a mum that I've never met before but is part of the wonderful HypnoBirth community that I belong to on Baby Centre. I will leave her to tell you more.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hi everyone, I am mummy to Alex, Charlotte and Sophia and I'm now here asking for your help to spread the word about a little boy who is in need of our help.

His name is Jamie Inglis and he is 4 years old, he has just finished his 8th lot of high dose chemo and needs to go to America for further treatment to save his life.

I am going to be jumping out of a plane to try and help the family reach the £250 000 that they need for Jamies treatment, I am Jumper RED 9 and am really strugelling to get sponsors, so I am asking for your help please, there is no minimum sponsor, anything is very much appreciated, together we can help save his life, hes just 4 years old!

If any of you can sponsor me, please can you put in the message that its for RED 9, it is very quick and easy to do.

There is a Jamie Inglis Appeal page on facebook where you can follow Jamies story so far.

And here is the link to the Jump for Jamie sponsor and donations page, please please help by either sponsoring or just spreading the word.

http://www.justgiving.com/JUMP-FOR-JAMIE

Thanks in advance ladies, anything and everything helps :)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

As Alex says absolutely any amount will help however small so if you can donate that would be really great.

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten"

A fab quote from the great Anthony Robbins that I feel works well as an introduction to a post about 'beliefs'.

Our beliefs are personal to us. I am sure there have been many times in your life when you have met a person who has a completely different opinion on a subject to you. This is often hard to understand. Who is right, who is wrong? Maybe no-one, maybe both!

Our beliefs about our world come from the things that happen to us, what we see, hear and do. As we experience things we notice the outcomes we get and if we get the same result over and over again it becomes 'fact' for us. In turn we start to filter out anything that doesn't fit with our new belief convincing us all the more that what we believe is right. But actually it is just what we 'think' or to be more correct what we 'imagine' is right.

What you believe dictates the choices you make for yourself and the actions that you take. What you think about things therefore affects your behaviour. Every behaviour has a consequence and so you are in control of what happens to you in your life by what you tell yourself - your thoughts.

Taking responsibility for your thoughts (and therefore your actions) is a big step forward in achieving the life that you want.

Step 1 - Recognise which of your beliefs are not working for you. A good indicator is whether something is making you feel bad in some way.

Step 2 - Evaluate the 'truth' of your beliefs. Take the filter off for a while. Deliberately look for information to test whether this particular belief is always true - or NOT!

Step 3 - Replace the negative thoughts with new positive ones that fit with your new understanding gained from step 2.

So 3 simple steps then! But just proving to yourself that what you believe about something isn't true doesn't make the process of change easy. Even something painful can be 'comfortable' because it is familiar and what we know. It is easier to do what we've always done..... You can see where the title of this post came from now can't you ;-)

For your new belief to become comfortable it needs to be practised consciously until it becomes familiar enough so as to become a more deep routed belief at the subconscious level. You don't really have to think about it anymore you just feel that way. Just like when you are learning a new motor skill for example driving a car. At first you are very consciously aware of everything you need to do but with time and practise you get to a point where you barely notice that you are changing gear, stepping on the brake, stopping at a red light. In fact you can sing along to the radio or chat with a friend whilst you are doing it.

With a commitment to succeed the Cancel technique provides a structured way to practise new thought patterns. At first it will take effort but it is worth it. In time you will begin to notice a subtle shift in how you are thinking as your new belief becomes a part of your subconscious programming, in turn the choices you make and the actions you take will reflect this. Remember you are responsible for your thoughts, your thoughts dictate your actions, every action you make has a consequence that impacts on your life. Your head creates your world. You are in control of your life.

And once you have learnt how to make a change in one area of your life you may find other beliefs that no longer work for you and change them too.

If you'd like support exploring the ideas presented on this post you may be interested to learn more about my Happy Mums! programme.

This one is for me

There is no other way of saying it because I'm posting this pure and simply because I want to win some free jewellery. And not just any old jewellery I might add but a fabulous piece, worth up to £150, of ones own choosing from the Chambers and Beau new collection.

The only problem is that in order to enter I have to tell all of my readers about it and so if you like beautiful jewellery too then you will enter reducing my chances of winning.

So if by some small chance you want to find out how you can enter the big C&B giveaway click here

Appreciating how much you've achieved?

This little gem comes from my husband Jim.

Last night after he'd spent many hours doing overtime he said "....and I've still got loads more to do tomorrow :-(". I replied "focus on what you've achieved today it will make you feel happier". He thought for a moment and then said but that doesn't really help I'm still not looking forward to all I have to do tomorrow. Another pause "....... however, if I imagine that everything I have done today needs to be done again I can suddenly appreciate how much I've achieved and I feel great :-)"

To illustrate this further he used one of his 'Jimmy analogies'

"imagine you have painted a room today. That job is done but all you can think about is needing to paint another room tomorrow - urgh!! Then someone tells you that you've painted it the wrong colour and you need to start all over again tomorrow - double urgh!! Then as they look they realise that they like the new colour and there is no need for you to paint it all again - yay!!!!! You are now feeling very happy about all that you have achieved today - double yay!!!!!"

(although I must confess he didn't say the urgh's and yay's I added them in for dramatic effect ;-)). Just updating this post because I've been reliably informed that he did say the yay's :-D

So next time you can't see the wood for the trees and are finding it impossible to feel good about what you've already achieved, imagine having to start all over again you will soon be feeling better.

I'm definitely going to be including this in my Happy Mums programme.

Make emotions your friend!

This blog entry comes from a conversation I had with my husband Jim. We are both hot heads although over the years have learned to 'most of the time' control our outbursts but this very control I believe has affected our relationship with our emotions. Until now :-)

I am in the middle of reading a wonderful book (I would recommend it to any parent) 'The Complete Secrets of Happy Children' by Steve Biddulph. The chapter entitled Kids and Emotions actually starts out with a confession from the author that this title is a little idealistic; "In the adult world, no-one is ever, or would want to be - continually happy. So for our children, such an aim actually would be wrong.............. What we really want is kids who can handle and move along through the many feelings that life brings... Joy is the goal, but being comfortable and experiencing all the emotions life brings is the way to get there most often".

Many adults I meet personally and work with therapeutically have never learned these skills (I know myself my Hypnotherapy and Counselling course changed my world in this respect and I was 30 when I attended it). And it is not really surprising as many of us have grown up in a world of "stiff upper lips", "keep your chin up", "it is not ladylike to get angry", "big boys don't cry", "don't be a big girls blouse", "putting a brave face on things" and I am sure there are many more you can think of. When I am working with people I always say "If it FEELS right it is right" but for so many who have not only learned but been brainwashed into squashing perceived negative emotions this is not always an easy thing to trust.

When our babies are born they are not inhibited and therefore will show their emotions freely and as a result the negative emotions that they have rarely last long. Although of course they do need direction on how to channel these powerful emotions appropriately but this is where it can end up going so so wrong. It is at this point kids need to learn to make friends with their emotions not see some as their enemy. The good news is though if you didn't learn this as a kid you can open your mind to the possibility now and as is often the case in any good relationship it is based on understanding.

We may sometimes wish that we had no feelings, when our heart has been broken, we've lost someone dear to us, someone is treating us badly and so on but ALL of our emotions have a very big role to play, yes even the negative one.

Our emotions range from subtle to very strong in intensity and, put simply, are there to tell the subconscious what it needs to do to run the body and to help us as we move through the different events and experiences of our lives.

There are four basic emotions:

• Anger
• Fear
• Sadness
• Joy

All other shades of feelings are a mix of these and there are thousands of combinations possible.

Imagine for a moment that you never felt ANGRY couldn't you so easily become life's doormat? In fact I'm sure we all know at least one person who has been taught that they must not show anger (they may well be feeling it but certainly not showing it) and don't people just walk all over them. ANGER makes us stand up for ourselves - it "keeps us free" (It should be noted that this is not the same as violence. Violence is anger gone wrong).

Think of a time when you looked after a young child, newly crawling and exploring their world, they have NO FEAR. You have to make sure that they don't fall down the stairs, stick their hands in the fire, etc. Now imagine you have no fear of ANYTHING!!!! It doesn't bare thinking about does it, let alone imagining. Fear slows us down, forces us to stop and think and avoid danger - often our gut instinct has even perceived something long before the conscious brain understands what and therefore FEAR "keeps us safe".

SADNESS helps us to heal. When we feel sad the chemical changes that occur help our brain to physically release the pain. People say that time heals everything - in a manner of speaking but the time is needed for the brain to release the pain. For some, depending on the type of hurt, that may mean many years and/or a strong support network. In some circumstances an element of sadness never goes away and that is appropriate too as we want to remember. But properly handled SADNESS helps us to move on to new life, enabling us to let go and make new contact with people and experiences.

All three of these outcomes are central to our happiness and JOY is what we start to experience when these needs are fulfilled.

Understanding how useful our emotions are opens up our minds to the possibility of embracing those feelings, to make emotions our friend. Acknowledge your emotions as you become aware of them think about why you are feeling a certain way, take action if appropriate, use them to learn about your behaviour patterns and make changes if you want to. It may seem a lot to take on but whenever you are unsure as to what to do imagine that you are a small child and your adult self is there to guide you.

• Help the angry child wanting to express him/herself use clear lines of communication to ensure they are heard?
• Talk to the frighten child about what is scaring them. Help them explore the facts, think it through, seek out help.
• Maybe all the sad child needs is a hug and the reassurance of knowing that this is how the body is designed to heal. Acknowledge the pain, express it when it bubbles up and let it rest as it may.
• Joy - allow the child in you to run free and have fun whenever the opportunity arises

Obviously as I said before there are many thousands of possible combinations of the four basic emotions but, as it would be impossible and unnecessary for me to list them, I will leave you to contemplate what advice you would give your small child as different emotions arise.

Don't feel the need to squash down the more difficult emotions and 'put a brave face on things' or in fact hide your joy to protect another. It doesn't have to be about 'washing your dirty laundry in public' (there goes another one) or 'rubbing someone's face in it' (and another) just expressing how you are feeling in a clear and honest way to yourself and to others when you are 'happy' or 'sad'.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MAKING EMOTIONS YOUR FRIEND!

If you'd like support exploring the ideas presented on this post you may be interested to learn more about my Happy Mums! programme.

Harmony

My lovely pal Claire Lancaster recently tagged me with a meme #themewords. It doesn't matter if you don't know what a meme is, actually I haven't a clue why they are called meme's or who started them off, the key point of this particular one is that I've been asked to write about my Theme Word for 2010. A word to describe how I would like my year ahead to be.

Claire writes that allegedly your #themeword can unfold in unexpected ways and then having chosen the word Enjoyment demonstrates this beautifully. Now I must confess my first thought was "well you've gone and picked the best word already haven't you" and grumbled away to myself that I'd felt like I'd been set a piece of unwanted homework. However, that night lying in bed I found myself pondering over what my #themeword would be.

When I started this post my #themeword was balance but as I was putting my thoughts down on paper (well screen) it didn't feel right. As I wrote things like balance between work and family, time for me and time for Evan, time for me and time for Jim and so on it just felt that everything was one big compromise. What I realised I wanted was not balance but Harmony.

It is so easy to get things out of perspective when we've got a lot going on. I didn't have 'enough' time last year and I will not have 'enough' time this year and most probably the years after that to get everything done that I want to do. The things that had to get done were done, as were so many other things, and I am incredibly lucky as everything I have to do I want to do which surely is a great thing (if you read back in my blog you'll see I got rid of my cleaning and ironing chores quite a long time ago and believe me that was a 'life saver').

I love being a wife, a mother, a sister the sort of friend that my friends know they can call at any time and talk for hours about the same thing they called about the week before. I love my work and knowing that my clients gain so much from working with me, that strangers I've helped on sites like Baby Centre and Twitter send me such lovely messages of thanks. I love that Jim and I are both committed to each other to our family and doing the very best for Evan. I love chatting with my Twitter pals and getting lost writing a blog entry, working on a new hypnosis script and recording a new mp3. I love....... you get the point.

There are so many wonderful things in my life - do I remember this all of the time NO! Is life perfect all the time NO and boy wouldn't it be very boring if it was. When I focus on what is great with my world does it make me feel wonderful YES! Do I want more ABSOLUTELY, but it doesn't mean that there isn't Harmony in my life now. Harmony in my life comes from Harmony in my mind. It is already there I just have to notice it.

I'm not sure if this post makes total sense but the statement that your #themeword can unfold in unexpected ways sure is true.

And tomaaaaatoooooo!!!!

Has she gone mad you ask yourself. The excesses of Christmas addled her brain???

No! There is a very simple explanation for the odd title to this post. For those of your who have heard my free mp3 you will know that it has been designed for you to quickly access a deep state of relaxation by taking a nice deep relaxing breath in and as you breathe out see, sense or imagine the numbers 5,4,3,2,1 reeeeeeeelax!

Recently I've decided to actually say the numbers out loud when I'm practising this as I feel it may help Evan (2.5 years old) calm and relax too. The little comedienne that she is promptly repeats after me 1,2,3,4,5 "pause for comedic effect" tomaaaaatoooooo (why tomato I do not know). She then proceeds to give out a great big belly laugh because she knows she's done something funny.

Either way it works though because laughter stimulates endorphins and makes you feel good and it acts as a useful distraction if she's previously been a little monkey ;-)